During a training session, it’s awkward for everyone if you, the trainer, have a stomach growling louder than anything you’re saying. That’s just a fun little fact. You may keep it… if you like.
It’s so crazy how we decide what is attractive and what isn’t. Some like’em with meat on the bones (YES please!), some like’em with blond hair and some like women as skinny as the women on the magazines. There is no code for what we are drawn to, I guess we just find it when it finds us. I used to think I was all about cleavage but you know what? The first time I got these Swedish hands of mine on a good hunk of butt, there was no looking back. I must have sniffed my fingertips for years. Now I can accept that like most men (not black, cause we all seem to agree) I’m an ass-fanatic. Plain and simple, although unlike most “enthusiasts” I still care somewhat about what’s attached to it. For the women that are as ugly as seeing an Asian happy (TRich what is that supposed to mean?!) that man is destined to impregnate them and settle down. A.k.a. “The Dogcatcher”, bless his heart. Please God send me a YOUNG Tischa Campbell (Gina from Martin) look-a-like that will love my weird sense of humor, know just how I like my Peanut Butter and Jelly samich (yeah, I meant to spell it that way) and who never tires of fellatio. Praise be to the wolf… oh yeah, I’d settle for Beyonce too. It doesn’t matter that you’re having another man’s child, just tell me that you love me and make me believe it. LIE TO ME BEYONCE! LIE TO ME!!!!
Quizno’s sucks! Who needs that much meat? Giants do.
I don’t trust men in short sleeved “dress” shirts… I just don’t. Should you?
Every comic likes to see their name in print from someone else so here is the name of the day: James Jones. W…T… F… happened to James Jones?! He made me love him and then evaporated like he was simply a mirage (I know that he has a great job). Stay tuned tomorrow for more name dropping…
Is everyone who’s not white excited about NBC’s Stand-up For Diversity coming so close to home? I hope non of you funny muthaf*ckas show up so I can get my shine on… I’m sorry. I wish you all wealth, health and b*tches but don’t you come up there telling jokes and stuff and take their attention off of me. I will cut you, “I’m not hatin’, I’m just sayin”
Did anyone see how deformed Jimmy Carter looked when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention?! His eye looked like he was secretly the Terminator, and no one questioned it. On the flip side of the coin: I’m pretty sure that I recall hearing on the radio that Jimmer was diagnosed with cancer or something and if that’s the side effect of treatment, well I’m an ass. But I still don’t think we should show that on television, my little sister could see that $#!T! How am I supposed to tell her that T2 was just an awesome movie and in no way true when we’re putting the T800 right up on NBC? And he’s speaking right to us…
Chinese food is easily the most overpriced gunk in the junk. If it weren’t for “the General (Tso)” I’d tell her to take her high maintenance ass out of my life. “And, I know you been cheating on me too Chinese Food! Who the hell is Gary, why does he always call you so late?”
If people call you during “booty call” hours, that has to mean you give it up. By comparison, do you really think Sister Margaret is jumping up at 1 am in the morning to explain to people “Do you have any idea what time it is?!” Food for thought…
I believe I mentioned it before but I’m way to lazy to go back and read my previous blogs, “non of this $#!T makes any sense!” I think it would be funny (also a good premise, don’t steal it though, I could be wrong) if whenever you said something that was against your own (take an Uncle Tom for example, and when is the last time you heard that expression) you disappeared like you suddenly didn’t exist. Example:
Nelson: Hey, you feel like headin’ down to the movie theater?
Tyler: Nah, it’s the first night, you know there’s gonna be a bunch of loud n*ggas lookin’ for trouble don’t you? (suddenly glitter begins to fall from the sky around Tyler)
Nelson: Oh $#!T, what’s happening?! Where are you going?!
Tyler: I’m sorry Nelson, forget about me…
Nelson: (sob, sob) He should have known black was beautiful… I’ll play Mo Better Blues every August the 28th in your memory. Who’s gonna stop the machines from attacking us now?! Who?!
I’d like to think it would go something like that.
“I never meant to be so bad to you, that’s something that I promised I would never do…” I would recite all of Heat of the Moment by Asia, but I just don’t feel like you’d appreciate it. I’m a romantic.
I’m gonna go since I’ve run out of “stuff”. I’m glad the summer is pretty much over, my schedule if finally starting have breaths instead of dust and I’m calling like a mad man again. One more day to THREE DAY WEEKEND PARADISE!!!!!!
Laters
It’s so crazy how we decide what is attractive and what isn’t. Some like’em with meat on the bones (YES please!), some like’em with blond hair and some like women as skinny as the women on the magazines. There is no code for what we are drawn to, I guess we just find it when it finds us. I used to think I was all about cleavage but you know what? The first time I got these Swedish hands of mine on a good hunk of butt, there was no looking back. I must have sniffed my fingertips for years. Now I can accept that like most men (not black, cause we all seem to agree) I’m an ass-fanatic. Plain and simple, although unlike most “enthusiasts” I still care somewhat about what’s attached to it. For the women that are as ugly as seeing an Asian happy (TRich what is that supposed to mean?!) that man is destined to impregnate them and settle down. A.k.a. “The Dogcatcher”, bless his heart. Please God send me a YOUNG Tischa Campbell (Gina from Martin) look-a-like that will love my weird sense of humor, know just how I like my Peanut Butter and Jelly samich (yeah, I meant to spell it that way) and who never tires of fellatio. Praise be to the wolf… oh yeah, I’d settle for Beyonce too. It doesn’t matter that you’re having another man’s child, just tell me that you love me and make me believe it. LIE TO ME BEYONCE! LIE TO ME!!!!
Quizno’s sucks! Who needs that much meat? Giants do.
I don’t trust men in short sleeved “dress” shirts… I just don’t. Should you?
Every comic likes to see their name in print from someone else so here is the name of the day: James Jones. W…T… F… happened to James Jones?! He made me love him and then evaporated like he was simply a mirage (I know that he has a great job). Stay tuned tomorrow for more name dropping…
Is everyone who’s not white excited about NBC’s Stand-up For Diversity coming so close to home? I hope non of you funny muthaf*ckas show up so I can get my shine on… I’m sorry. I wish you all wealth, health and b*tches but don’t you come up there telling jokes and stuff and take their attention off of me. I will cut you, “I’m not hatin’, I’m just sayin”
Did anyone see how deformed Jimmy Carter looked when he spoke at the Democratic National Convention?! His eye looked like he was secretly the Terminator, and no one questioned it. On the flip side of the coin: I’m pretty sure that I recall hearing on the radio that Jimmer was diagnosed with cancer or something and if that’s the side effect of treatment, well I’m an ass. But I still don’t think we should show that on television, my little sister could see that $#!T! How am I supposed to tell her that T2 was just an awesome movie and in no way true when we’re putting the T800 right up on NBC? And he’s speaking right to us…
Chinese food is easily the most overpriced gunk in the junk. If it weren’t for “the General (Tso)” I’d tell her to take her high maintenance ass out of my life. “And, I know you been cheating on me too Chinese Food! Who the hell is Gary, why does he always call you so late?”
If people call you during “booty call” hours, that has to mean you give it up. By comparison, do you really think Sister Margaret is jumping up at 1 am in the morning to explain to people “Do you have any idea what time it is?!” Food for thought…
I believe I mentioned it before but I’m way to lazy to go back and read my previous blogs, “non of this $#!T makes any sense!” I think it would be funny (also a good premise, don’t steal it though, I could be wrong) if whenever you said something that was against your own (take an Uncle Tom for example, and when is the last time you heard that expression) you disappeared like you suddenly didn’t exist. Example:
Nelson: Hey, you feel like headin’ down to the movie theater?
Tyler: Nah, it’s the first night, you know there’s gonna be a bunch of loud n*ggas lookin’ for trouble don’t you? (suddenly glitter begins to fall from the sky around Tyler)
Nelson: Oh $#!T, what’s happening?! Where are you going?!
Tyler: I’m sorry Nelson, forget about me…
Nelson: (sob, sob) He should have known black was beautiful… I’ll play Mo Better Blues every August the 28th in your memory. Who’s gonna stop the machines from attacking us now?! Who?!
I’d like to think it would go something like that.
“I never meant to be so bad to you, that’s something that I promised I would never do…” I would recite all of Heat of the Moment by Asia, but I just don’t feel like you’d appreciate it. I’m a romantic.
I’m gonna go since I’ve run out of “stuff”. I’m glad the summer is pretty much over, my schedule if finally starting have breaths instead of dust and I’m calling like a mad man again. One more day to THREE DAY WEEKEND PARADISE!!!!!!
Laters
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