I just took a turd so big I named it... Tyler Jr.

With the Olympics beginning tomorrow, I’ve begun festively celebrating in my own special way…. The running of the Chode. I’d tell you more but when the cops question you, I need for you to say “I don’t know what you’re talking about” and I need for it to be believable.

No one will have any clue what that last quip was about if they’ve never called someone a chode. Inside jokes are fun.

Unbeatable Banzuke is exactly what the name entails. A show about challenges that are clearly not meant for anyone to beat them. There is definitely something about watching people try to get further than the last guy though. Nelson and I saw something they called “Hand Walk 3”, the entire obstacle course is done on your hands. First they had you go up a pyramid of steps with gravel covering every step. Then you went up a series of rock (jagged, not even smooth stone). Once you made it up the hill, they put a step incline of plain ol’ carpet to get to the break area. After a quick break, you rode a pummel horse down to the next area where it came to a jolting stop (this is where the furthest guy dropped). From there I believe you went across a couple of bridges that swayed against you until you finally had to go up about 30 steps on what was basically a “f*ck me” looking pile. Needless to say…. The show was awesome.

Are we all aware that the DC Improv showcase is probably not coming back? If not, I didn’t want you to be the last one to know. Hopefully I wasn’t the last, I just found out last week.

I find it hilarious that when I introduce Nelson-a-vich-da-vidi-vich-ki to people, they already know who he his. It tickles him too. Next time I introduce him to someone I’d love it if they stabbed him. Stab him right in his Asian heart. Oh, that’s funny all right.

No woman no cry. Truer words were never spoken.

Nelson finds it pretty funny that my mother refers to thuggish black people as jiggaboos. For those unfamiliar (I probably spelled it wrong, but I’m phonetical that’s a racial slur for black people. My grandma and I were laughing about that the other night over lasagna, he was blown away. But, what do you expect, this is the same woman that pretty much refused to let me use slang. Can’t say I blame her. Wonder what kind of father I’ll be….

It’s almost time for new Dolce & Gabana… sadness.

Without purposely trying, I seemed to have lost some really close friends lately. Don’t know how, though it could have to do with the fact that I don’t call too many people. As for women, there’s only one that’s not family I seem to call regularly. Huh?

I heard a hilarious story about a man that called the police for a non-emergency. He purchased a sub at Subway and apparently did not get his sauce. He went to his car and discovered this outrage, then he came back. The people refused to give him a new Sub. I didn’t get any clarification on whether they would just open his sub and put some sauce down, but I’m assuming they also frowned on that. He said something to the effect of “I’m gonna go outside and relax before I beat the ever loving sweet crap out of every one of you” then when he stepped out…. They locked the door behind him. He waited after calling the cops and when they arrived he was pissed. The cops quickly realized that the robbery they were called for was not quite a police matter. They tried to tell him that, he broke it down pretty plainly for them back. “If someone reached their hand in my pocket and took my money I’m supposed to call you, but these people just robbed me of my money and you’re telling me I shouldn’t call you?!” Sadly, the man ended up in the back of the squat car for falsely making a 911 call. That story tickles me.

Gotta run, my Babygirl awaits….

Laters