McMaybe I have a McProblem.... I'm McFlawed

Of course there is a story to go along with that McSubject line up there. I call it "The Legend of Ronald Donald". You see, young Ronald Donald was curious and had the world at his fingertips. But, he lusted, he lusted for cheese soaked patties in a sesame seed bun. Women complained that he always brought sweet n' sour sauce into the bedroom. Not because he was into experimenting sexually, but because he always kept McNuggets in the nightstand. He's rumored to be the only recorded orgasm while eating a Big Mac. He was just different. No one seemed to understand him. Eventually he found himself falling into a bad crowd, struggling to fit in. For the illusion of acceptance he was willing to snort cocaine and go on Meth binges. This lead to the war paint. How Ronald ended up in a yellow clown costume is simpler. On day he stumbled across children having a huge birthday party in Central Park. They had more McDonald's in this party than Ronald imagined in Heaven. He had to act fast, so he spent his last $200 on a clown suit to entertain the children with. When he showed up at the children's party, the father pretended like he paid for a clown to entertain. He wife seemed happy, so did the children, why would he kill all the fun with the questions? Ronald introduced himself "Hello all you beautiful boys and girls. I see we're having a McDonald's party.... I mean birthday party. I'm Ronald... uh.... McDonald, we are gonna have all kinds of fun today but before we start things off I just need 10 chicken McNuggets to start the balloon animals." The children had a great time, until things got ugly. A child dropped several fries and immediately wrote them off as bad. Ronald didn't see it that way and demanded the child pick the fries up, screaming "Those are still good, you stupid kid!" Needless to say, the father didn't appreciate that type of talk directed at his child. Plus, his wife and friends were there so he couldn't b*tch out. An altercation began and the more people joined in, the angry it made Ronald. People walking by only saw a mob attacking a clown while he screamed for blood. Oddly enough, Ronald continued to eat while in the midst of the battle. His famous last words before taking out his Beretta were "You m*thaf*ckas done did it now, tell me how the fries taste in HELL!!" Ronald was charged with Homicide, but due to obscurity of the clown suit, he was able to work out a deal with the Prosecuting attorney. A lifetime of service to McDonald's by day, back in prison by night. He entertains the children and gets more than his fill of McDonald's delicious food. But, at night, when Ronald McDonald takes off his make up and retires to San Quinton penitentiary, he's just plain ol' Ronald Donald. His screams can be heard filling the air, cause there's always some prisoner that wants to have sex with Ronald McDonald. Always.

I'm 25 today.... doesn't really feel like something to celebrate. It's kind of depressing, but to ease the pain of old age the G-Lord (you may know him formally as God) gives a break on insurance rates. Good lookin' out G-Lord, you da homey.

Let me start today by clarifying a little story while admitting to wrong on Saturday. Since apparently people have nothing better to talk about than my drinking let me set the record straight for all the frequenters of Wiseacres who heard a lie. I did not bring an outside beer into Wiseacres a couple of weeks ago. I threw away two cans that were in the car. Why two empty beer cans were in my car is no one's concern, but Travis and I were looking for a trash can to throw them in before we got inside the club. No luck, or maybe I'm just blind. So, I threw them in a can inside. Brian McClure saw this and felt the need to tell me "Don't ever come in here with an outside beer again without drinking here" that's an exact quote. To which I quickly replied "I was just throwing away some cans, don't worry I'm an alcoholic, I'll be drinking" and I thought that was that. I guess not though, he said something similar to Travis shortly after that. I thought that was it. When people are bored they talk. I can only assume that's why it was brought up to Diesel and I honestly have no idea why it would need to be discussed unless somewhere information was lost. I'll chalk that up to miscommunication though, not a big deal. But, it was thrown in my face on Saturday and I thought I'd clear that up before anyone else mentioned it to me (I've heard that story a few times, it was always wrong). Now to Saturday...

I can't really sugar coat Saturday, cause I did exactly what I'd spent a week telling people
I didn't do at Wiseacres. Randolph yelled a lot, I think I had a pretty good set though. And no, I wasn't drunk, I'm just a man damnit. I'm make mistakes, I need to bite the head off a bat or something cause I hate the fact the people seem to associate Tyler and drinking. Associate Tyler and moderately funny, it's my birthday.

This is the first year I've actually been surprised by women remembering my birthday. Thanks Erin, you're the only one that reads this so you get all the thank you's today.