"A lot more hookers in Atlantic City than I thought..."

So, my office just had a major program go down for a while and I figured it the perfect time to catch the four of you up with my weekend. So without further ado....

The trip started with me getting ripped off at Nextcar rental. Horrible rental car place. Then we hit the road. I was under the impression that AC would only be about 3 hours from where we lived but I WAS WRONG. Six hours of jamming to random songs on my iPod and smelling the farts of my life-long friends, and we arrived. It was my friend Josh's bachelor party and getting strange was my primary objective. The events that took place did not result in success. We pulled close to the Casino that we had our suite at, but to our dismay the person behind the wheel did not know where to park. As he circled I had to go to the bathroom so bad I could taste it. We we finally did check in we made our way to the casino portion of the hotel. About now-ish is where the quote from the headline came into play. I noticed a man actually get turned down by a prostitute. I can only imagine he was found a day later hanging from his closet. Poor poor man.... moving on. When we switched over to Caesar's Palace, we got verbally molested by a group of about 5 plain clothed prostitutes. It's sad when your a hooker that's not even in uniform. At first I thought they were just really unattractive girls, then some of their questions steered me to the unfortunate truth. "Ya'll getting ready to party like a ROCKSTAR?" What do you say to that? We said "nope", but they didn't just go away. Then Josh tells them that we're from Virginny and they assume that we're big spenders here to gamble and pay for sex. How wrong they were. I noticed that my friend Mike and Nelson were getting ahead and basically leaving us to talk to the unattractive pros' and so I said "They guys up there are pretty shy but the one on the left's name is Nelson and the other is Michael. Help them out ladies." Revenge is dish that ain't bad served luke warm. After they shook the hookers and found us it was onto gambling. Somehow my friend Kevin was under the impression that there was a 3 am last call. So we all shoved free drink after free drink down the hatch. Come 3 am we were shocked to find out he was wrong and now everyone but me(cause I drink like that everyday) was so hammered we had to run to McDonald's to keep them from throwing up. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. The slots treated me great, Blackjack... not so much. I played one hand and decided I don't like losing my money that way. We jumped from casino to casino and when we arrived at one a Spanish man said to us "My what a fine night to be such a fine young man!" I didn't hear him say that so as he approached us I stood there while everyone kept it moving into the casino. I suppose I was looking for a fight but that's not what was in the cards. He walked up to me and with a tear tattooed on his cheek(D-Block) he said to me "You lookin' real fine tonight. Why don't we...." that was wear I bolted to my posse. Propositioned by a man, does it get any worse. By day one I was up(winning) and life was lookin' pretty sweet. I lost all the winnings in day two. Didn't lose money, but all my glorious winnings went right back into the machines and hands of dealers that they came from. I did see a man that literally had hands growing from his armpits and he was in a wheelchair in the middle of the hot hot sun. I wondered if that was the best place to be if you're a man that can't wipe the sweat from your face. I couldn't take a picture because my friends and the laughter wouldn't allow it. Mostly my friends though. I will add some pictures to this when I get home though. And, then of course there was Nelson, Mike and I placing bets as one person at Roulette tables for about 3 hours before we left cause we were cheap and refused to visit the ATM. Well folks it was a weekend. This weekend.... my first wedding. Laters...