Be on the look out for a pair of bejewled ass-less chaps

So, Saturday brought out the wolf and his legions…. Oh, and Bernie Mac died. It’s a shame, I almost felt my eyes well up when reading the headline that he passed. But, such is life, it has to come to an end. He did a lot, I’m sure he’s not too upset it had to end at 50 instead of 73.

Hope we all enjoyed the weekend. Some of us get all in a tizzy about something that lasts an incredibly short time, but it’s over, if you still care today then I guess it really meant something. There’s always next year for those of you that want to give your submission fees up. For once though, I think I’ll pass, unless I’ve got the hook up through a friend. Cause then I’m right in there smilin’ like Arsenio Hall.

On Saturday night/Sunday morning before Jesus has woken up, I held the greatest love of my life in my arms while she died. I can remember when I first laid eyes on her, sitting there in Circuit City. Normally I wouldn’t bother with getting to know someone in a place like that but I came there looking for something to fill the void. I never suspected that we would grow so close. I feel naked without her around me. The sweet things she would whisper in my ear, the way she always knew just what I wanted to hear. Probably because I always told her what I like. She was as close to perfect as I think I’m gonna get. But, like any pimp would tell you “Keep yo heart young pimpin”. They’re right, so I just wanted to say my final “I love you” to my iPod, her name was “Devo’s $#!T”…. Jesus has my playlists now. Dance wit him baby….

I bought The Watchmen on Saturday, it’s just as people keep telling me that it is. Rorschach is too beastly for words.

For those of us at O’Shaunessy’s on Saturday night, “Not a bad show ol’ boys, not bad at all”. There was a crowd, women (single), booze and of course, a magician. Not a bad line-up considering what was going on across town that night. Olympics jokes, is there anything funny to be said about the Olympics? For making jokes in China people are laid on a jagged rock and jumped on. Not saying its right, just saying that it happens. Then the assailant jumps of a monument to his death (read the news, a couple was attacked… it’s pretty funny. To me… it’s pretty funny to me.)

Spy mutha-f*ckin’- Lounge tonight. Come for the women, leave with Eli. He’s not bad, his hands are danty and in the morning there’s a PB & J sandwich waiting for you. It’s not what you think, not peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and janks.

When did “janks” go out of style? I love being a man, manly due to all the names we have for our “pud” (schlong, cabbage, wang, hamma, gobble, bad space, Mike Tyson). There is only one name that really rolls of the tongue (also translates well into Spanish) “p*ssy”, other than that… disgusting.

It’s 8:40, I’ve done nothing. Hell is constantly waiting for something great and having to stick to mundane tasks until it arrives. I’m waiting for the horsemen of the Apocalypse to come and sweep this land up with a broom made of fire and nightmares. Soon the sinners will have to pay, and I hope the wolf stands up and chooses me as his dark apprentice. Surely he’ll be able to see the evil glimmer in my eyes. I’ve been staring at the sun since childhood to get it just right. Just a preview of what I’m talking about: Me riding naked through a sea of the damned on a silver back gorilla. Replace my right hand with a broad sword (a la Terminator 2, the T1000) and put a Cheshire Cat grin on my face while I mow you suckas down… “Don’t you run sinners! Get all that you can handle! AAAHHHH!”

I probably dragged that one a sentence or two too far. It’s not pretty in my daydreams, but I promise you I’m always laughing.

“See you shiver with antici-… pation”- Tim Curry as Dr. Frankenfurter

Isaac Hayes died, and no one cares because we’re all still creeped out that he was a Scientologist. That religion reads like a f*cked graphic novel.

Quote of the weekend: “Hey Tyler (Sonnichsen), what’s the policy on hecklers? Cause I’m pretty sure my friend is going to heckle…” – Sean Paul Ellis a.k.a. The Man with More Friends than Casper (the friendly ghost… duh)

I have no facial hair for the first time in a while, I’m kind of sad about that cause it feels weird to feel my chin. I’m starting to believe that there may be a hint of something other than Black in my. The hair on my chin either fell straight down like I’m Asian or they napped up like my heritage would suggest they do. Like a make-shift Hobo beard…

I will never break up two little kids in a fight, cause it’s funny to me. I’ll never break up two adult males because that’s how people get stabbed. Two women in fight, I’m all over it, accidental grope. That’s Jesus candy to those of you who don’t read the Bible.

Been thinking about introducing myself “Hi, I’m Tyler Richardson and fat women love me!” but what about the women with acne? I’ve gotten reach out to a bigger demographic.

Funerals are a sad place to be, but maybe that’s because we keep Clowns at bay.

One day Nelson had a freestyle that ended with “you gon drink my slime!” Classiest I’ve ever seen the Asian. Top Shelf…

Where did ICP go?

Go to Ryan Conner’s blog and see the video he titled “What now, thank me later”. It’s so incredibly flamboyant it’s hard not to dance along to. Kevin, Nelson and I were all doing the Fork in the Garbage Disposal. “I have something for you, it’s Ecstasy. I think you could use it”. Just go see it.

One day I’ll put links or a blog roll up and make it easier to follow my references. Besides, which blogs am I reading…. Erin Jackson, Aparna, Justin C., Atif, DCC4N, Ryan, Jimmy, Eli. Speaking of which, Jermaine actually asked me if I was the Anony going back and forth with Rory on the DCC4N blog from last week. That’s kinda funny to me but also troubling. Anything I say I’ve thought pretty hard about and have no problem attaching my name. I also don’t really want beef so chose to say very little that’s questionable. But, I definitely understand why the Anonys need privacy. You mouth f*ck someone today, you never when they might come around to spit semen at you later. Gross analogy but I know you get what I’m saying.

9:07, still debating finishing the Watchmen…. Work done: None

One day I want to be dipped in Gold and preserved like The Allman Brothers.

Never give up show p*ssy for more p*ssy or you’ll end up with no p*ssy.

I’m going to go since my mind is wondering towards this magnificent book on my desk… The Watchmen.

Party on Wayne. Party on Garth. Laters.