Sorry, I was trying to be a "great" worker bee yesterday, so I didn't blog. As you can tell, everything's back to normal now. Where were we...
Spy Lounge was fun Monday, though I gained new appreciation for Eli's demeanor. I tried not to be a d*ck, but it was hot. Open mics aren't really that important, it's our training/meeting ground, so please don't read too much into this. Not everyone can show up 20 minutes before a show ends and expect to get on. I generally try to get to places a half an hour early cause I hate getting bumped for a more popular comic that strolls in. It's gonna happen sometimes, nothing you can do about it, but I try to put myself in the best position possible. But, on the side of those comics, it's okay for "a booker" to tell a late popular comic "sorry". Most times they'll understand.... right?
Atif has a blog... http://www.atifmyers.blogspot.com/ see Atif I spelled your name right....b*tch
I'm interested to know how many of you are writing jokes down in their entirety. I used to, and then I'd basically act it out like a script. In a way I guess that seems easier to me, cause now I write the gist of the idea down in my phone and kinda improv.
Young women....sigh. For the first time ever I felt like I was living Aparna's routine. A young woman I just met asked me why I travel a certain direction, I answered "I do comedy" (the response of a shy unfunny man). She said "That's weird, you don't strike me as funny".... what do I say to that? But, she digs me so... apparently women really don't want a funny man. Take notes kids.
Today I had a FUZE drink, the flavor is Strawberry Guava.... it tastes like someone ate Strawberry yogurt and spit it up into a glass. Go to the factory that bottles this crud and prove me wrong. My face looked like the man pictured above while attempting to swallow this $#!t.
On Monday morning I saw a man having a truly bad day. He had a car worse than mine and the headlight was dangling out. I was right next to him as he cruised down 95 and watched biting my lip while he slammed into the brand spankin' new Acura TL in front of him. The Acura calmly pulled to the shoulder and so did he. The man driving the Acura TL(I think the car is beautiful so I won't shorten it's name) was a LARGE ANGRY BLACK MAN. He was a SMALL PACIFIC ISLANDER (check the box) looking man. All that I saw as I pulled way off into the distance was the black guy get out of his car shaking his fists. That pacific islander is truly having a bad day.
Nothing feels better than hearing your boss tell you that you're getting a raise because the company has assessed outside companies' pay. Money for nothing, even if it's just a few pennies... that's my free penny b*tch. Oh yeah, the only thing better is when someone makes you a sandwich after "relations". Can't beat that.
I'll end this with a story about Africans. My friend Cassaundra and I were talking yesterday about men wearing sandals. I do not know why white men have embraced sandals, but that's not cool. If you're black and wearing sandals you are either gay or African. If you just said "But, I'm not African or gay" then you're gay. You'd know if you were African by now, I hope. Sidenote : She thinks black men look particularly good in a white tux but not if they're African. I'm sure we all have the image of a jet black man who's smile matches the tux. It's just not a good look and distracts whoever is looking at the wedding photo from the rest of the wedding party. We discussed how confident Africans are with their feet even though they have the worst feet in the world. She went into a story of the lone African woman in our section. She told me she was in the bathroom and dropped her cell phone.... poo texting, it's common. When she reached down she couldn't help but notice the ASHIEST feet, heels and ankles she'd ever seen. She immediately knew that it was my co-worker. When she left the stall they spoke and sure enough it was her. Identified by ashiness. Damn.
Well, I'm out, I'll see you guys at Wiseacres if you'll be there.
Laters
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