Well, yesterday the children never came down to laugh. What do comedians do when the audience doesn’t show up? Rock out to Rock Band in the hospital’s game room. And a partridge in a pair tree…Darn this Christmas music that runs through my head all the time, that last sentence didn’t even make any sense.
People have way too many rules, I find out about these rules after I’ve broken them. Examples you say; “Are you drinking soda this early in the morning?” I had no idea that there was a time when it became fashionable to drink soda. I have always just wanted it when I was thirsty. “Wow, you’re drinking beer this early?” If it’s Saturday, it’s SATURDAY. I’m not married, nor do I have a second job that requires I be alert and operate heavy machinery. Wherever I go, I want a buzz. “You’re wearing blue and black?” This is one “girl fashion rule” I will never understand. Nelson and I were talking last night about how a neutral color can possibly not match with something. Every man that I know doesn’t understand this logic, most don’t even follow it because they do go together. Don’t tell me something that looks that cool can’t be right. Just don’t… (somewhere a woman is shaking her head, well I shake right back at you Ms.)
Elvin Bishop sang I fooled around and fell in love. Thank you Mr. Bishop.
In case you missed the title, TAKEN will have a sequel. Pray for the best, and thank you Liam Neeson.
Personally I think a scarf on a man is effeminate but I briefly considered it yesterday while on Amazon.com. A Burberry scarf (cause if I’m gonna be gay I at least want to be fashionable) was somewhere around $300! I would have more fun paying a homeless man to eat 300 $1 bills. No spank you Burberry, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. What would your mother say?
Crisis avoided: This morning I thought I could hear all the lasagna I inhaled last night speaking to me. That lasagna decided to shut up when I got in the car to fight traffic. Thank goodness, I look way too good to be smothered in poo today… not that it was a possibility. But for a second I thought it might be.
On the off-chance that I get stood up tonight (remember Babygirl from last summer?) then I’ll finally get to check out Jake & Tyler’s open mic at the Comedy Spot. I’m not sure which to root for.
Just thought I’d take a second to shout out Eric Monocle, if you don’t know him feel free to Google him.
I never thought I could ever be the victim of identity fraud, but my account says otherwise. Just goes to show that using commercial sites (meaning they don’t look like a 6-year-old made them) doesn’t mean that you’re safe. Check your statements kids.
Until last night, it had been a long time since I wrote a new joke. That’s just f*cking depressing. Thank God that’s over.
S.P.E., I didn’t want to text you because I don’t know how early you go to work in the morning… but, if you stand me up this weekend I’ll kill you. Just like I did to Winnie the Pooh. And I’ve loved Winnie all my life Sean, all my life.
I keep flashing back to crawling around my mother with a laundry basket over me pretending to be a ninja turtle. To be young…
After hearing about the Alabama “rampage” on Tuesday, I can’t stop wondering what his last meal might have been. If I knew that I was going to go out in a hail of gunfire I would make sure that last meal was my favorite. Problem is that I have issues with choice, it takes me forever to rent a movie, let alone pick my last meal. Wendy’s or Chipotle? Fast Food or A Meal? Chicken or Steak? Sober or not? I could do this all day. Chances are that they would have to report a “rampage” (I keep the quotation marks because most of the people he killed were family, that’s like cheating because a stranger might not trust you. “Hey who wants this slice of… of $#!T Billy has an ASSAULT RIFLE! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!”) took place that involved a man stopping at different restaurants along the way. They would report on my killings with accompanying foods. “He killed this man while inhaling a Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy’s, look at all that saliva. He was a monster…”
Tomorrow my team is eating lunch at Ruby Tuesday’s to celebrate a graduation… that’s right, people still eat at Ruby Tuesday’s. I’m just as shocked as you are, this girl could’ve picked anywhere in the Tyson’s Corner (expensive restaurants!) and went with Ruby Tuesday’s. Sigh…
Peaces, RE5 tomorrow my fellow geeks! I see you Atif!
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