Well that is wallet, but that Crystal Meth was definitely a donation...

Well, can you believe the weekend is over just like that? I wonder if that’s what watching a child grow up is like. One day I can’t wait to look at my son (God, please don’t ruin the baby and my life by giving me a girl) and say “Wow, cursing already. Just yesterday I was tucking his middle finger back in when we went to Chuck E. Cheese’s.” They grow so fast…

I bought a new camera with the sole purpose of taking pictures with elderly folks. Time to decorate my cubicle with pictures that really capture what I like to do in my free time… pal around with “oldies.” Whenever I get a good one, I’ll include it in the blogs.

On Saturday I realized that for the first time in my life, I had encountered a crazy woman. For a long time I’ve been of the belief that if a crazy woman wants you, you might as well let her have you. No point in running from someone that wants to give you some lovin’ right? So wrong, because now I see that no physical pleasure is worth putting up with someone that you think may stab you if the opportunity presents itself. I realize that she could reading but even she has to know that she’s bat$#!T crazy. Yet again, all I can think is “Wow, someday this going to be someone’s mother.” I wonder what my mom was like in her 20’s.

Will Ferrell’s George W. Bush “thing” on HBO was pretty hilarious. I caught it last night right before bed and if the ex-president had been half that charismatic he could have won over at least 35% of the country. Instead…

Saturday night was St. Patrick’s Day. Being black, I did not realize it until Kojo brought it up. All we could hope was that punching people who didn’t wear green had gone out of style after age 11.

Something seems weird about knowing you’re going to eat at a grungy restaurant for lunch ahead of time. I’m really not looking forward to the KFC that is in order. I keep picturing roaches preparing my popcorn chicken… without hair nets.

Nelson and I took part in a “shady” dealing yesterday. The whole story is pretty long and boring so I’ll just give highlights:
-We pull up to a strange neighborhood and Nelson isn’t sure where his friend lives
- The friend leaves us waiting for about 15 minutes, long enough to listen to about 5 songs by Twista
- He comes down with J in hand, in the open parking lot, in broad daylight
- Reaches in to pass said J to Nelson
- Suddenly he realized that the legs in the passenger side are me, he does not know me
- We begin speaking about the military
- A car pulls up behind and blocks us in
- The friend goes to the car and gets in, it speeds off down the street
- Nelson and I weren’t sure who that car was, but did not stop the rotation, it was good $#!T
- They come back and I proceeded to give the weakest dap of all time, limp like a strudel

Resident Evil 5 is INSANE! Anyone that has it knows, if you don’t go to IGN.com and look it up. Best $70.00 you could spend, unless Beyonce became a very cheap hooker.

I’ve lost my du-rag, not really all that important but I had just broken that one in. If you see it on someone else’s head, snatch that b*tch off and mail it to me. It’s black…

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I love you Kevin James but you stole $21.50 from me (damn, it’s expensive to go to the movies now). You’re lucky my date was so fine, otherwise I’d be pissed.

Since I’m going to lunch soon I’ll try to wrap this shebangybang up with a final thought.

Ron Silver, Actor and Political Activist, age 62 is dead. Sigh, "why do you take the good ones and let Nick Cannon go free Lord? Why?"

Tear drops....

Today I'm feeling a little melancholy since it's my last day in my section. The year has past so fast I'm looking back and finding that there were a lot more memories of laughter then I thought. I guess that's how everything is when it's time to say goodbye though. It's the happiest sad that I can remember in a long time. Luckily, I don't keep a lot of crap at my desk(photos, plants, knick-knacks) so it was a pretty short clean up of my cube. But when it came time to throw away random junk I'd hidden in my desk, it hit, I'm leaving. These supervisors saved me, literally, from a life that I didn't deserve and clawed to break free of. And, not to get to mushy but.... there's an ice cream sundae social downstairs at 2 and I'm pretty wet about that. (God, did he just say he was wet? Ugh) But, I was thinking about this last night so today's blog will be one of remembering. If it makes you think of someone that you miss but can't say anything to, then I'm glad I could remind you.

I'd like to take you back to June 2001, a group of friends and I were at Kings Dominion the day after our prom, cause that's what the cool kids did. It was Nelson, my friend Mike, my date Katie Southard and me. As soon as we got to the park Mike shouts "Permanent riding buddies!" and grabs me. What could I do, but look Katie in the eyes and explain "Well, he did call it, sorry Katie". One of the first stops we made was to get advance tickets to the Volcano, since for some reason a decade after it's up it STILL has the longest line in the park. We hit up every ride in the park before our tickets were ready to be used. It was pretty funny to watch as Katie rode with Nelson all day, since she really(REALLY) didn't want to ride with him... and I was her date. Just to knock this out, no I'm not gay, but I was still emotionally fixated on another girl that wasn't really giving me my due. So the time comes to go to the Volcano and redeem those tix... or so we thought. Nelson, bless his Asian heart, lost his ticket somehow. Which leaves three people and we all know someone is riding alone. All day I rode with Mike and Katie was not about to ride alone on this one. So, we wait for our turn... no one is speaking cause we don't know what we're gonna do about riding buddies at the moment. A man makes his way through the crowd of people waiting and says there is room for two on the ride before our tickets were due. He looks straight into my eyes and says "You, who you with? Him or her?" I look at Katie(dramatic pause) "It's me and him" the only thing I could hear Katie yell out as Mike and I laughed our way through the crowd of people to get on the ride was "Deaven you Asshole!" and I yelled back "Sorry Katie" Then we laughed the entire length of the ride. We kicked our feet like excited children and coined it "The Southard Shuffle" since she was unable to actually ride the Volcano that day. She did not want to ride after we were done. She was pretty pissed at me. I didn't see Katie again for another 8 months or so, but when she did run into Mike and I, her words were "what's up Asshole" sarcastically but she still clearly had not forgotten about the Southard shuffle. Neither did I, it's still funny to me looking back on that day. In 2004, Kathryn Southard was in a car accident that claimed her life. She was one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, and one of those women that you take home to mom. I never really got to apologize and mean it, but I'm sure that if I ran into her again it wouldn't have mattered... she was good people. I think about her, as well as a few other close friends that I had that have past away. Chances are when you die, you probably could care less if the people you knew are still thinking of you. But, in case they ever get bored and take a look, I'd like them to know that when the day slows down I'm still grateful to have known them.

I hope to see some familiar faces at the Arlington Cinema N' Drafthouse and the Hyatt on Saturday night, and then on Sunday it's TNA's Destination X pay-per-view!!!! And good luck to all the participants in the Clash of the Comics next Tuesday at the Richmond Funnybone(I'm hosting)

Have a great, safe, and definitely hazy weekend everybody!!!

Laters

"Yeah, it is a beautiful day... wait I'm gonna poop."

Don't wonder, that quote was a treat that I received courtesy of my friend Charlie earlier this morning. Bless his horrible soul. The last several days served up a lot of potential stress. But, the big G was looking out for me. Respect.

Let us go back to Saturday. I, a young man with buttocks of a God, am making my way home from a lovely little town call "Alexandria". As I sped home at a brisk 90 mph, I couldn't help but notice that my accelerator wasn't functioning anymore. I pulled over....think...thin..got it. I call McNelson and inform he and Kevin that their negro is quite a jam and could use a couple of chaps to come and help me hump this bad situation into submission. They showed up about a half hour later. We ride... home. I wake up, being a procrastinatory(I do believe I just made up a mantastic word just there) chap I did not call to get the car towed from I-95 immediately. That's where I F%cked up. Upon speaking to the towing company I'm informed that there is a good chance that my car has been impounded already.... like modern day Gypsies they read my fortune. So, the police were very polite in getting me to the people that now had my vehicle... asses. And, wouldn't you know that when I called they had just gotten my car. If only I hadn't lied in bed for a hour before getting up on Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....ah(wasn't I telling a story?! Better get back to it then) So, I find out that it will be a couple hundred bucks for the impounding (AHHH) and then it needs to be towed( Jeez) and then someone gets to tell me what's wrong.... my worst fears were confirmed. The Korean men that I spoke to put it very simply in their "fresh off the boat way" ahem---"Your car not get OIL for long time. adsfd dsadsa ENGINE dadff gaggad." There is a word in that second sentence that should stick out like a sore thumb. Then we get a night of waiting to hear what magical number he pulls from a hat to fix the car. I'm horribly cheap, so waitin on this call is like waitin to get home while at work suckin' back a "No. 2". Finally, the number..... I don't need to tell you that I wasn't excited to hear it. But, let's focus on the positives here...... yep, there are none. But, you'd never know about trouble if you were looking me in the eye cause I was a rock. I just don't shake or tremble.

Bachelor Party this weekend. Should be fun, and yeah STRANGE. Although, and it's gonna sound pretty gay, I don't have the energy to chase these females. I think people get all types of productive things done when they pretend like the other sex doesn't exist. Like today for example: I'm going commando but due to the fact that I'm working and walking flirting, I don't have to worry about a chubby friend of ours creating any awkward situations. Cause all it takes is a good perfume and your pal( and mine) is ready to meet everyone and get a good smell of'um.

Even though I know that my job is looking at our emails, I still keep opening emails from people that I know will curse while I'm at work. I must stop this, but the words OPEN THIS OFF THE CLOCK are never in the subject line, so I get dooped everytime.

Laters