So, it's been a whole two days huh?, well let's get straight to the nitty grit...I left work on Wednesday to head out for New York. The Fowlest, Keith the Comedian, and I(notice the order from the title) were going to Stand Up for Diversity. I had tried once years ago, before I was even considering comedy, and had to turn around without performing since I wasn't one of the first 100. I was determined not to have the same thing happen again. This is more a story of our journey and not really about how we performed although you will know.
I got to the metro station and parked my car, but noticed that a sign told me I could not park there for more than 24 hours. Violators were to be prosecuted, and though all signs end with that, my luck STINKS and that would ring through my head for the next 31 hours. You heard me right too. So, I go to the "store" where I turn in my ticket and there is this fine French girl giving me the eye. What is a TRich to do? Oh yea... Mack. So, we talk for a while until J Jerkin' and Keith finally(and in Keith's case, I mean right before we pull off) get there. The bus was very clean and that surprised me a lot. I expected to have a bum next to me( though Jermaine threw up accosted me, does that count?) or some man kick off his shoes and put them right next to my face or something.
Not the case, but the driver did pull over, after we already sat in traffic. We all wondered what was going on, and then we we noticed there was a bus down on the shoulder. Guess what... this just so happened to be a "sister" bus of the driver and so "Come on in everbody!" Normally, I wouldn't care, but the woman with BooBs like Jesus had magic, got up and sprinted to the front of the bus once it filled up. Keith and I had a birds eye view of those and they took that from us. Damn, Damn... S#it. Anyway, it did lead to a new bit and so everything happens for a reason I guess. We arrive...
Jermaine takes several stabs at guessing where the subway was in relation to Chinatown. And, oh yeah, went to the bathroom more times this weekend than Keith and I combined. Mostly to drop deuce, but I mention that because the first thing we did after he got off the bus was go in this Chinese restaurant where every looked at us like we were going to rob them. But, since they were in NYC, I was actually more scared of them cause they were probably very prepared for S#it to jump off and shot Keith and I first. Keith did notice that the Chinese Soap Opera they were watching was running Chinese subtitles. Way to leave all the tourists in the dark. Also, 75 % of the fish they were serving were dead and being eaten by the remaining ones. I can only hope that they only sell the cannibal fish.... but I doubt it.
We find the subway after many guesses by the Fowlest. Shiesty characters are in the subway @ those hours(1:00ish am), but you could watch the movies and know that. Keith says that I stare women I find attractive down like a killer, I hope that's not true. When we get to the line there are only 10 or so people in front of us and everything is gravy. I immediately go to the bar and get a drink. I should note, I don't know what Jermaine was doing in Duane Reede's for 30 minutes before I went to the bar, but I do fear that NYPD may be looking for him. He's a strange young man he is. I drank what was to be the STRONGEST long island iced tea I have ever had in my life. There may have been a dash, and I mean dash of coke in that thing cause I was lit. Jermaine then proceeded to S#it for about 45 mins. while I waited upstairs and got to know random girl at the bar, a guy in band selling shirts, and of course Irish bartender trying to bang random girl @ bar. He finally emerges upstairs...
Back in line Michael Blackson is talking to the group of comedians from Philly(who turned out to be some cool ass cats) and Keith has managed to ease his way into the cypher. For those that don't know Michael Blackson, he is the African guy from Comicview(when it was funny) that used to, excuse me, says "Mudasucka" instead of the other word all the time. I enjoyed him when I was a kid. Nuff said, then a random white guy showed up and decided to kick it with some black folks. Cause after all it was named Stand up for Diversity, but naturally that didn't stop some WHITE folks from showing up and even making the cut. WHAT?! anyway, he was actually really cool and went and bought two pizzas for all the comics just cause he liked us and it was cold as S#IT outside. Right on random white guy... right on. I didn't sleep til' about 5 or 6 cause it was so cold but I did try several sidewalk positions to get warmer. Let's get to the meat and potatoes...
Right before they let everyone in, an old man emerges at the front door. I'm talkin' at least 78 and half-ish. They give out numbers, and yeah, Michael Blackson cut to the front of the line. We get in and take some pictures and the old man murmured something like "I bet you'd be some real fun outside of here" to one of the producers. She took it pretty well and simply told him to go have a seat somewhere please. Right on, well the first screw job took place involving HEROES: Season one. When asked who came the furthest, I throw out VA. Another girl, who is not attractive, throws out Columbus(OH). Are you kidding me?! Guess who got the DVD set. So, then the performances take place and I gotta say that out of the 60 people in our group that went, we were definitely in the top 10. But, I guess not one of us were what they were looking for. But, interestingly enough there was a guy was doing crowd work with the last 30 seconds of his 1 minute chance. That was one of the funnier things to me throughout. That, and the old man that began to wander right after I said my goodbye to the stage. The producer stood up "Sir, please sit back down" he continues on his quest, "Sir, I'm talkin to you" the whole room was waiting for random security guard to leap and taze that old man to the grave. Instead, she walked down to where all the comics were seated and took that geyser by the arm and placed him in a seat. Very nice of her, considering her title.
We leave after J Jerkin' does his interview with Fox 5 news(the Asian, HOT, fine ass reporter was the person to interview him) and make our way to Hawaiian Tropic in Times Square. That place puts Hooters to shame. Damn, they were fine... and shouldn't they be if the have to wear a bikini everyday... Ahhh. We then got on the subway and searched for Chinatown. That place is a lot bigger than I thought and we looked for the bus "store" for a good 1, maybe 1 1/2. The only part of that journey worth mentioning was seeing a man crossing an intersection and shoulder check the S#IT out of this woman who was crossing. She was pouting and turned around from it... he didn't even blink. I love NY! Also, there was an employment office next to where to bus picked us up. Did anyone else know that not every Asian is born with a job and knowledge of quantum physics? I was blown away.
I was panicked for the entire 6 hour drive back and didn't sleep cause J Jerkin' was in the mood for conversatin'. Keith on the other hand was passed out, should have peed on him but the bus was too packed. I got back to my car and breathed a sigh of relief cause I really didn't think that there would be a car in that spot when I got back. After a good night's sleep and a good drive through almost no traffic today, I feel very ready to go home tonight and pass out til' Saturday... Come to Tyler vs. Tyler. Please. Oh, and my new open mic will be at the Spy Lounge in Adams Morgan on Mondays from 8-10. I'll try not to be a dick about getting people on cause, no names, I think we've all had enough of those. Hopefully, I'll get it started Monday after next or right after Thanksgiving, but I have a few things to get straight first. Enjoy the weekend all, and I'll get back at you LATERS....
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