Feel the sweet embrace of Satan's hoof!

Monday. Monday 6/2/08. Monday's make me sad. Traffic sucked something tenacious this morning. Where the f*ck did that come from? Don't people take three day weekends anymore? B*tches.

To the left is the now infamous picture of the alien that is peeping around in Colorado. Why is it hard for people to believe that we aren't they only things in the universe? Who says aliens can't look like Nerf balls? We keep putting them in movies to look like gray people.... then again, Jesus keeps getting painted as a white man. In Jerusalem? C'mon.

Played Grand Theft Auto IV for the first time in weeks yesterday. I was doing good for about an hour, then Kevin came home. Kevin's my roommate and friend. Kevin beat the game already, so when I asked him how far he was, I expected somewhere close to me.... I was wrong. Right after he told me he beat the game I stopped playing. But, I did spank that @ss in Virtua Tennis 3.





Maybe it's the greenery, but I've written so many jokes out this weekend I feel good. I even took the time to flesh out some of the premises that I had in my phone. If you went to my notes all you would see is the line "Wet nightmare".... what the f*ck is that supposed to mean?





When God and the Devil shook hands once, way back in the day, the sweat from their palms made an Icee. That is why their so delicious, and yes, that's why they last 1 minute before they evaporate.





Coldplay was on the MTV Movie Awards last night. That is all, just thought you'd want to know when awesome things happened.

When Jesus was 110 he cut down a mighty oak

He danced and he laughed and cracked open a brew and threw it down his throat

But the Jerusalites cried "Christ, take it easy you know you're a lush"

But Christ doesn't like counters, and really hates b*tchin' so he turned that town to mush

He grew like the Hulk and smashed down a church but stopped when he saw what he'd done

He weeped for a moment, what had he become, a monster... then he spotted a child

Bright eyed and Palestinian, the boy walked up close and stood there to hold out a thumb

Jesus pet his head and wiped the boys tears, "Is that smudge over there your parent's?"

But he already knew, and what could he do?

The boy was an orphan now, so Christ gave him a hug, a high-five, then SNAP...

To irresponsible to tend to a young child's needs, the sweet Lord shattered his spine in three

Thus, the tales of the Blood Christ ring forth, and with every Christmas

The Hunger Grows, more.... and more.

When is the last time you read so truly blasphemous $#!t? I bet it's been a while. Notice it's in red letters like the new testament. Relax though, God has a great sense of humor. We're boyz (notice the z), besides, he let me pay for Freddy Got Fingered....





Gotta go get some nourishment, but maybe I'll be back to blog later.... (Is he joking?)





Later