"And the winner is Hampton"

Since most months of the year you have to wait to get back to an open mic, I thought I'd just let everyone who wasn't there last night(who wasn't there though) know exactly how it ended. I can't recall feeling happier for someone else. I don't want to leave any names out, cause I forgot most of the people's names I just met, but it was a good show all around and I had some slammin' chili. I guess I should say good luck to the Fowlest next month... but I hate him.

I got this new thing I'm tryin' out and it seems to be working; when a hot woman comes by, and it doesn't matter if they have a boyfriend, just stick a high five out there. They can't resist, and I know, "Who high fives anymore?" hot women that's who. It's great and could lead to future "talent"... time will tell on that one.

Senator Craig's interview with Matt Lauer was very similar to his situation with the bathroom. Because I find both hilarious, and I don't think he's guilty of this whole "gay" conspiracy. Sounds like a victim of circumstance if you ask me. Let's just imagine that he's not gay. He's in a bathroom, sees toilet paper on his shoe(he has a wide squat about him, very important), grabs it, and when he does so some cop next to him sees his palm and says that it "Go time". And, here we are, now there are some minor details that I can neither confirm nor deny. Such as whether or not he flushed, cause if he didn't and there was no "poo" then clearly he was in there to get him some. And, I hear tale of tapping his foot, which is yet another of the steps that lead to bathroom slammin'. I'm standing by my man, just like with THE JUICE.

I just got the tape of my Improv showcase in February and I feel a little stupid. I spent all this time, lil' bitter about not winning, and now I see why I didn't. Time is funny, which two of the bits at the end of my set were not.

I have got to find new common ground with my boss, I told him I was a Giants fan and now I'm stuck. That was not a lie, I just don't watch football that much so everyday I only have the most generic things to say. It's kinda like when the girl at the strip club tells you that she's new there and going back to school. You know that's a lie, and there is a brief pause between the two of you in acknowledgement, but then you both continue cause you don't really care. But, we have team building exercise and I plan on impressing him and seeing what else he's into. Here is my game plan:
Boss: You ready for the game on Sunday?
Me: My father was never around... do you like Guitar Hero? Cause I'm actually pretty beastly in that game and if you saw my skills then-
Boss: What?!
Just an example how well I communicate when I feel the need to impress, but one way or another I will convince him that I have the Midas touch. Especially when it comes to Domino.

I haven't been home too much lately but if someone has the new Radiohead album(I posted the link to it a few days ago) tell me how that is. I've read bad things from reviewers and good things from the fans.

The longer it takes for me to get my hair cut, the more I fear that I look like this guy Charlie that I work with. Charlie is a sweet guy, but has many problems. For starters Charlie is recently married, but his wife had two kids and then they had one. That's 3 for those counting and oh, Charlie is 24! It is the children that blame for his appearance most day and I also excuse him for them because that's a lot of %$^($@# kids man. He doesn't even shave and he's got the same patch coming in on his chin that I would if I never wanted to hook up.... ever. I can tell that he thinks it's cool cause he's always playing with it. And, he acts like a mixture of Bernie Mac and Bill Cosby.... not a good mix. But, someone told him it works, and he found a woman(with 2 kids) who'll love him. My point is I don't ever want to be Charlie. But, I don't mind being around him all day. Oh Charlie

Apparently, no one wakes up with the time to drop deuce. I felt the chili kickin' this morning and had to make it work so it was one of the few time to make that thing happen at work. When I got in the bathroom I discovered that it's pretty popular at 8:15 am to do. It was packed and there were people from that side of the floor(cause I don't go near where I sit) that were standing in front of the stalls waiting. I finally got up and it was uncomfortable. Naturally I squeezed in a giggle cause of the Senator Craig thing, I thought how funny it would be to tap a foot and show my palm. But, then I got to business. This was the first time ever where people were clearly looking in the stalls to check on your progress and there was no messing around. You got about 2 minutes before the peep, and then they come every 15 seconds. Took me about 4.27 minutes. I got through at least 1 Lupe Fiasco song, I need my iPod... especially if the only other option are the grunts of grown men who eat HUNGRY MAN.

I think work beckons so I must return to the slave helms... laters