Fatty Boom Batty

Yesterday was a mad race for my girlfriend MJ. Sometimes in severe moments of desperation I look at myself in the mirror and ask “What would 11-year-old Tyler think about that?” I think once I explained how “she” made me feel he would get over it. Snoogins- Jay from Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back

Don’t believe what people tell you, it’s definitely gay to eat Snickers to kill time. Eat them cause they’re delicious. Just ask President Bush: “Totally gay dude”- The President

The last quote was a lie. That was Chuck Norris.

Yesterday a co-worker told me that perhaps I could cure a woman’s backne (back acne) with lovin’… so ignorant I had to laugh. Definitely not true though, cause she’s got it bad.

Blessed are the dogcatchers of the world. We all pass at least a couple people everyday that are so unappealing you cringe and look to the ground. If you look closely, most of these people are married. Cause there is someone for everyone. God bless the people who are willing to stare this challenge in the face and give it a big kiss. We don’t give them the thanks they deserve. Here’s to you dogcatchers, just a little something from everyone that just can’t do what you do. Bang her one time for the Gipper.

When I was in high school I used to work for After Hours Formal wear. Nelson worked there too, but more importantly so did a woman named Michelle. Michelle was a great big fat woman. She also had quite the pungent odor about her, not to be too gross but she stunk of cheese and filth. She was gross in every way. Luckily, she had a dogcatcher named Scotty taking one for the team. Bless his heart, but let’s get to the funny part. My nickname for Michelle became “Fatty Boom Batty”. Somehow it caught on and everyone in the store began referring to her as such. We couldn’t call that to her face so as a funny joke, we’d refer to “ The F Double B” (Fatty Boom Batty) around her like we were speaking about someone else. After about a year and a half of this (even the manager referred to her like that) she asked one day, “What does F Double B mean?” I was forced to explain this horrible nick name to her… $#!T. How do you tell someone you’ve been calling them that?! These were pretty much my exact words: “My friend Mike came up with the nickname Fatty Boom Batty. We all found it pretty funny, we’re sorry.” Yeah, I was a coward and put that off on someone else. Nelson and I occasionally laugh about that day, cause neither one of us could breathe when she asked what that meant. Good times…

I know it took me a while to post this thing today, but as soon as I get home there will be a complimentary YouTube video. I may not even steal it from Ryan’s blog… but I probably will.

Wednesday is a bit of a shorty, but oh…. Tomorrow is a whole ‘nother b*tch. Look forward to seeing you all at Wiseacres. Unless I realize that Randolph hates me and will never allow me stage time… hmmm.

Laters

An ode to spanish hold music...

Titles mean nothing, so let's just enjoy that one for a second shall we? Good. It was one of those rare weekends for me where I sat there and did nothing for way too long. I found out on Friday at 2:30 pm that Monday was a holiday... oh it was sweet like Taffy. I did all of the things that I said I would do on Friday(3 buckets o' Hot Wings from KFC, Stu's house, Miller Lite, random car adventure with Kevin in the middle of the night) and it was good. But I got so messed up that Friday and Saturday night are basically a blur to me. With that being said, let us jump into random fun.


Out of love and respect for www.chucknorrisfacts.com here are a few of my favorites:

-Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
-There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever
-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
-For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one
-Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year


Okay that was a little more than a few, but once you start reading through them to find great ones... you realize that they are all awesome in their own special ways. Picking less than 100 of them was hard enough, but I don't think that you guys should have that kind of time to read something like that. We are all at work right???

Yesterday my friend Josh said something to me that I refuse to keep for myself. I used to watch a lot of WWE wrestling. Oddly, I stopped sometime after I became single but he was trying to lure me back now that they offer it in HD. "You have got to see WWE in HD man, it was incredible, everything looks so much better!" Theo only thing I could say to that was "Yep, I can't think of any man who hasn't enjoyed a good sweaty glistened up man in High Definition...." I think he realised how gay what he said was. Tyler 1- Apparently "now" gay Josh-0

Where the hell is the snow(wintry mix)that all of the weather channels called for?!!!

Fat lady just walked by with what smells like a Spicy Bite.... fat lady's making me HUNGRY.

Without meaning for it to be so secretive, a friend at work and I are exchanging musical secrets. It is no secret that I own BOTH of Justin Timberlake's albums. Somehow it came up, probably while I was jamming on the iPod, and now a man that is almost 30 is curious "Can that kid who was in a boy band actually make good music?" Every experience I've ever had tells me that if most people like something it's probably good. I will show him the way of Justin... cause that muthaf****r make the body rock!

Well my friends, I must be going for today, but be cool everybody(Hello Erin.
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