The most impressive magic trick I can think of would involve someone flipping a half-dollar using only their butt cheeks. Imagine the strain it would take, the veins....I was a huge fan of MADtv from the start so I'm really excited to be hosting for Bryan Callen in July at the Drafthouse. Yay!
That's an exploded Bicep everyone.... hehehe gross.
When Jermaine, Keith (he used to be a comedian, get it.... he stopped) and I went to New York in November, we had a question asked by a producer for NBC. She asked the 70+ people in the room who came the furthest, the winner got the first season of Heroes. I love Heroes, and came all the way from Virginny. A fat girl (ouch, you could have called her something else), says she's from Ohio. I don't care about actual miles, how is Ohio further than Virginia from Times Square?! The room took a vote and people voted for Ohio, WTF?! For some reason the frustration of losing that DVD set just came back to me minutes ago. F*ck Ohio, I passed through there on the way to Michigan and I gotta tell you "Welcome Travis, Bryson, Eli and anyone else that manages to escape". I should track down that fatty and get what's mine. How many fat girls can Ohio hide?
A black guy dating this Chinese girl on my floor attempts to look hard whenever he comes to see her.... someone should whisper in his ear "you smell of rice, and the sea". I know what you're thinking, it doesn't have to make sense. Cause I'm beautiful.
People that let their children get fat should be arrested and have the child taken away. Chances are that they're fattening up the kid to eat it anyway. Children are delicious, especially with a golden brown crust and gravy... or, so I've heard.
Doing someone else's work all morning sucks. Especially when it's way more of a work load then they normally do. Nathalie, I hate you.
My allergies were "off the chain" yesterday, so today I look like Swamp Thing. It's pretty gross, my eyes are swollen like bees just kept stinging me in the face. And, true story, every hot girl in the building seems to be crossing my path or stuck in an elevator with me.... on today of all days. Perhaps my metamorphosis will impress them when I return to normal.
Dear Hilary Clinton,
Your behavior is as offensive as what time has done to your face. You told the world that if you won the nomination you wouldn't run with Obama. Now, you expect to be treated with a kindness that you can't even muster?! You are a beastly woman and the death of freedom.
Sincerely,
William Clinton
I received that e-mail earlier. Wrong address.
Do not call Blaire Postman and ask if you are in the 2008 DC ComedyFest. I did that literally a few minutes ago and she was quite unpleasant. Apparently, I'm not the only person who's curious. I don't know why I hold out hope, deep down I know she won't pick me. It actually upset me a couple years back. In retrospect, I definitely wasn't ready, might not be now. But, I think that if you call something "Virginia Comedy Festival" you should live in Virginia. I understand that sometimes the world can't be perfect. But, if you don't live there then chances are you go by tape, or you ask someone. If someone asked about our scene, they're sure to hear a couple name (cause people d*ck ride, I guess) Tim Miller, Seaton, Poon ..... but what about the rest? Will Hessler's funny, just starting to get his due, but might get left out. Comedy clubs should be no different. If I ran an Improv (let's say DC, WINK) , I would get out to a couple open mics every once and a while. To see for myself what's going on, who's funny? I wouldn't want people brought to me, cause Tyler Richardson might bring Jermaine Fowler when Haywood is funny as hell. Get my point, but the world isn't perfect so I'm just bitchin'..... sigh. I'm still gonna cross my fingers on the DC ComedyFest, but seriously "Who the f*ck is Tyler Richardson?!"
I had a lot of lasagna last night, which is why I can't stay out of the toilet today. Yep, that's my Wednesday.
I still smell like gasoline. Short story; I was pumping my gas this morning and saw that my Corolla was about to go over the $45 to fill er up mark. Yanked that bad boy out of my gas tank and forgot that I set the thingy to fill up. So, gasoline just started pouring on leg. I smell like gasoline.
Everyone keeping score? I look like $#!t, I can't stop $#!tting, I smell like $#!t and Blaire Postman kinda yelled at me.... yet still I'm smiling. Joy is inside, it doesn't matter what happens outside. Now go out there and be somebody.
Laters
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