The Spy Lounge is resting for a minute... but I can't feel it's pulse

Well here we are again and it’s a Tuesday… ugh.

My new camcorder should be delivered to me within the next couple of days (fingers crossed) and we cannot wait to show some of the crazy ideas we (Nelson, Kevin and I = Riding with Strangers) have come up with. Just some titles to think about until we show you: Nelson can fly, You’re eating too loudly for McDonald’s, Wit my d*ck out… and Sex Fight!

Text messages between friends:

Person 1: I just took the MOST incredible dump of all time! The auto toilet double flushed itself! It was an island unto itself.

Person 2: Me too. But no tp.

1: That’s nasty, did you jump in the shower?

2: I had napkins.

1: Yeah, we did collect a lot of fast food. It was all that KFC, WHEW!

Know that this was an exchange between Nelson and I, but I will not say which one I am.

If you are a friend to someone and forward even a single text to their cell phone thinking “they might like this joke…” you are not their friend. I wish the “friends” I had that keep doing that would read this blog, but they know I don’t have anything of substance to talk about. Sigh…

“More $#!T than you can shake a stick at” HAHA, I’ve always loved sayings like this one because I’d love to see someone shake a stick at anything.

I don’t know why, but white children are the least cute of any race of children to me. They all seem to look as though they have a touch of autism… to me anyway.

“Tyler, I’m late and I’m keeping your baby…” (Man jumps out window from the 40th story splattering on the ground) “He really would rather die than raise a child with me… $#!T.”

I’m the proud owner of a copy of the movie Taken that is so DVD quality you should hate me right now. That movie kicked so much arse I have to say it twice, that movie kicked so much arse I had to say it twice. Seriously, Liam Neeson is officially the baddest mutha on the planet… followed closely by Matthew Damon and Samuel L. Jackson. Woot!

When I read Eli’s text message that the Spy Lounge was done “until further notice” I had a slow montage in my head. The first clip was Eli and I skipping down the yellow brick road with my dog Toto. Then I saw us lying on our backs, looking at the stars in the rain at my favorite spot on Gravely Point. Last I saw him in the arms of another man, Enrique, the reason I stopped showing up there in the first place. Then I remembered, Eli and I aren’t lovers and have never done any of those things. Plus, Eli uses too much tongue when he’s kissing… that’s not cool.

“Blame it on the al al al al al cohol…” Okay Jamie Foxx, with the help of T-Pain you’ve duped me into liking something you sang. Next move…

I spaced out for a little while downstairs grabbing my lunch today. I was looking at an older black woman’s everything (she was BAD!) and when my eyes focused she was looking dead into them. I smiled and paid for my taco salad.

The boner will hence forth be referred to as The Chunk. That tickles me.

You know that awkward silence when you almost cause a car accident and about four or five cars are staring at you angrily? The best way to get that to go away is driving lessons, and a wenis.

Somehow the discussion of “Should you keep a bag in your car to $#!T in?” keeps coming up around me. Maybe I do attract fecal conversation.

According to my Grand mama, the answer to the above question is yes. She’s living proof, sometimes you have to $#!T in a bag.
Soul Men was funny, but it is the easily the only movie where Bernie Mac’s cock eye stole the show. It’s never looked that bad before, at least he seemed capable of hiding it before. I couldn’t take my eyes off it… may he rest in peaces.

I feel another trip to the “pool”, you know I was going to make an elaborate poop joke, but instead I’ll make this brief. Yep.

Peaces.