Apparently, now I'm a racist

I know that you had to miss my sultry voice a little bit right? Oh, and here is a comment from yesterday on a really old blog (last August) that tickled me:

“you sick idiot, how could you be so racist! You openly said " I hate
Africans" I think you are a disgrace to nature and you should remember its
2009, if you're racist you are frowned upon. How disgusting and for your
information my husband is African”

– Someone who is a little upset

For some reason I think that lady thinks I’m white. I know that I don’t have to be white to be racist, but why would she tell me that her husband is African. Hmmm…

Let me get this out of the way so a stalker knows where to snatch me at:
March 11- Fairfax iNova Hospital (making smiling kiddies giggle)
March 12- Arlington Cinema N’ Drafthouse
March 26 through 28- Baltimore Comedy Factory (Kyle Grooms is headlining!)

There are actually a couple of e-mails I’m waiting on, but shockingly I’m looking forward to March this year. Hmmm.

I would love to pretend that hundreds of people are searching for me everyday but it is nice that people searching for photos are stopping to check out… well, whatever this is. I dig it, I also dig Wendy’s chocolate Frosty. That’s probably because I’m eating one right now.

I’ve decided to start taking pictures with random old people and lining my cubicle with them. I have no children, don’t really see my family that much and never really got down on snapping pictures in the first place. Sadly, and full of arrogance, the reason I want to take pictures now is because I want to remember how good I looked. Oh, I may not have won the blue ribbon but one day my children are going to look back at ol’ dad and say “He could get it…” To which I’ll reply “I’m your father! Go to your room!” Ah, to be young.

Took a three (laziness is crippling) break from working out and just went back yesterday. Today, based on body language and stance, I will be playing the part of the horseshoe crab…

That random person’s comment yesterday reminds me of a great moment in Kevin history: Standing in line waiting for the concession stand at the theater, Kevin has troublesome eye contact with the woman behind him. He leans in to whisper to Nelson, “Looks like that lady behind us has a TOUCH of autism.” When he turned she was making more eye contact and standing much closer to his face. It was awkward.

Jesus, three years ago I was blogging from a car dealership, and terribly depressed. I cannot wait to see what three more years bring to me. “Please not a kid, please not a kid, please no…”

A scientific question:
Does farting right after applying cologne nullify its effect?

A scientific answer:
Only if you’ve been to Five Guys within the past 17 hours.

I thought it was weird that the Five Guys in Woodbridge, VA placed “Voted Brooklyn’s Best Burger in 2007” on the marquee. Well now, maybe that can work. Let me try: “Come to McDonald’s, Not a drop of semen in the grease since 2006.” Yeah, I think I get it now. w00t

The song “Pop Champagne” is my new (dance naked while puffin that magic dragon) JAM.

Will Leonardo DiCaprio end up a great actor forever, like Jack Nicholson? Just something to think about.

I hope we’ve all got tickets to the Watchmen, some reviews have ranted and raved while others… no so much. This will be one we just have to think for ourselves on.

Least intelligent thought in awhile:
When someone mentioned the Glass Managerie, I became confused and immediately started reminiscing about the Glass Elevator (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Part Duex). Luckily, before I could interject and let everyone know that I had no clue what they were talking about the name Tennessee Williams go mentioned. I realized then that at some point we must grow past the third grade. But man, I just don’t want to.

Has anyone actually thrown up because of the topic of conversation while eating? Because I would excuse that person and never forgive them. Being grossed out by what someone is saying is childish. Someone could be dropping the deuce and I could stand right over them eating a sandwich. Am I Superman? No, maybe a lot of people just have a lot in common with Lex Luthor. That didn’t make sense, but you know what I’m talking about.

I almost had a N*gger moment when someone came close to stepping on the ol’ Lacostes last night. I’ve never been the type to get “all swole up” for no reason… but if he stepped on my shoe…

I taste a little blood. WTF does that mean?! Please God, tell me a booger just got stabbed by a Hispanic.

Well, I’m gonna go, look for a new video really soon. And Jermaine and I will have this new thing ready. I heard from him last night and now celebrities are giving him quotes to live by. Rhymes with Smave Gazelle… get busy guessing.

Peaces