If you didn't vote go to Canada

I voted today and I got a sticker! The voting was pretty $#!TTY cause I had to wake up at 5:10 am (much earlier than I normally go running out the door) and stand with strangers around. I hate how people continue to shuffle closer even though the line doesn’t move for minutes on end. The sticker was easier for me to get. No standing, no picking who might be a great president and steer us out of this turmoil… all I had to do is let some old guy bl0w me. I just sat there while he did all the work and got a free sticker out of it.

That’s not true though, don’t be weird next time I stick my hand out for a high five. I would never be that selfish, I did give the occasional brush of the hair to say “You’re doin’ alright Albert, alright…”

The cl!t tickle- Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like. For those that enjoy the compny (southern word) of a woman on a regular basis, run up on her when she least expects it and deliver. Don’t try to get sexual about it, just go from the heart. Let her enjoy the tickle and the more public the place the better. Get it going at a McDonald’s Playplace, but you have to shout “Clit TICKLE” as you get that tickle on. Mmmm, that’s sexy.

I sharded yesterday when leaving my grandmother’s house. No long story there, just disgusting truth. For those that are curious, poo gets cold if you sit in it for more than a few seconds. Moving on then…

It’s almost been two months since I started picking up and weights and putting them down again (and repeat) but I’ve noticed all of the “eye f*cking” I’ve started to attract is from 45 year old women, most of them have not been friendly with sex appeal over the years. I don’t know what to say… this is not what I expected.

Anyone going to entertain the kiddies tomorrow at Fairfax iNova hospital. To be honest, I hate helping people and other general acts of kindness. But, I love going to make those kids laugh and it even makes you feel good later. Could this spread to helping others? No. Putting a smile of the most charismatic hobo’s face would just make me realize whatever time I spent with him I can never get back. Everyone has their limits.

Whoomp there it is! I challenge anyone to start a work day with that phrase as loud as possible. Though you could be told to simmer down, I’d like to believe that’s just enough to jog Peter (the boss who never smiles or eats lunch) into his youth. If your boss does start to dance uncontrollably, let them dance damn you. You could end up pushing them over the edge, and what does a boss’ suicide mean to the grunt who put in their time? That’s right, 1-5 chance the next boss has a soul. Remember, “WHOOMP THERE IT IS!” Enjoy your Wednesday on me.

Like a 7-year-old kid, I asked my friend to ask his friend if a woman I like has “A Man or KIDS”. I don’t want them to ask her, I just don’t want to invest time and find out she’s a whore or worse… someone’s mother. Gee, I hope Jeff comes back to me with good news.

Veteran’s Day is next Tuesday, while most employers will be observing this on Monday, my employer will not. But that does give me the chance to enjoy a good ol’ four day weekend. Because I took off Monday with my own leave. Gears of War 2 comes out on Friday and though I’m going to work that day, I plan on playing for the next four days until my eyes bleed. I will take short bathroom breaks (no more than 3 poops a day), perhaps feed myself and go to the “O’Shaunessy’s” show on Saturday night. Wednesday won’t be nice to me next week.

After I-don’t-know-how-long of playing nothing but Jay-Z my iPod, which is on shuffle, decided to throw CAKE in between more Jay-Z. Just what’s going on in my life.

Jermaine seems to be having a great time in NY. Just letting everyone that the crime wave that NY refer to as “life” has not claimed the young fowl gentleman. I told him to stop washing and wiping his ass, that’s how I used to keep bees off me in middle school… and coyotes.

I’ll leave you with a final thought: Is anyone else aware that Alaska wants to secede? Who the f*ck knew? Where do they get the balls? More importantly, did anyone realize Palin’s husband is a key figure in this movement (that will never take place)? How was this not on every news channel during the campaigning? I’ve known for about two months and it blows my mind that it’s never brought up.

Laters