To some the 80's were just a time when music was happier and AIDS had just begun to run rampant. "But do you recall the most wonderful reindeer of all!".... I'm sorry that's a different legend. I'm hear today to speak of the biggest little man to grace the silver screen. He was a man that made the lovable dork something of a commodity. Without him there is now way to be certain that we would ever grow to love Shaquille O'Neal, George Clooney, Matt Damon or Bow Wow. But, what most don't realize when they think back is that he was more than a star, he was heroism personified. Here I will attempt to tell some of his story, based on testimonials and folklore of the man behind the man behind the man. After being a DJ that spun record that would make your mother raise her skirt, Rick Moranis went to Chi-Town to be a part of SCTV(Second City Television.... you should know that). But while making the world fall in love with the root beer drinking Canadian Bob, he was handling matters on the street. Here is an account of one night's events as told by Alan Sanders of Rhode Island: "Well, I was just out of college and looking for job by day and bussing dishes by night. So, I get off work one night and these guys are waiting in the alley that led to my apartment. I'd been mugged before, no big deal, but something was off about these guys. They all jacked up and just wanted to hurt somebody. They beat me pretty good and right when I thought I was gonna die for sure... there he came. I remember hearing someone scream out a lot of expletives that started with the words LET'S GET IT ON MOTHERF@CKERS!, and I really only remember it because I smiled when he pronounced it so proper. And, he just, well... he just came with the thunder. He whipped the ever-living S#!t out of those guys. He made on bite the curb; pretty sure that guy died, but he saved my life that night. And while I never got the best look at his face, once I saw Ghostbusters I knew. That's the guy, that's the guy that allowed me to live and impregnate my future wife. My children, and their children owe him their lives. Thank you Rick."
Time went by, Rick managed to hide his urges to defend the innocent at night, and continued his big screen success. Ellen Greene from the Little Shop of Horrors- "When he came to work there was this glisten about his brow... like he hadn't slept all night. Sometimes when we kissed on the set I felt like he was gonna suck me in. You could just tell he was stronger than he looked. The scene where my arm was in a sling, remember, well it was all bruised up from a previous scene with Rick. He was just too strong. He was just too strong..."
Still success couldn't run away from Moranis. There was one person who called Rick out on his awkward sleep habits and routine lateness to the set... Tom Arnold. During the filming of Big Bully in 1995, Arnold questioned Moranis on why he had to wait for 11 minutes for him to come out of make-up. Tom Arnold- "Yeah,(licked his lips in the crazy way) I ask one question and he punched me right in the knee cap... never experienced anything like it. So... I left it alone. Hey Rick! He isn't gonna see this right?"
So why after more than a decade of making good people love and laugh, and making the streets red with the blood of the wicked did Rick Moranis disappear? He tells us that when his wife died of cancer he found the schedule grueling when taking care of his kids. But... is that the truth? An anonymous letter received during our search would suggest otherwise. Here is what the letter read:
Dear Inquirer,
I really do not know why you are tracing the life of a man who wants to stay out of the public eye. Asking questions only disrupts the many works that he has dedicated the last 11 years to. To truly weave in and out of your society he had to go away. Most people under 30 might not be able to recognize him on the street now. He could be buying fruit behind you in the grocery store, or he could be pretending to talk on a phone whilst eavesdropping in on your conversation. But rest assured that when the time comes to act he will not hesitate to unleash a fury that police aren't capable of. His quest is to snatch the very genitals of wrong doers, bite the lips off of those who would speak evil against the good... and most importantly clean the streets up for the next geek growing to live in. He doesn't do any of this for himself, though sure, there is some satisfaction in stabbing a hoodlum, but he does it for us. So the next time you hear of a drive by shooting that was gang related, don't wonder "I wonder who did that?" but think "Moranis got another one!"
I'll be watching,
Mick Roranis
Well, whoever that letter was from, we got the message loud and clear buddy. Laters
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