So Tyler, how was your weekend?...who are you?!

Firsteys, let me just say Congrateys to the Fowlest N@gga on the Planet. Last night I believe that Mike Way and Aparna tied for first place at the Improv showcase and Jermaine followed in second place. Forgive me for not knowing who third place was, but I talked to the Fowlest N@gga on the planet last night while very drunk. You know that he talks fast...

Riot Act was a fun open mic last night. Right before I hit on Ms. Dookie I realized that her bit about being in a long distance relationship is TRUE. If not then she's just not attracted to me, but the point is don't hit on her. It's an embarrassing walk away. Cause you know you're gonna see her again. I know I will..... back to the show though. Took awhile for the crowd to warm up but when I eventually got up there I had fun and it definitely made up for bombing at the Lizard on Sat. Did I mention the weekend yet? Let's just do this thing in reverse while we're at it...

So, the Lizard was cool and there were all my favorite people there. Poon rocked that mutha. Tim, Herbie, The Fowlest N@gga on the Planet, Bryson Turner, and "Who the F#ck is Tyler Richardson all had a rather interesting convo. Leo the man was in attendance. Saw that smoothe mutha Mike Way in action. At long last, saw the coolest cat on the earth, Jason Weems. Hadn't ran into him in a minute. And, lastly, I ate shit.

Before all that happened though, I did get lost in southeast DC. I joked with the Fowlest N@gga on the planet about how I was going to call him panicked cause I knew that was gonna happen. I've only been lost there a handful of times but getting to Catholic University gave me the "You're gonna get lost in SOUTHEAST DC!" feelin'... ya know. So, about 15 minutes after laughing about this call that was coming, I found myself on MLK JR. Blvd.(sigh) and there were people that looked like they wanted to hurt somebody on every corner. Need I remind you that it was broad daylight, and they could look right in the Corolla at your friend "Who the F@ck..." so I was playin' it cool but still on edge. Throw in the fact that I'd been drinkin' for some time and needed to STOP somewhere and take a piss. I really didn't want to stop anywhere that had SE beside the street so I continued to try and find my way through SE while holdin' back a monster piss. Eventually, I get a couple block into NW and decide that I can't hold it anymore so I'm gonna take the Colgate bottle in the back seat(that was empty) and pee in it then I'm gonna dump it out. Don't judge me, you know we've all done horrible things in a crisis. So, I have my pants undone, belt unbuckled, and IT is almost in the Colgate bottle.... then I pull up next to a church. I ask the man at the door if I can use the bathroom. Yes. THEN, I put it and the Colgate bottle away and zip up. I pee, he takes 10 minutes to give me directions to the University, and we're back on the road. Catholic University is full of at least two wonders:
1) It's surrounded by nothing but GHETTO. That's right, it's projects then out of nowhere this shiny golden cathedral. Odd.
2) It's seems that being extremely hot is a prerequisite to getting into the university. Not everyone was hot, cause like allowing a white guy in a black university, "Gotta keep up appearances".
The show went well and the audience was attentive. Even though the show went long, they were right there with us. And, the Fowlest N@gga on the planet was hittin' on anything that moved. Shout outs to the Engineers at Catholic U. You guys rocked and so do your 80-year-old grandmothers. There was a woman in the front row that was chuckling at the dirtiest stuff I had. I miss her already. Well, that's it for now. Drafthouse... May 3rd... just go people. Laters....