Let’s have some fun shall we?
Perhaps women just really like the smell of certain colognes, but men do not accept that as an answer. If a woman turn to a man and says “Mmm, what cologne is that you have on?” she just came onto him. In her mind it was a perfectly good question, maybe she wants to remember it; maybe she wants to buy it for her significant other. To the man who was asked the question it sounded more like “Mmm, impregnate me.” Of course there are many other scenarios where we mistake something innocent for being hit on, such as: Touching my arm (or any part of the body for that matter), waving, smiling, looking in my direction, eye contact, friendship, laughing at my jokes, sharing anything in common, politeness, having a boyfriend and still speaking with us and the dreaded saying “hello.”
With that said, another woman asked me what cologne I had on today while we got off the elevator. My response: “Prada, now stop nose raping me, I’m taken.”
Apparently there is an MMA fighter that has all of his limbs cut off before the joints. To watch him fight is supposed to be hilarious, and surprisingly he wins fights. Without giving it much thought, I knew immediately he could beat me in a fight. I would throw up uncontrollably once one of those nubs touched me. Especially if it touched me on my face… ugh.
I just recalled that mother called me last week to speak about my 13 year old sister’s recently watched videos on her computer. She insisted my sister was “curious” and started listing titles and stars such as “Brianna Banks.” It wasn’t until she got to that name that I believed my sister was watching porn. I’m very familiar with the name Brianna Banks… a little too familiar. Then, after I’d already swallowed the idea that my baby sister (who I used to dance with during Muppet Treasure Island, ah to be young) was tainted, Mom says “And, that’s the biggest penis I’ve ever seen in my life.” Classic.
What is the only difference between men and women that matters? A Johnson… thank you.
Reptiles don’t ask for permission, they just interrupt slow dances with your date at the prom. That is why they are not allowed in most formal dances.
The image of a bunch of old men playing GRUNDLE SOCCER keeps running through my mind. I don’t know why its so funny to me, maybe its all of that old skin dangling… I picture it a bunch of old men naked from the waist down and circling on particularly dangle-ish man with a grundle that knots when it hits the ground. He follows not to far behind whoever is handling “the ball” and they’re all wearing Pumas. What a game, what a nightmare.
What the hell happened to Nell Carter from Gimme a break?
On Sunday Nelson, my friend Josh and I were in Costco. We saw a sign that said a man named Fred something donated $150 to the Children’s Foundation (that might be missing a word but you know the balloon with red and yellow on it). I thought, aloud, “Where the f*ck was I when that guy felt like throwing away $150 dollars?! I would give him a piggy back around the city… for a few hours, for $150!” My eyes met with the old black cashier that lacked a sense of humor since the gym teacher tasted her sweaty shorts. She was not amused, I threw out “Please forgive me, I was raised uncaring, that seems like a waste of money and all he got was a balloon showing what a stupid thing he did with $150.” She responded, “The only person you need to apologize to is…” Instead of finishing the sentence, she pointed slowly upwards, to the heavens. What a b-word, but you know what, I bet somewhere her gym coach still laughs while holding 50 year old gym shorts. Thinking about how not only do the shorts have sweat residue, but her spirit, and all the laughter throughout her life that went along with it. Good on you gym teacher, good on you.
How is it someone can ask a question you know the answer to and still make you panic? My girl asked what color her eyes were, I know they’re brown. After I answered she got busy and didn’t give the mental high five that I was anticipating. I was freaking out, $#!T, I still am cause she still hasn’t let me know I was right. Please God, if I was wrong change her eye color with a bolt of lightning or something so I can save face.
Dear Wolf, if God decides he’s not going to help me out like I just asked for could you step in. I know it’s been awhile but I still buy three bananas a day, spunk in them, and put them back for strangers to just pick up. Praise be to the Wolf. Oh, and thanks for all of the rain lately.
Mmmkay, I’m going to finish my surfing (world wide web) and for those that do not know the sweet kiss of http://www.latinoreview.com/ step into the 21st century. You sicken me. They just reviewed Star Trek (B+, C), hopefully I’ll find time to form an opinion of my own.
Peaces.
Perhaps women just really like the smell of certain colognes, but men do not accept that as an answer. If a woman turn to a man and says “Mmm, what cologne is that you have on?” she just came onto him. In her mind it was a perfectly good question, maybe she wants to remember it; maybe she wants to buy it for her significant other. To the man who was asked the question it sounded more like “Mmm, impregnate me.” Of course there are many other scenarios where we mistake something innocent for being hit on, such as: Touching my arm (or any part of the body for that matter), waving, smiling, looking in my direction, eye contact, friendship, laughing at my jokes, sharing anything in common, politeness, having a boyfriend and still speaking with us and the dreaded saying “hello.”
With that said, another woman asked me what cologne I had on today while we got off the elevator. My response: “Prada, now stop nose raping me, I’m taken.”
Apparently there is an MMA fighter that has all of his limbs cut off before the joints. To watch him fight is supposed to be hilarious, and surprisingly he wins fights. Without giving it much thought, I knew immediately he could beat me in a fight. I would throw up uncontrollably once one of those nubs touched me. Especially if it touched me on my face… ugh.
I just recalled that mother called me last week to speak about my 13 year old sister’s recently watched videos on her computer. She insisted my sister was “curious” and started listing titles and stars such as “Brianna Banks.” It wasn’t until she got to that name that I believed my sister was watching porn. I’m very familiar with the name Brianna Banks… a little too familiar. Then, after I’d already swallowed the idea that my baby sister (who I used to dance with during Muppet Treasure Island, ah to be young) was tainted, Mom says “And, that’s the biggest penis I’ve ever seen in my life.” Classic.
What is the only difference between men and women that matters? A Johnson… thank you.
Reptiles don’t ask for permission, they just interrupt slow dances with your date at the prom. That is why they are not allowed in most formal dances.
The image of a bunch of old men playing GRUNDLE SOCCER keeps running through my mind. I don’t know why its so funny to me, maybe its all of that old skin dangling… I picture it a bunch of old men naked from the waist down and circling on particularly dangle-ish man with a grundle that knots when it hits the ground. He follows not to far behind whoever is handling “the ball” and they’re all wearing Pumas. What a game, what a nightmare.
What the hell happened to Nell Carter from Gimme a break?
On Sunday Nelson, my friend Josh and I were in Costco. We saw a sign that said a man named Fred something donated $150 to the Children’s Foundation (that might be missing a word but you know the balloon with red and yellow on it). I thought, aloud, “Where the f*ck was I when that guy felt like throwing away $150 dollars?! I would give him a piggy back around the city… for a few hours, for $150!” My eyes met with the old black cashier that lacked a sense of humor since the gym teacher tasted her sweaty shorts. She was not amused, I threw out “Please forgive me, I was raised uncaring, that seems like a waste of money and all he got was a balloon showing what a stupid thing he did with $150.” She responded, “The only person you need to apologize to is…” Instead of finishing the sentence, she pointed slowly upwards, to the heavens. What a b-word, but you know what, I bet somewhere her gym coach still laughs while holding 50 year old gym shorts. Thinking about how not only do the shorts have sweat residue, but her spirit, and all the laughter throughout her life that went along with it. Good on you gym teacher, good on you.
How is it someone can ask a question you know the answer to and still make you panic? My girl asked what color her eyes were, I know they’re brown. After I answered she got busy and didn’t give the mental high five that I was anticipating. I was freaking out, $#!T, I still am cause she still hasn’t let me know I was right. Please God, if I was wrong change her eye color with a bolt of lightning or something so I can save face.
Dear Wolf, if God decides he’s not going to help me out like I just asked for could you step in. I know it’s been awhile but I still buy three bananas a day, spunk in them, and put them back for strangers to just pick up. Praise be to the Wolf. Oh, and thanks for all of the rain lately.
Mmmkay, I’m going to finish my surfing (world wide web) and for those that do not know the sweet kiss of http://www.latinoreview.com/ step into the 21st century. You sicken me. They just reviewed Star Trek (B+, C), hopefully I’ll find time to form an opinion of my own.
Peaces.
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