“Are you good?” Funny how a phrase like that can be responsible for such a long night of… well, misadventure.
Yesterday was typical “MJ caused us more trouble than it was worth” (I know that doesn’t seem like it could be true) and it started out so innocent. My friend Bernie just wanted to taste her sweet lipstick since it had been a while and we were calling friends all weekend trying to stop the drought. Finally, while working hard (like right now-ish) I get all these calls saying people have seen her. I could’ve waited til the weekend or something but I’m the only way Bernie was going to “eat” so I did what any friend did… snackrificed my afternoon. Sure, I could’ve let the Fowlest talk me into going to Wiseacres and get (insert random whine here) but instead I went home. Kevin had the day off, that has nothing to do with the story I’m just bitter that I had to come to work yesterday. So, Bernie arrives and I literally made/received more phone calls than a busy telemarketing floor setting up who had earned our business. Finally, we have our choice and now we wait for the meet up. What do you watch while waiting on a phone call like that? The Office, it’s perfect for any occasion. I made him watch “Rogan vs. Mencia” on YouTube and then it was off to Friday’s. Before we do that Bernie decided to take the scenic route, what could’ve taken 10 minutes took 30. I should mention that I peed in a women’s bathroom in a gas station right before we arrived… Ugg. Apparently women just toss used pads and tampons in the trash. When I first looked, cause it was filled with them, it looked like they were $#!TTING into napkins and throwing them away instead of flushing them. You can only imagine the horror on my face when I peered into the that can. Bernie gets out of the car and says “Oops, I forgot to hand you the money already”, so I put out my hand. This could have been over like that but then we did the dance of suspicion: 1) He didn’t just hand me the money like someone normally would.
2) He suggested we get back in the car
3) When I went to open his door he said “Nah, that’s suspicious”
4) We went and stood behind a pillar and he still fumbled with his money
5) Look left, look right… enter Friday’s as a shifty eyed suspect
We came in and sat down, introducing ourselves I realize that I know two of these “new friends” already. What luck, Bernie knew everyone that worked there. I say “Hey, think you can get a hook up on drinks?” He told me he didn’t think so. Immediately after I order my beer the bartender goes “Oh my God, Bernie! You drinking? What can I get ya? Don’t worry about it…” A lot of time passes, apparently the main man that we are waiting on has car trouble. Looks like we might have to go to him. About 10 minutes later Bernie comes to me and says “Hey let me get that 20 ($) back, I just bought some.” WTF!!!! I’m not sure if I was more pissed that he circumvented the entire reason we were there or that he just scored from a waiter. Probably the first one though, did I mention he had on a Double Dare shirt. Every black person at the bar went out of the way to tell him how much they loved that show. I don’t know how he does it, without trying he ensnares every person of color he meets. Could be his SWAG, but let’s get back on topic. So now he’s got a cup full, we’re still waiting, then another old friend from a physics class walks in. Loved the guy to death but this is why weren’t best friends. Once the (cough, I’m not saying it) got there hands seem to slide around and things are exchanged, he’s not stupid and knows what is going on. He knows NO ONE that is at the table with me. These are some of the things I can recall him saying while I “Shhh” and blew him off: “Aww man, I’ve been looking around forever!” “Think I could go ahead and get some too!” “I’ve been in a drought for so long, you gotta hook me up!” I want you to pay attention to the exclamation points behind everything, WE WERE IN PUBLIC. I swear he came up on my side with cash in his hand. I think the instant look of “You gon’ get a n*gga busted!” on my face let him know to shut up. So, finally it was time to get out of there. When it was all said and done, it was more trouble than it was worth. I didn’t get to sleep until after 2 am. I am a creature that feeds on sleep, not cool.
Eli, in case you’re reading this, what you gave me yesterday was not a list of 6 comics! That is all.
I got really lazy about calling clubs and what not, hoping it was because the summer sucks for laughter. But instead I’ll blame the Fowlest for leaving.
Yesterday a friend that never picks up when I call or calls back when they say they will called me. I was busy and said I’d call back, I lied on purpose. It’s the only way to teach people like that. Be busy or be a friend, I love hard like that. RESPECT.
They need to release “Jamie Kennedy’s Blowin’ Up” on DVD, that show was hilarious. If it’s already on DVD don’t point that out. Just buy it for me.
I went through yesterday without going to the bathroom. You know what I mean, I remembered that I kept meaning to do that this morning. But there was no time, “Suck it back ol’ man!” I’ll draw a sketch of the birth that will eventually take place, I’ll post it on http://www.deviantart.com/
Not really though, that’s gross.
“N*ggas copy my style, so I gotta switch up on em’.” – 50 Cent. Where does he get the nerve, not only is he the only rapper who talks like he’s laughing all the time; if he switched up his style I’d remember more than two tracks on his new album. Truth is he’s turned into another Method Man… remember him right?
There is a Chinese girl (not being stereotypical, she really is Chinese) on my floor that talks just like Rosie Perez. It’s like watching someone possessed by the devil. Assuming the devil was raised in the Bronx.
Laters
Yesterday was typical “MJ caused us more trouble than it was worth” (I know that doesn’t seem like it could be true) and it started out so innocent. My friend Bernie just wanted to taste her sweet lipstick since it had been a while and we were calling friends all weekend trying to stop the drought. Finally, while working hard (like right now-ish) I get all these calls saying people have seen her. I could’ve waited til the weekend or something but I’m the only way Bernie was going to “eat” so I did what any friend did… snackrificed my afternoon. Sure, I could’ve let the Fowlest talk me into going to Wiseacres and get (insert random whine here) but instead I went home. Kevin had the day off, that has nothing to do with the story I’m just bitter that I had to come to work yesterday. So, Bernie arrives and I literally made/received more phone calls than a busy telemarketing floor setting up who had earned our business. Finally, we have our choice and now we wait for the meet up. What do you watch while waiting on a phone call like that? The Office, it’s perfect for any occasion. I made him watch “Rogan vs. Mencia” on YouTube and then it was off to Friday’s. Before we do that Bernie decided to take the scenic route, what could’ve taken 10 minutes took 30. I should mention that I peed in a women’s bathroom in a gas station right before we arrived… Ugg. Apparently women just toss used pads and tampons in the trash. When I first looked, cause it was filled with them, it looked like they were $#!TTING into napkins and throwing them away instead of flushing them. You can only imagine the horror on my face when I peered into the that can. Bernie gets out of the car and says “Oops, I forgot to hand you the money already”, so I put out my hand. This could have been over like that but then we did the dance of suspicion: 1) He didn’t just hand me the money like someone normally would.
2) He suggested we get back in the car
3) When I went to open his door he said “Nah, that’s suspicious”
4) We went and stood behind a pillar and he still fumbled with his money
5) Look left, look right… enter Friday’s as a shifty eyed suspect
We came in and sat down, introducing ourselves I realize that I know two of these “new friends” already. What luck, Bernie knew everyone that worked there. I say “Hey, think you can get a hook up on drinks?” He told me he didn’t think so. Immediately after I order my beer the bartender goes “Oh my God, Bernie! You drinking? What can I get ya? Don’t worry about it…” A lot of time passes, apparently the main man that we are waiting on has car trouble. Looks like we might have to go to him. About 10 minutes later Bernie comes to me and says “Hey let me get that 20 ($) back, I just bought some.” WTF!!!! I’m not sure if I was more pissed that he circumvented the entire reason we were there or that he just scored from a waiter. Probably the first one though, did I mention he had on a Double Dare shirt. Every black person at the bar went out of the way to tell him how much they loved that show. I don’t know how he does it, without trying he ensnares every person of color he meets. Could be his SWAG, but let’s get back on topic. So now he’s got a cup full, we’re still waiting, then another old friend from a physics class walks in. Loved the guy to death but this is why weren’t best friends. Once the (cough, I’m not saying it) got there hands seem to slide around and things are exchanged, he’s not stupid and knows what is going on. He knows NO ONE that is at the table with me. These are some of the things I can recall him saying while I “Shhh” and blew him off: “Aww man, I’ve been looking around forever!” “Think I could go ahead and get some too!” “I’ve been in a drought for so long, you gotta hook me up!” I want you to pay attention to the exclamation points behind everything, WE WERE IN PUBLIC. I swear he came up on my side with cash in his hand. I think the instant look of “You gon’ get a n*gga busted!” on my face let him know to shut up. So, finally it was time to get out of there. When it was all said and done, it was more trouble than it was worth. I didn’t get to sleep until after 2 am. I am a creature that feeds on sleep, not cool.
Eli, in case you’re reading this, what you gave me yesterday was not a list of 6 comics! That is all.
I got really lazy about calling clubs and what not, hoping it was because the summer sucks for laughter. But instead I’ll blame the Fowlest for leaving.
Yesterday a friend that never picks up when I call or calls back when they say they will called me. I was busy and said I’d call back, I lied on purpose. It’s the only way to teach people like that. Be busy or be a friend, I love hard like that. RESPECT.
They need to release “Jamie Kennedy’s Blowin’ Up” on DVD, that show was hilarious. If it’s already on DVD don’t point that out. Just buy it for me.
I went through yesterday without going to the bathroom. You know what I mean, I remembered that I kept meaning to do that this morning. But there was no time, “Suck it back ol’ man!” I’ll draw a sketch of the birth that will eventually take place, I’ll post it on http://www.deviantart.com/
Not really though, that’s gross.
“N*ggas copy my style, so I gotta switch up on em’.” – 50 Cent. Where does he get the nerve, not only is he the only rapper who talks like he’s laughing all the time; if he switched up his style I’d remember more than two tracks on his new album. Truth is he’s turned into another Method Man… remember him right?
There is a Chinese girl (not being stereotypical, she really is Chinese) on my floor that talks just like Rosie Perez. It’s like watching someone possessed by the devil. Assuming the devil was raised in the Bronx.
Laters
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