Where has Brian McKnight been?-One last cry
-Anytime
-Back at One
-Whatever other songs were considered hits...
In the 90's you couldn't unbutton a woman's trousers without a little help from Mr. McKnight, now he leaves us to struggle and use "Game" all on our own. What could possible be more important than answering God's call and staying "simply sexual" in your music making? While some speculate that Brian is simply frustrated by his last two albums flopping horribly on the Billboard charts, some have a different take.
Gary Collins is a local man in Jackedrightoff, MN and former fan of Brian McKnight. Apparently, the streets of Jackedrightoff (last time I'm writing that name out) are no longer safe for children to play on. When the lights go down in the city (sweet song by Journey), the people who aren't smart enough to have been inside are nothing more than prey for an enemy that is unforgiving, merciless, lustful and one of the best R&B singers of the 20th century. Originally, it was thought to be an angry black werewolf, bitten while vacationing from Compton. But, the townspeople's attempts to distract with Fried Chicken skin didn't work. It took someone throwing a CD at the monster in a final struggle to get away that made the monster shriek "N*gga are you crazy?! That's some good $#!t. I won a f*ckin' Grammy for that!". His secret was out. Brian McKnight had become a monster, the worst kind too.... a black one.
Not everyday is terrible, sometimes everyone gets lonely. A group of teens can recall playing Smear the queer with Mr. McKnight, "He was taking it a little too seriously, but the game was fun" - Johnny Turpentine
What does Mrs. McKnight think of her husbands escapades? "Brian has been tearing people's hearts out since he was first able to sing. I wasn't the slightest bit surprised to find out that Brian had an unquenchable blood-lust. He's happiest when surrounded by the screams and shrieks of small children. (laughing) Brian always tells me that one day I'm going develop a taste for it, then he'll have to kill me, cause he hates competition. Especially Boyz II Men... sigh. But, I don't eat people though, just d*ck." - Mrs. McKnight
While Brian couldn't be reached for further comment or questions his publicist (interestingly enough, Mr. McKnight does still have people on the payroll) had this to say "Mr. McKnight would like to remind people of a little book that we've all heard of A Modest Proposal. Mr. McKnight would like to remind everyone that in earlier periods of civilization he would be hoisted on shoulders for helping even this overpopulation. Pictures that have surfaced recently online, some depicting Brian holding a severed child's head while singing Anytime, are no one's business and he would like some privacy. While he will neither confirm nor directly deny any allegations of baby tasting, Mr. McKnight will say that never have you felt taller than when you've bent down grab a child...cough... as a snack. Also, Brian McKnight is in talks with 50 Cent to collaborate on a new McKnight album. Brian is very excited about this new opportunity, and would to send out a heartfelt G-G-G-G- G Unit! Thank you and look for A Black Ass McKnight coming in stores on June 30th".
Be safe, you never know what corner Brian McKnight lurks behind....
Just in case someone liked that blog, I give you "The Secret Life of Rick Moranis"
P.S. - I'll be at the Baltimore Comedy Factory with Jared Stern and Vince Morris from June 26-29th.
Laters
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