Whoa, all of the sudden people read… I likey. So let’s tell some stories then…Gross but true: My mother made me spaghetti on Monday and she put TLC all up in that b*tch. Gave me gas though, especially while driving to work yesterday morning. I let a tiny breath of “fresh” air out and the car smelled like a spaghetti sauna. The grossest part was that it smelled exactly like the dinner I’d had the night before. So much so that I sat there taking huge breaths just to enjoy that aroma. I had spaghetti when I got home because it was on my mind all day long.
I actually have to come to work for a few hours Tuesday… that is an old man’s scrotum sac.
My friend told me that one of her girlfriends is a hooker. This is a respectable, young, business-oriented, college graduate that is frequently hanging out with a hooker. “The company we keep…” Anyway, I’m thinking about getting my Nelson some loving. I’m not above buying one for someone else, I just can’t pay for myself… I’m too pretty. I wasn’t going to completely surprise him, cause doing anything with a hooker is like wearing a shoe filled with semen. Last night I asked, “Hey, if I bought you a hooker would I be wasting my money or would you take her?” He responded “Well, I’d like to say I wouldn’t take that, but then again I’m not the one who paid so…” I’m sure there’ll be a long blog the day that comes to fruition. Oh April, you’re a month full of surprises.
I’m funny, my mother will vouch for that.
What the hell do we have to do to get some re-runs of Nickelodeon’s Doug?! It is completely ridiculous that Nicktoons Network doesn’t even play one of my favorite shows from my childhood. Doug Funny taught me to love one woman (Patty Mayonnaise), keep friends of different races and most importantly… he taught me how to scat. Scat…
Is there any better feeling than when a friend has a birthday and you know you didn’t get them anything. They might go the whole day waiting to find out what you got, but you already know that you didn’t get that $#!T… ah, Fridays.
Where is the comedy going on at this weekend? Text me if you know my phone number, I miss the Liz… O’Shaughnessy’s.
(Though you won’t know it, now comes the two hour break in blogging. I want you to know that while you can just skip down to my next statement, I have to sit through a useless two hour meeting)
And we’re back… I think I’m spent.
Peaces
2 comments:
I'd say fifteen cocks to the hogshead.
P.S. My anonymous fans are my most annoying. They just want to look like me, dress like me, figure out my saliva levels. It's a pain, dude, but it's just the price you pay.
DC Comedy is alive and well, it's just happening in T-Rich's blog. I'll be playing the role of de facto Mike Blejer.
When it comes down to it...hmm...T-Rich, we'll hit you up in a bit, the first basement show for the semester's probably gonna be in February, sometime after the 5th.
I'm not sure how I'll respond to the guys up there. Anonymous #1 is obviously jealous of me for some reason, maybe because we run a show that people actually go to...
And Anonymous #2 is also named Brian.
So, I suppose it's time for a twenty-paragraph treatise on the importance of objective beliefs in relation to comedy...
Nah. "Fuck off," will do, will do.
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