I hate these long absences; I don’t shower when we’re apart. I let the funk wash over me, and more importantly those around me, to let the world know I suffer. Soon will be together again and I will B.O. hug the world into tears. – Billiam Shakespeare, the early poems
“1, 2, 3, 4… Hold the cheer! Someone here needs an introduction to a douche bag, seriously. Eck!”
The show at Catholic University was… something else. Part of me likes to believe that the crowd was tricked into thinking there would be a mass or something, only to audience members in a comedy show. At one point in my set I asked “So what do you guys do for fun around here?” The answer I received: “Read the BIBLE.” I think that awkward moment speaks for the show, but we did our best. w00t
4:20 was… I’m sorry what was I talking about?
Calgary here I come… in 2010. FunnyFest whoo!
Allow me to take a second a drop some of what I’m going through on others. I don’t really think my experiences merit advice but if it helps someone down the road someday, right on. When trying to break into the college market you will undoubtedly become familiar with NACA. This is not the only means of college work, there is the APCA, but it is the “Sony.” Meaning household name, most people flock to it, when truthishly ( I love using that word) Samsung makes a better television. Anyway, when you’re considering making that move you will either buy a membership ($$$$) or try to find a college booking agency that already has a membership and pays for other things that could be a hassle. I’m sure to many, the sound of a booking agency makes sense, it did to me too. Last year I made a concentrated effort to e-mail and call just about any agency that I could look up. Only one came back to me with “You’re a funny guy.” Once the reality of submitting for showcases (they wanted a lot of money right then, didn’t smell right) kicked in, I decided to wait. Now I’ve jumped back into that plan, but I’ve been fortunate enough to speak seriously with more than one agency and weigh them against each other. Turns out that the person who wanted a lot of money from me… well, just wanted a lot of money. Something smelled wrong about the figure I heard from #1 the second #2 mentioned fees. I immediately knew that #1, despite being the only one who thought I showed potential a year ago, was a bit pricey. Then comes #3 yesterday and blew me away, almost nothing. I can only speak for myself, but that seemed to be a big sign of legitimacy. Anytime someone speaks of a lot of cost prior to speaking about me making money I feel like I’m trying to model for John Casablanca. I still have other factors to think of but wanted to make sure that people don’t just go with the first thing you hear because you’re really excited. That is enough of that; let us move on to tomfoolery…
Just thought I’d share because it tickled me, this is an account from a woman in class yesterday: I saw a homeless man chase a perfectly normal woman up and down the street twirling a bag with shoes in it. He started following her and then I watched them both pick up stride. She crossed streets, he followed, she screamed and he shrieked louder. The crazy thing is no one tried to help her. We all just stood there for a minute and watched them on Wisconsin Ave during a very busy time of the day. It made my day…
I told myself I’d never $#!T talk through a blog, again, but Sean Paul Ellis cries like a hermaphrodite. There I said it. I was talking to him on the phone an he stubbed his toe on something. First there were a lot of swear words strung together, in no way making a sentence. Then I hear what I mistook to be a sea lion receiving a hand job. After listening and smirking for a few minutes I heard his wife come over and console him. At some point the words “Sponge Bob Square Pants Band-Aid” were used. I’m not judging you Sean… but you’re a weird guy.
Is there anything crazier than when you finish all of your work early and they give you more work. What happened to the days when they sent you home early to show everyone else it’s a competition? Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday…
Great, now I have Amerika’s Most Wanted by 2pac and Snoop Dogg stuck in my head.
Yesterday was one of the few times that I’ve just given up on trying to make eye contact with a woman during conversation. This woman’s shirt was so open, and “the girls” were sitting up like it was a competition for the better boob. I just quit about two minutes in. I’m going to be somebody’s father.
Traffic was, as usual, an old man whose nuts accidentally fell out of his swim trunks. By that I mean it was nasty.
Am I alone here, or does everyone else not give a f about tortured terrorists? We have got to get some better news. Somebody invent something.
And now for the obligatory “Dance up all over yourself at your desk” minute of rhythm… Mmm mmm mmm.
What’s better than one pornographic website? Seriously, I don’t know but I have to find another hobby. Did you know there is such a thing as too much of a good thing? Weird.
I will get back to shanty town, or as I like to call it “my daydreams.” Live well and don’t feed that hoe.
Peaces
“1, 2, 3, 4… Hold the cheer! Someone here needs an introduction to a douche bag, seriously. Eck!”
The show at Catholic University was… something else. Part of me likes to believe that the crowd was tricked into thinking there would be a mass or something, only to audience members in a comedy show. At one point in my set I asked “So what do you guys do for fun around here?” The answer I received: “Read the BIBLE.” I think that awkward moment speaks for the show, but we did our best. w00t
4:20 was… I’m sorry what was I talking about?
Calgary here I come… in 2010. FunnyFest whoo!
Allow me to take a second a drop some of what I’m going through on others. I don’t really think my experiences merit advice but if it helps someone down the road someday, right on. When trying to break into the college market you will undoubtedly become familiar with NACA. This is not the only means of college work, there is the APCA, but it is the “Sony.” Meaning household name, most people flock to it, when truthishly ( I love using that word) Samsung makes a better television. Anyway, when you’re considering making that move you will either buy a membership ($$$$) or try to find a college booking agency that already has a membership and pays for other things that could be a hassle. I’m sure to many, the sound of a booking agency makes sense, it did to me too. Last year I made a concentrated effort to e-mail and call just about any agency that I could look up. Only one came back to me with “You’re a funny guy.” Once the reality of submitting for showcases (they wanted a lot of money right then, didn’t smell right) kicked in, I decided to wait. Now I’ve jumped back into that plan, but I’ve been fortunate enough to speak seriously with more than one agency and weigh them against each other. Turns out that the person who wanted a lot of money from me… well, just wanted a lot of money. Something smelled wrong about the figure I heard from #1 the second #2 mentioned fees. I immediately knew that #1, despite being the only one who thought I showed potential a year ago, was a bit pricey. Then comes #3 yesterday and blew me away, almost nothing. I can only speak for myself, but that seemed to be a big sign of legitimacy. Anytime someone speaks of a lot of cost prior to speaking about me making money I feel like I’m trying to model for John Casablanca. I still have other factors to think of but wanted to make sure that people don’t just go with the first thing you hear because you’re really excited. That is enough of that; let us move on to tomfoolery…
Just thought I’d share because it tickled me, this is an account from a woman in class yesterday: I saw a homeless man chase a perfectly normal woman up and down the street twirling a bag with shoes in it. He started following her and then I watched them both pick up stride. She crossed streets, he followed, she screamed and he shrieked louder. The crazy thing is no one tried to help her. We all just stood there for a minute and watched them on Wisconsin Ave during a very busy time of the day. It made my day…
I told myself I’d never $#!T talk through a blog, again, but Sean Paul Ellis cries like a hermaphrodite. There I said it. I was talking to him on the phone an he stubbed his toe on something. First there were a lot of swear words strung together, in no way making a sentence. Then I hear what I mistook to be a sea lion receiving a hand job. After listening and smirking for a few minutes I heard his wife come over and console him. At some point the words “Sponge Bob Square Pants Band-Aid” were used. I’m not judging you Sean… but you’re a weird guy.
Is there anything crazier than when you finish all of your work early and they give you more work. What happened to the days when they sent you home early to show everyone else it’s a competition? Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday…
Great, now I have Amerika’s Most Wanted by 2pac and Snoop Dogg stuck in my head.
Yesterday was one of the few times that I’ve just given up on trying to make eye contact with a woman during conversation. This woman’s shirt was so open, and “the girls” were sitting up like it was a competition for the better boob. I just quit about two minutes in. I’m going to be somebody’s father.
Traffic was, as usual, an old man whose nuts accidentally fell out of his swim trunks. By that I mean it was nasty.
Am I alone here, or does everyone else not give a f about tortured terrorists? We have got to get some better news. Somebody invent something.
And now for the obligatory “Dance up all over yourself at your desk” minute of rhythm… Mmm mmm mmm.
What’s better than one pornographic website? Seriously, I don’t know but I have to find another hobby. Did you know there is such a thing as too much of a good thing? Weird.
I will get back to shanty town, or as I like to call it “my daydreams.” Live well and don’t feed that hoe.
Peaces
1 comment:
You promised NOT to say anything. I bet if I punched you in the lip, guns would fall out.
Post a Comment