Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in at least 8 years. Not that I'm proud of that, I just really hated going to church when I was younger. I grew up and since no one could make me go, I didn't. But my mother is a clever shrew and had a trick up her sleeve to lure me there. She bet me that if my traffic court case went beautifully I must go to church. I was weak, I'd have said yes to anything(except tickets to "Woman f**ks a Horse, that's just gross) and there you have it. Doped, I did see some thing that interested me:- My mother dropped her pen, it was a nice pen too, and a kid picked it up. He went on to deface the pastor's family on a program and wave the proof of what a monster he is high above his head. His father didn't seem to pleased. My mother discovered that he had her pen and asked me to get it back. I saw the kid pick his nose.... so he kept the pen.
-There was a gay man behind me, I could feel him burning a hole in my heterosexuality with my peripheral vision. I'm not saying that gay people are going to hell, but isn't there something better he could be doing with his Sunday. Like sewing socks or something...
- They let a child head the choir, everyone seemed to think this was cute. I don't have any children, and since I couldn't relate I was just pretty annoyed with the terrible sounding kid heading the choir.
-A lot of women with children looking around the room. Take note kiddies, the church is no place to meet a woman anymore, just leftovers.
-People in church are unafraid to walk right up to you while your hugging you're Mom and ask if you're taken. "B*tch, I'm with my momma... and you're older than her. That's not cute." But of course I didn't say that, I smiled and talked about her later.
-My sister's lifelong friend Brianna was there, and I wondered what she had done to be punished. Still haven't figured it out yet.
-There was a girl a few rows up who had on Applebottom jeans. The sad part is that she was probably 15, and that wasn't enough to stop me from looking. "Must be the greens" is all I could think.
-Not even Barack Obama shakes hands faster than me when that service was done. From my seat to the car, on the far side of the parking lot, in about 3 minutes.
Spy Lounge Tonight, you know the time and let's have fun by the ton. Sorry, that was corny but I'm trying to keep my enthusiasm up for Monday otherwise the day will be incredibly long.
Just as the title implies, do not eat Chipotle right before you go to sleep on Sunday. Especially not if it's spicy. I had to jump in the shower and cool off. What a way to start a day.
Fact: When women accept a marriage proposal, they gain a lot of weight. It's disgusting and unfair. So, when I finally pop the question I'm gonna mohawk my pubes until she starts working out. Let the games begin...
I'm feeling anxious to go back to the Comedy Factory, it's been awhile and I here Vince Morris is cool. Jared is gonna play wing man. We tried this way back when Ned Devine's was still going on and he turned around as soon as I got the words "Hi Miss..." out of my mouth. But this does not mean he's a bad wing man, he just needs to be groomed. The fact that we're both in the shows is bound to help out right? Not that this is all about "Getting some strange", cause it's about the money too. Laughter... I meant to say laughter.
Please allow a second for a Harlem Shake attack...
....
Okay, I'm spent.
I'm gonna go, but I hope to see all you lovely people later tonight. Snootchie Boochies
Laters.
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