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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

So Tyler, how was your weekend?...who are you?!

Firsteys, let me just say Congrateys to the Fowlest N@gga on the Planet. Last night I believe that Mike Way and Aparna tied for first place at the Improv showcase and Jermaine followed in second place. Forgive me for not knowing who third place was, but I talked to the Fowlest N@gga on the planet last night while very drunk. You know that he talks fast...

Riot Act was a fun open mic last night. Right before I hit on Ms. Dookie I realized that her bit about being in a long distance relationship is TRUE. If not then she's just not attracted to me, but the point is don't hit on her. It's an embarrassing walk away. Cause you know you're gonna see her again. I know I will..... back to the show though. Took awhile for the crowd to warm up but when I eventually got up there I had fun and it definitely made up for bombing at the Lizard on Sat. Did I mention the weekend yet? Let's just do this thing in reverse while we're at it...

So, the Lizard was cool and there were all my favorite people there. Poon rocked that mutha. Tim, Herbie, The Fowlest N@gga on the Planet, Bryson Turner, and "Who the F#ck is Tyler Richardson all had a rather interesting convo. Leo the man was in attendance. Saw that smoothe mutha Mike Way in action. At long last, saw the coolest cat on the earth, Jason Weems. Hadn't ran into him in a minute. And, lastly, I ate shit.

Before all that happened though, I did get lost in southeast DC. I joked with the Fowlest N@gga on the planet about how I was going to call him panicked cause I knew that was gonna happen. I've only been lost there a handful of times but getting to Catholic University gave me the "You're gonna get lost in SOUTHEAST DC!" feelin'... ya know. So, about 15 minutes after laughing about this call that was coming, I found myself on MLK JR. Blvd.(sigh) and there were people that looked like they wanted to hurt somebody on every corner. Need I remind you that it was broad daylight, and they could look right in the Corolla at your friend "Who the F@ck..." so I was playin' it cool but still on edge. Throw in the fact that I'd been drinkin' for some time and needed to STOP somewhere and take a piss. I really didn't want to stop anywhere that had SE beside the street so I continued to try and find my way through SE while holdin' back a monster piss. Eventually, I get a couple block into NW and decide that I can't hold it anymore so I'm gonna take the Colgate bottle in the back seat(that was empty) and pee in it then I'm gonna dump it out. Don't judge me, you know we've all done horrible things in a crisis. So, I have my pants undone, belt unbuckled, and IT is almost in the Colgate bottle.... then I pull up next to a church. I ask the man at the door if I can use the bathroom. Yes. THEN, I put it and the Colgate bottle away and zip up. I pee, he takes 10 minutes to give me directions to the University, and we're back on the road. Catholic University is full of at least two wonders:
1) It's surrounded by nothing but GHETTO. That's right, it's projects then out of nowhere this shiny golden cathedral. Odd.
2) It's seems that being extremely hot is a prerequisite to getting into the university. Not everyone was hot, cause like allowing a white guy in a black university, "Gotta keep up appearances".
The show went well and the audience was attentive. Even though the show went long, they were right there with us. And, the Fowlest N@gga on the planet was hittin' on anything that moved. Shout outs to the Engineers at Catholic U. You guys rocked and so do your 80-year-old grandmothers. There was a woman in the front row that was chuckling at the dirtiest stuff I had. I miss her already. Well, that's it for now. Drafthouse... May 3rd... just go people. Laters....

Friday, April 20, 2007

Koreans

And no, that has nothing to do with V. Tech earlier this week. I am blown away by the massive number of people from Korea that continue to look for the lyrics to "My My My" by Johnny Gil. You'd swear the song just came out over there cause everyday there are a ridiculous amount of hits on my page from the same same search. I know that his dance moves were awesome, I saw them when I was 5. Move on Korea..... move on.
Yesterday, my mother and I were spending some quality time and somehow got to watching videos on Youtube(which I don't think she had ever seen before). Luckily, her monitor is gyhugen so watching the videos was kinda like watching the tele. My mother really doesn't have much of a sense of humor these days cause she's a huge Jesus freak and uppity. But, I threw on "Go Fuck yourself" by our friend J. Schlegel and saw a bit of life out of the old girl I haven't seen in years. She didn't even watch Brokeback mountain, cause of the Jesus freak thing, but knew exactly what was going on. I was so shocked that she laughed, "High Five Justin"..... ah.
Tomorrow, there's a cool show at Catholic University(it just now dawned on me that I probably need to go with my clean material then) and it looks like the line-up has some people I don't know too well but have heard of..... shall we. Okay then, Erin Conroy, Mike Shader, Mike Auletta.... then the familiar faces.... Chris White, Herbie Gill, Giovanni, The Fowlest N@gga on the Planet, and "Who the F#ck is Tyler Richardson?". Should be fun and the show gets going at 8.
May 3rd. Arlington Cinema N' Drafthouse. "Who the F@ck is Tyler Richardson?", Katie Riffey, Tim Miller, and Randolph T. 8. Just DO.
I'm gonna go for the weekend, but lets catch up on Monday shall we? Laters....

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

So much to say...

What it is? Let's start with Friday and work our way up to last night at Soho, shall we...

Friday- Felt like it was far time to get out and see if Ned Divine's was still a ton of fun. When I got there about 15(being generous) people were seated and ready for this striptease we call comedy. The list would be:Rob the master Maher, Herbie "F'n Pimp" Gill, Leo 2 Goodman, Who the F@ck is Tyler Richardson, and Jon MUMMA. I had fun, and think that for the size of the crowd I did aight. Yeah, that's not a word, but I felt it come out and couldn't stop it. Mumma broke out this balls to the wall joke which he says was the first time he had performed it. We'll see, if so, I was there man, I was there. So, after he performs we go to the bar to get a drinky drink. Guy next to him is incredibly drunk and immediately buys him what he was gonna order. I'm behind and thinkin' "Wow, I sure hope that I can get a free drink". Cause I'm frugal, not gay. They spoke about 2 sentences to one another. I proceed to try and order. Not so smooth as Mumma though, cause I was forced to have conversation with this man for about 15 minutes and there was no free drink at the end of that tunnel my friends. But, while talking he did describe how one of his roommates would screw in his bed and leave him to sleep in it. That was after he made me hear about how he was the baddest mutha on the planet. So, I move back to the comics with my martini and Miller Lite in hand. When I get there some type of transformation took place at Ned Devine's. It suddenly became a club. Fine women were here and there and then I said something like "With all these women, I feel like I should be hittin' on some." Well, Rob or Mumma proceed to take out money and say that I won't last 5 mins. in a conversation. Now, it took me about 20 mins. to build up my courage, but I ain't no sucka. So I move over to two women and one has my name all over her. I promised that I would use the phrase "Reese's Pieces are great aren't they?", so I chose to open with that one. They laughed thank God, but the fine one wasn't really into me. So I swerved my game to her less attractive friend. She wasn't bad, just not fine. Judge away, but don't. Turns out that both of them were 39 and that doesn't work so well when you look like you're 17. I got turned down when I eventually asked for her number. But, had been talking for easily 10-15 minutes, so that $4 was all mine baby. Later in the night I would accidentally race around a corner and full on grab a hot Hispanic girls boobs. A little later I was joking with the bartender about something and slapped her breast to the point of bounce, but she knew that was an accident. I talk with my hands too much people. And, I tried my first long island ice tea, which lead to me being cut off and driving home with one eye open. Ladies and Gentlemen, I enjoyed telling it almost as much as I enjoyed livin' it.... Moving on.

Saturday- Went to the L St. Lounge to meet my main man Jermaine Fowler. From now on I will refer to him as the Fowlest N@#ga on the planet. It' s just funny to me. So, as usual, a group of "women?" perform first even though we worked out an agreement with the host, and I believe they sang about keeping their weave. I fought back laughter until a white family looked into my eyes and saw that "Hey, it's okay to laugh. He's black and thinks this song is awful too. Are those women?" I performed and thought I did well again, plus some people came down from the bar to hear me. They didn't realize that I was only giving them 3 minutes cause it was time to celebrate Tyler Sonnichsen's big day(early). So we were off to the Laughing Lizard. Tons of comics. As much as people get a little steamed when the place is full of comics, I really do enjoy getting to see all those faces in one place. Normally, you see sprinkles throughout the week or so, but this was a melting pot. I tried some crowd work and if nothing else, just wanted to have fun. It was nothing but comics, but I felt cool with how my new stuff was received. Let me give a quick list: Herbie, Sean Gabbert, The Fowlest N#gga on the planet, Ryan Conner, Quincy, Randolph T, Andy Kline, Jake Young, Will Hessler, Tim Miller, Kojo, Aparna, Diana Saez, and HOT bartenders. Thank you for giving us the Lizard Tyler S. We love you, and I liked your birthday cake so much I smeared some on my pea coat just to have it around always.

Sunday-The Fowlest N%gga on the planet decided to kick it at la casa de Richardson, so I woke up to him on the floor gettin' in some Gears of War. He's not bad, but to his face I'll tell him he's horrible. I was supposed to go to the circus with a female friend but that didn't happen like it was supposed to, so chill we did. First, off to Bloom to get some beer. Mind you this was Easter Sunday and it was 10:50 in the morning. "We get ours". I stumbled across some lobster tails on sale and what human could say no to lobster. So we get back, drink, play video games and live people, live.... then I remembered that my family likes to eat and give me free food. So, with the Fowlest N&gga on the planet in toe, it was off to mama Richardson's house. It was cool and now he is the only person who knows how strange my family truly is. If he calls them strange somebody let me know so I can taze that bama. He even tried some food that won't ever touch these lips. He's a brave soul, but that's my homie, so I put the antidote in his backpack. Soon, it was time to say good-bye to young Fowlest... so I took him to the beach and said "Best of luck you bitch ass Nyuggah!" Got home, watched A Clockwork Orange, and decided that maybe it was time to eat that lobster. For those that want to cook it yourself, just know that there are giblets that Red Lobster doesn't show you. GIBLETS.

Monday-Found out that I can sign the lease on my new apartment next Monday. So rock on to that. I'm not moving far, just to a much nicer and less expensive part of Virginia. Right now, I live in Fairfax county, but it's not a nice neighborhood. Yet they still get to charge you like it's a gated community. The only thing that rent.com can say about us it that we have lakes in our complex to go private fishing. Yet, the first time I ordered pizza the delivery guy was 40 mins. late; when asked why he replied "the cops are fishing a body out of the lake down the hill, so I couldn't get around them"...... WHAT?! Plus, my ex won't be living across the street anymore, so that's cool too. So, I went to Soho last night. List?, of course:Fowlest..., Kojo, Mike Way, Aparna, Diana Saez, Jay Hastings, Chris Barylick, Tim Miller, John McBride, Seaton(a f'n pimp if I've ever seen one)Smith, Leo 2 Goodman, Tom Myers, and many more... I'm a forgetful shit, sorry. It was a cool show and went like most do, I was happy with myself and it was cool to have gotten on a stage frequently over the past 4-5 days. I gotta keep that up. One thing that did jump out at me was that Taxi Driver. He didn't tell jokes and it seemed like he really just wanted someone who would listen. Maybe people are too busy talking about themselves when he's driving them somewhere. But, as sad as it was to witness, it was f'n creepy. My boy Kevin couldn't do anything but look at me, and I'm not the best person to look at if you're trying to fight laughter. I'm an asshole. Tom Myers, Tyler loves you. But, who the fuck is Tyler Richardson. Well, that's all for this longgggg blog entry. Side note: Walking back to my car from Soho, that Taxi guy almost hit me and when Kevin and I looked into the cab and saw him talking to someone, the WTF look was wiped away and all was forgiven. Love you Taxi Driver guy...Laters

Monday, April 09, 2007

Blogs are for lovers

Hey everyone. There will be a new blog of things that happened during my very crazy weekend. Fowlers, and drunkards and laughs... oh my. See ya at Soho tonight.

About Me

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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