Yesterday was a mad race for my girlfriend MJ. Sometimes in severe moments of desperation I look at myself in the mirror and ask “What would 11-year-old Tyler think about that?” I think once I explained how “she” made me feel he would get over it. Snoogins- Jay from Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back
Don’t believe what people tell you, it’s definitely gay to eat Snickers to kill time. Eat them cause they’re delicious. Just ask President Bush: “Totally gay dude”- The President
The last quote was a lie. That was Chuck Norris.
Yesterday a co-worker told me that perhaps I could cure a woman’s backne (back acne) with lovin’… so ignorant I had to laugh. Definitely not true though, cause she’s got it bad.
Blessed are the dogcatchers of the world. We all pass at least a couple people everyday that are so unappealing you cringe and look to the ground. If you look closely, most of these people are married. Cause there is someone for everyone. God bless the people who are willing to stare this challenge in the face and give it a big kiss. We don’t give them the thanks they deserve. Here’s to you dogcatchers, just a little something from everyone that just can’t do what you do. Bang her one time for the Gipper.
When I was in high school I used to work for After Hours Formal wear. Nelson worked there too, but more importantly so did a woman named Michelle. Michelle was a great big fat woman. She also had quite the pungent odor about her, not to be too gross but she stunk of cheese and filth. She was gross in every way. Luckily, she had a dogcatcher named Scotty taking one for the team. Bless his heart, but let’s get to the funny part. My nickname for Michelle became “Fatty Boom Batty”. Somehow it caught on and everyone in the store began referring to her as such. We couldn’t call that to her face so as a funny joke, we’d refer to “ The F Double B” (Fatty Boom Batty) around her like we were speaking about someone else. After about a year and a half of this (even the manager referred to her like that) she asked one day, “What does F Double B mean?” I was forced to explain this horrible nick name to her… $#!T. How do you tell someone you’ve been calling them that?! These were pretty much my exact words: “My friend Mike came up with the nickname Fatty Boom Batty. We all found it pretty funny, we’re sorry.” Yeah, I was a coward and put that off on someone else. Nelson and I occasionally laugh about that day, cause neither one of us could breathe when she asked what that meant. Good times…
I know it took me a while to post this thing today, but as soon as I get home there will be a complimentary YouTube video. I may not even steal it from Ryan’s blog… but I probably will.
Wednesday is a bit of a shorty, but oh…. Tomorrow is a whole ‘nother b*tch. Look forward to seeing you all at Wiseacres. Unless I realize that Randolph hates me and will never allow me stage time… hmmm.
Laters
Don’t believe what people tell you, it’s definitely gay to eat Snickers to kill time. Eat them cause they’re delicious. Just ask President Bush: “Totally gay dude”- The President
The last quote was a lie. That was Chuck Norris.
Yesterday a co-worker told me that perhaps I could cure a woman’s backne (back acne) with lovin’… so ignorant I had to laugh. Definitely not true though, cause she’s got it bad.
Blessed are the dogcatchers of the world. We all pass at least a couple people everyday that are so unappealing you cringe and look to the ground. If you look closely, most of these people are married. Cause there is someone for everyone. God bless the people who are willing to stare this challenge in the face and give it a big kiss. We don’t give them the thanks they deserve. Here’s to you dogcatchers, just a little something from everyone that just can’t do what you do. Bang her one time for the Gipper.
When I was in high school I used to work for After Hours Formal wear. Nelson worked there too, but more importantly so did a woman named Michelle. Michelle was a great big fat woman. She also had quite the pungent odor about her, not to be too gross but she stunk of cheese and filth. She was gross in every way. Luckily, she had a dogcatcher named Scotty taking one for the team. Bless his heart, but let’s get to the funny part. My nickname for Michelle became “Fatty Boom Batty”. Somehow it caught on and everyone in the store began referring to her as such. We couldn’t call that to her face so as a funny joke, we’d refer to “ The F Double B” (Fatty Boom Batty) around her like we were speaking about someone else. After about a year and a half of this (even the manager referred to her like that) she asked one day, “What does F Double B mean?” I was forced to explain this horrible nick name to her… $#!T. How do you tell someone you’ve been calling them that?! These were pretty much my exact words: “My friend Mike came up with the nickname Fatty Boom Batty. We all found it pretty funny, we’re sorry.” Yeah, I was a coward and put that off on someone else. Nelson and I occasionally laugh about that day, cause neither one of us could breathe when she asked what that meant. Good times…
I know it took me a while to post this thing today, but as soon as I get home there will be a complimentary YouTube video. I may not even steal it from Ryan’s blog… but I probably will.
Wednesday is a bit of a shorty, but oh…. Tomorrow is a whole ‘nother b*tch. Look forward to seeing you all at Wiseacres. Unless I realize that Randolph hates me and will never allow me stage time… hmmm.
Laters
2 comments:
Sadly, that must be a tumor hanging out of her dress. Poor woman must not be able to use the bathroom normally with this... if she is still alive, you might suggest she see a doctor to show her a little kindness!
"... if she is alive" lol, I always hoped she was pregnant with a super child to help us fight the machines. But your explanation does make more sense, my prayers are with her.
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