I make this look good...

Hello everybody, la di da di we likes to party we don’t cause trouble we don’t…
Random man: “Boo n#gga, shut up! This ain’t 1981, get you @ss offstage.”
Never mind…

Don’t you love spring time? Love is in the air and everyone is all twitterpated. I’m thinking about strapping my dog Max into his ejacu-bag (it’s a series of bags I used to put him in to stop him from humping my ex’s female Jack Russell) and letting him have a good ol’ time. Ah, to be young…

Guard: Halt who goes there?
Man: I am Death, here to claim your soul, Donald Trevaine. Don’t bother running, I am everywhere… and nowhere.
G: But I…
D: You have lived a life full of women, one man in your early twenties and swine. Come with me into the abyss so that you may frolic amongst the other tortured souls. Where toenails grow back as soon as they are agonizingly plucked from your feet. The maggots will line the very walls of your urethra. You testicles…
G: But I’m not Donald Trevaine.
D: Oh… well, where is he?
G: Hold on, (yelling down the hall) Hey Don, there’s someone looking for you. Says you just won a vacation… Look, he owes me like $200 from a long time ago… think you could get that off him during that whole plucking the toenails thing?
D: Perhaps, do you have PayPal? I just really hate coming all the way back here to give it to you. The traffic in the DC Metropolitan area is a fat man dragging his nuts through his shorts.
G: What’s that mean?
D: Traffic is nasty.
G: Ah-ha.
Donald: Here I am!
D: I am Death…

Thank God rain is on its way, all this terrible sunlight has the beast in hiding. Praise be to the wolf.

I would almost be down for LARP (Live Action Role-Playing, see the movie Role Models if you have no idea what I’m talking about) if it didn’t mean giving up sex with attractive women for the rest of my life. That’s a steep f’n price to pay.

Lots of traveling soon, pictures will follow.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 is on its way to XBOX Live Marketplace… and PSN. Lube up gentlemen, it’s gonna be sensual.

A new (fine) lady friend made a complaint that ended with “she’s white, so I know she can read…” Now I’m more determined than ever to get a picture with an illiterate white person (older than 3). I might even get her in the picture; something tells me she wouldn’t be opposed to random weirdness. She is, after all, attracted to me.


This year my birthday has been set up to suck. Not for me personally, but everyone chose it for craptacular things. Oh, you want examples: Relapse by Eminem (has to suck, no way he comes back like it’s 97’), Blackout 2 by Redman and Methodman (a little too late my friends, did you take advice from Eminem?!), The NOW CANCELLED Rebirth by Lil Wayne (I think we all heard Prom Queen, nuff said), the only good thing I know of that will come out on my B-Day is UFC Undisputed for XBOX 360… and PSN. All I really want is a ZJ.

When the hell is the new Broken Lizard movie coming out? They were filming that like 2 years ago. I want more Michael Clarke Duncan in comedies… he’s a genius.

Yesterday at lunch my friend Jessica pulled quite the fast one on me. She made me think she was offended by the fact that I find anything a midget does hilarious. After sitting awkwardly for a few seconds she says something like “I love midgets, especially if I could keep one as a pet.” Yep, the world is just as warped as I am, you just have to let people be comfortable. See what you can drag out of your parents.

I’m going to get some important things done, like sharpening my sword for the duel with the Chess Dragon… you heard me right.

Peaces