My entire body is racked with pain because of a football game I joined a bunch of old and new friends for on Saturday. To give a little insight, the first play began with a beautiful catch by yours truly. I should’ve prefaced that by saying that I wasn’t wearing cleats. That’s important because after this magnificent catch (yeah, I’m milking it because of what happened next) I came down and started my run. As soon as my back foot pivoted on the freshly cut field, I slipped. A massive man was already running straight at me but didn’t have time to adjust when I slipped. So he basically slammed my neck and face into the ground and that’s how I started the game. I’m fine with all of the physical punishment that came from the game but one thing I can’t stand is heat. There wasn’t a drop of shade out there. Not for me and not for an ant. On breaks I hid my head behind our cooler because from my hair to my chin I was cool. Then I slid an ice pack up and down my body trying to make porn of the sun. Broken, newly tanned and beaten I spent quality time with my family and spent the rest of the day moving very little.
I’ve been singing No Rain by Blind Melon to myself a lot lately. Thank God for these beautiful rainy days. I needed a pick me up.
September 19 there will be a free show in Bethesda, MD. I wish I could remember the name but I’m too lazy to Google it. I remember that it’s not White Flint Mall (I thought it was until the band corrected me) and I’ll be putting on a show with Sex & Missiles (the band). Cool guys, cool show and hopefully I’ll be cool too.
In the UK teachers are not allowed to drink during the school year. Sounds like a dream job doesn’t it? Right in between catching spat semen on a porn set and plucking the boogers from Nick Cannon’s fingertips. And I know he’s a picker, I knows it.
No matter how old you are you still enjoy watching children fight. As proven by the excitement everyone in my place gets by hearing children scream “FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT” outside our apartment. Almost as giddy as the kiddies, a bunch of grown men throw themselves against the blinds and peek through hoping to see a good one. Don’t you judge me.
This weekend, for the first time in a long time, someone called me a monkey. Just felt that was worth noting because it tickled me. He said it online, so there is no story of an altercation or feces being thrown at his racist mouth. Because monkeys handles their problems with feces.
Bobimus Thomas was the smelliest child in his 3rd grade class. What the children of his class didn’t know was that Bobimus would intentionally urinate into his shoes in the afternoon just to wear them the next morning. Why? Because some people are just f*cked up.
Nelson’s friend Frank and I somehow got in the debate of who is better Chris Brown or Ne-Yo. By far the gayest debate I’ve ever been involved in, but what made it go on and on was that neither of us would concede. Counterpoint after counterpoint, and it all went back to the same thing. Chris Brown beat the $#!T out of a woman, and Ne-Yo is a gremlin. (I’m imagining what the cover art would look like for Year of the Gremlin, tee hee)
I brought a vile jug of Holy Water with me to work today. To smite the sinners and do the Lord’s good work. Plus, that’s the only way you can get away with flinging water in a co-worker’s face.
Been listening to The Blueprint 3, I think it serves as a great reminder for people that may have forgotten he is the greatest. My favorite song is A Star is Born but On To The Next One is a close second. I may just buy it on September 11th just to show support. We’ll see how much I’m listening to it by then, if I’m still just repeating it over and over it would only be right to pay up.
For my geeks out there rejoice! LOBO is being made by Warner Bros. and Guy Ritchie is directing it! w00t
On a more depressing note, Big Momma’s House 3 is being made. I thought I was disappointed in Martin Lawrence when I read about Bad Boys 3 last week. Sigh, WTF happened to my hero?
After watching Norm McDonald on the roast of Bob Saget I’m inspired. It was so awkward and painful yet hilarious to me how he could make everyone squirm and eventually laugh. I would love the occasion gut-busting howl, but weird has been my buddy since the first grade. And how could anyone not love Jim Norton’s comment “it was like watching Henry Fonda pick blue berries" I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I need to find that uncensored because there were so many great lines, I don’t know how I missed seeing this until last night. John Stamos gave Brian Posehn the best intro I have ever heard: “No flash photography as not to startle the creature… Brian Posehn.” Overall, I believe it may be my favorite roast.
That’s all for today, not in a particularly funny mood. Tomorrow is another day.
“Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Unknown quote I found online
Peaces
I’ve been singing No Rain by Blind Melon to myself a lot lately. Thank God for these beautiful rainy days. I needed a pick me up.
September 19 there will be a free show in Bethesda, MD. I wish I could remember the name but I’m too lazy to Google it. I remember that it’s not White Flint Mall (I thought it was until the band corrected me) and I’ll be putting on a show with Sex & Missiles (the band). Cool guys, cool show and hopefully I’ll be cool too.
In the UK teachers are not allowed to drink during the school year. Sounds like a dream job doesn’t it? Right in between catching spat semen on a porn set and plucking the boogers from Nick Cannon’s fingertips. And I know he’s a picker, I knows it.
No matter how old you are you still enjoy watching children fight. As proven by the excitement everyone in my place gets by hearing children scream “FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT” outside our apartment. Almost as giddy as the kiddies, a bunch of grown men throw themselves against the blinds and peek through hoping to see a good one. Don’t you judge me.
This weekend, for the first time in a long time, someone called me a monkey. Just felt that was worth noting because it tickled me. He said it online, so there is no story of an altercation or feces being thrown at his racist mouth. Because monkeys handles their problems with feces.
Bobimus Thomas was the smelliest child in his 3rd grade class. What the children of his class didn’t know was that Bobimus would intentionally urinate into his shoes in the afternoon just to wear them the next morning. Why? Because some people are just f*cked up.
Nelson’s friend Frank and I somehow got in the debate of who is better Chris Brown or Ne-Yo. By far the gayest debate I’ve ever been involved in, but what made it go on and on was that neither of us would concede. Counterpoint after counterpoint, and it all went back to the same thing. Chris Brown beat the $#!T out of a woman, and Ne-Yo is a gremlin. (I’m imagining what the cover art would look like for Year of the Gremlin, tee hee)
I brought a vile jug of Holy Water with me to work today. To smite the sinners and do the Lord’s good work. Plus, that’s the only way you can get away with flinging water in a co-worker’s face.
Been listening to The Blueprint 3, I think it serves as a great reminder for people that may have forgotten he is the greatest. My favorite song is A Star is Born but On To The Next One is a close second. I may just buy it on September 11th just to show support. We’ll see how much I’m listening to it by then, if I’m still just repeating it over and over it would only be right to pay up.
For my geeks out there rejoice! LOBO is being made by Warner Bros. and Guy Ritchie is directing it! w00t
On a more depressing note, Big Momma’s House 3 is being made. I thought I was disappointed in Martin Lawrence when I read about Bad Boys 3 last week. Sigh, WTF happened to my hero?
After watching Norm McDonald on the roast of Bob Saget I’m inspired. It was so awkward and painful yet hilarious to me how he could make everyone squirm and eventually laugh. I would love the occasion gut-busting howl, but weird has been my buddy since the first grade. And how could anyone not love Jim Norton’s comment “it was like watching Henry Fonda pick blue berries" I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I need to find that uncensored because there were so many great lines, I don’t know how I missed seeing this until last night. John Stamos gave Brian Posehn the best intro I have ever heard: “No flash photography as not to startle the creature… Brian Posehn.” Overall, I believe it may be my favorite roast.
That’s all for today, not in a particularly funny mood. Tomorrow is another day.
“Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.” – Unknown quote I found online
Peaces
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