Paying bills

I think I've started to get the first signs of growing up. I paid 5 or 6 bills ahead of time and have been beaming all day. It's truely a frightening concept, sort of like how my mother's perfect weekend is waking up at 8 am and going to Lowe's and then working on her garden and lawn til' she's exhausted. What ever happened to the good old days of doing nothing and loving it. Am I the only person alive who doesn't even wipe my own ass on my days off cause that's too strenuous. My people we have to be heard.
I think I made a mistake earlier today. See I saw these shoes that I just had to have and bought them. Valentine's Day is right around the corner and I haven't bought my girlfriend anything. To clear the record the mistake was that I didn't overnight the package. And I bought two pairs (different colors). But I should have overnighted. I AM SO CHEAP! It's a gift and a curse. My dog has got this disturbing habit of sounding like he's choking. Only when he's being walked though, and I'm not making this up. Everytime we walk past people when he's out on his walks he makes the sound and I get glares from everyone. And he's a little JAck Russell Terrier so he's supposed to be cute, but when people see he's a rough coat the erection goes away and they think I'm choking a rat to death. But they never say anything because as people we believe that the ugly should die and fend for themselves. If I die like 50 yrs. before my wife I'm committed to continuing the relationship am I? That's along time with no sleep, food, tv, or anything and you know what that means...Dry Humping. And lots of it, that and hunting the small, cause it's heaven dammit. On a completely seperate note, working out makes me poop a lot more than I'm comfortable with. Anybody else feel the same way? and the same goes for granola bars, except they look a little too familiar for my tastes.
I was eating some lasagna a minute ago and looked up and saw Bernie Mac. Yeah, I think we could all assume that I'm done eating (okay honestly, I can eat through that but I did step back and think "Damn, that man is ugly" so it's practically the same thing. Winter Olympics are coming.... alright. I get far too much enjoyment out of inviting people into my car then making them sit through nothing but Fiona Apple. Hard FIONA APPLE! Them Nigga's ain't ready son!...? Yeah, I don't like the sound of slang coming from me either. I'm gonna go and tomorrow I will have quite a long entry. Be cool people.