So much to say...

What it is? Let's start with Friday and work our way up to last night at Soho, shall we...

Friday- Felt like it was far time to get out and see if Ned Divine's was still a ton of fun. When I got there about 15(being generous) people were seated and ready for this striptease we call comedy. The list would be:Rob the master Maher, Herbie "F'n Pimp" Gill, Leo 2 Goodman, Who the F@ck is Tyler Richardson, and Jon MUMMA. I had fun, and think that for the size of the crowd I did aight. Yeah, that's not a word, but I felt it come out and couldn't stop it. Mumma broke out this balls to the wall joke which he says was the first time he had performed it. We'll see, if so, I was there man, I was there. So, after he performs we go to the bar to get a drinky drink. Guy next to him is incredibly drunk and immediately buys him what he was gonna order. I'm behind and thinkin' "Wow, I sure hope that I can get a free drink". Cause I'm frugal, not gay. They spoke about 2 sentences to one another. I proceed to try and order. Not so smooth as Mumma though, cause I was forced to have conversation with this man for about 15 minutes and there was no free drink at the end of that tunnel my friends. But, while talking he did describe how one of his roommates would screw in his bed and leave him to sleep in it. That was after he made me hear about how he was the baddest mutha on the planet. So, I move back to the comics with my martini and Miller Lite in hand. When I get there some type of transformation took place at Ned Devine's. It suddenly became a club. Fine women were here and there and then I said something like "With all these women, I feel like I should be hittin' on some." Well, Rob or Mumma proceed to take out money and say that I won't last 5 mins. in a conversation. Now, it took me about 20 mins. to build up my courage, but I ain't no sucka. So I move over to two women and one has my name all over her. I promised that I would use the phrase "Reese's Pieces are great aren't they?", so I chose to open with that one. They laughed thank God, but the fine one wasn't really into me. So I swerved my game to her less attractive friend. She wasn't bad, just not fine. Judge away, but don't. Turns out that both of them were 39 and that doesn't work so well when you look like you're 17. I got turned down when I eventually asked for her number. But, had been talking for easily 10-15 minutes, so that $4 was all mine baby. Later in the night I would accidentally race around a corner and full on grab a hot Hispanic girls boobs. A little later I was joking with the bartender about something and slapped her breast to the point of bounce, but she knew that was an accident. I talk with my hands too much people. And, I tried my first long island ice tea, which lead to me being cut off and driving home with one eye open. Ladies and Gentlemen, I enjoyed telling it almost as much as I enjoyed livin' it.... Moving on.

Saturday- Went to the L St. Lounge to meet my main man Jermaine Fowler. From now on I will refer to him as the Fowlest N@#ga on the planet. It' s just funny to me. So, as usual, a group of "women?" perform first even though we worked out an agreement with the host, and I believe they sang about keeping their weave. I fought back laughter until a white family looked into my eyes and saw that "Hey, it's okay to laugh. He's black and thinks this song is awful too. Are those women?" I performed and thought I did well again, plus some people came down from the bar to hear me. They didn't realize that I was only giving them 3 minutes cause it was time to celebrate Tyler Sonnichsen's big day(early). So we were off to the Laughing Lizard. Tons of comics. As much as people get a little steamed when the place is full of comics, I really do enjoy getting to see all those faces in one place. Normally, you see sprinkles throughout the week or so, but this was a melting pot. I tried some crowd work and if nothing else, just wanted to have fun. It was nothing but comics, but I felt cool with how my new stuff was received. Let me give a quick list: Herbie, Sean Gabbert, The Fowlest N#gga on the planet, Ryan Conner, Quincy, Randolph T, Andy Kline, Jake Young, Will Hessler, Tim Miller, Kojo, Aparna, Diana Saez, and HOT bartenders. Thank you for giving us the Lizard Tyler S. We love you, and I liked your birthday cake so much I smeared some on my pea coat just to have it around always.

Sunday-The Fowlest N%gga on the planet decided to kick it at la casa de Richardson, so I woke up to him on the floor gettin' in some Gears of War. He's not bad, but to his face I'll tell him he's horrible. I was supposed to go to the circus with a female friend but that didn't happen like it was supposed to, so chill we did. First, off to Bloom to get some beer. Mind you this was Easter Sunday and it was 10:50 in the morning. "We get ours". I stumbled across some lobster tails on sale and what human could say no to lobster. So we get back, drink, play video games and live people, live.... then I remembered that my family likes to eat and give me free food. So, with the Fowlest N&gga on the planet in toe, it was off to mama Richardson's house. It was cool and now he is the only person who knows how strange my family truly is. If he calls them strange somebody let me know so I can taze that bama. He even tried some food that won't ever touch these lips. He's a brave soul, but that's my homie, so I put the antidote in his backpack. Soon, it was time to say good-bye to young Fowlest... so I took him to the beach and said "Best of luck you bitch ass Nyuggah!" Got home, watched A Clockwork Orange, and decided that maybe it was time to eat that lobster. For those that want to cook it yourself, just know that there are giblets that Red Lobster doesn't show you. GIBLETS.

Monday-Found out that I can sign the lease on my new apartment next Monday. So rock on to that. I'm not moving far, just to a much nicer and less expensive part of Virginia. Right now, I live in Fairfax county, but it's not a nice neighborhood. Yet they still get to charge you like it's a gated community. The only thing that rent.com can say about us it that we have lakes in our complex to go private fishing. Yet, the first time I ordered pizza the delivery guy was 40 mins. late; when asked why he replied "the cops are fishing a body out of the lake down the hill, so I couldn't get around them"...... WHAT?! Plus, my ex won't be living across the street anymore, so that's cool too. So, I went to Soho last night. List?, of course:Fowlest..., Kojo, Mike Way, Aparna, Diana Saez, Jay Hastings, Chris Barylick, Tim Miller, John McBride, Seaton(a f'n pimp if I've ever seen one)Smith, Leo 2 Goodman, Tom Myers, and many more... I'm a forgetful shit, sorry. It was a cool show and went like most do, I was happy with myself and it was cool to have gotten on a stage frequently over the past 4-5 days. I gotta keep that up. One thing that did jump out at me was that Taxi Driver. He didn't tell jokes and it seemed like he really just wanted someone who would listen. Maybe people are too busy talking about themselves when he's driving them somewhere. But, as sad as it was to witness, it was f'n creepy. My boy Kevin couldn't do anything but look at me, and I'm not the best person to look at if you're trying to fight laughter. I'm an asshole. Tom Myers, Tyler loves you. But, who the fuck is Tyler Richardson. Well, that's all for this longgggg blog entry. Side note: Walking back to my car from Soho, that Taxi guy almost hit me and when Kevin and I looked into the cab and saw him talking to someone, the WTF look was wiped away and all was forgiven. Love you Taxi Driver guy...Laters