Stick to the script Tom Cruise

I kept hearing about some video that proves that Tom Cruise is Bat$#it crazy and so naturally I had to look it up.... oh it's true. And of course I wouldn't deny anyone from enjoy a taste of madness so here you go:http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress?autoplay=true

And you have the good folks at Gawker.com to thank for that little gem. Time really flies when you think about it. I was sitting in my cuby and thinking about getting lost in Southeast with the urge to pee, and there was absolutely no way I was getting out of the car. I had an empty Colgate mouthwash bottle in the back seat(no, I don't know why it was there but stay with me people) and once I finally got out of Southeast I still couldn't find a bathroom. I was unzipped and "kissing the rim" of the bottle when I found myself in front of a church. Did I mention that it was still daylight? Cause the attendant in front of the church definitely got himself an eye full of Wednesday night surprise. I rolled down the window and asked if I could use his bathroom, thinking there was no way he would say yes, but I needed to cut up some of the awkwardness. To my chagrin his reply was "Yeah, come right in young man... (chuckle)" So I put my c**k away and threw the Colgate bottle, which was piss free, in the backseat. I remember it being one of those knee bending, exhaling, almost orgasmic type streams that linger for about 13 minutes afterward. And that was almost a year ago from today. Ah, how time flies. That story doesn't really go with "Wow, time can get away from you" but when does anything I say make a lot of sense.

I realized why Bazooka gum isn't as popular as it was in the stone age today. I put a piece in my mouth and by chew number 4 it was flavorless... Son of a B*tch.

For anyone curious, BET Networks currently has no comedy shows (comicview,coming to the stage, random craptacular show) in production right now. Just in case some is thinking of calling like I do. But they do encourage you to call weekly since they are expecting production to start soon. Get your white gloves on cause there are fresh young minds to influence with ignorant stereotypes... "How did he get BET Networks phone numbers, one might ask?" Persistence my young friend. I learned from the Fowlest.

I've been taking up some auditions since Big Al Goodwin got his Pilot. In speaking with these people over the phone setting up dates, I've found that they can be some of the rudest D*CKS on the planet. One man told me straight up that he didn't care to "actually" speak to me, and that I should e-mail him again cause he'd forget what we were talking about. I've been spoken to like that before but when he said it, it seemed heartfelt and sincere. Then he e-mailed me good news, followed by more rudeness!? Oh showbiz, you are a HARSH MISTRESS.

Gotta go for now. "Come Seymour, we have things to do......" Laters