Sorry for the absence, I’ve been pretty beat the f*ck down by allergies for the past couple of days. The bonus to that whole thing is that I’m definitely not squeamish, cause I’ve seen more blood come out of my nose than a crime scene. I hope everyone is well, especially my bestest homie… the Wolf.
How do you start a terrible day? Well…
First you get some DAMN good sleep cause you went to be extremely early on Tuesday night. You grab a soda that you forgot about the night before from KFC, it’s gonna be flat but it’s better than when you were 22 drinking a beer to work everyday (that’s sadly true). The beer is flat but gives you something to do. Traffic isn’t bad, until you recognize a fatty (girl who was skinny when she rejected you but apparently made a new snack her favorite food) and try your best to get away from her while on the road. You do; only to find that a cop pulled someone over in the far right lane where there is no shoulder. Early in the morning, traffic sucks as it is, and this douche’ pulls someone over and blocks ONE of the THREE lanes we have to travel in. Unless he’s a TimeCop and found out that guy in a F-150 was committing some type of time crime… “Let it go!” So, right before your exit you see Paramedics coming in your lane. You can still make it to work, probably even if you pulled over for a second. Do you? Of course not, neither does anyone else. Instead it’s a race to your exit and then no one gets out of his way once off 495, hopefully whoever was in danger lived for the remaining 2 minute drive to Fairfax iNova Hospital… but I had to get to work. I laughed at the fact that the Paramedics had to go the wrong way down a road since no one moved. As you get on down the road, HOT women are everywhere. That’s the usual, but it never gets too old to mention. As you almost run a red light, right behind a cop mind you, a school bus is stopped about 100 ft. up the street. Before you get too close you see a kid running to the bus with his Dad yelling behind him, I really wanted the bus to leave him even though they saw him running. But what do your eyes catch way back in the forest? A little girl who’s got a backpack in her hand standing on a deck. You begin to pray, but then the father turned around and said something in the direction of the girl. While the line of cars behind the school bus pile back to the intersection, I watch the father put his son on the bus and go BACK for the girl. Countdown is about 5 minutes to get to work, I’m only a couple minutes away. The girl does not run, she doesn’t even jog, she walked as slow as possible behind her father crying and wiping tears from her face. While a female might look at this with some amount of pity (“aww”) I was enraged. It took everything I had to keep my window up and not give the father and Scrappy Doo a good piece of my almost-late-to-work mind. The father clearly knew how pissed all of the people stuck behind the bus were, I’m pretty sure I sat there for about 4 minutes. Finally the bus moves onward with the journey to hell. When I turn down the street I work on, there is another school bus… no crying little girls but it did make about 3 stops that further twisted the knife of anger into my @ss. While jamming to Lil Wayne (Tha Carter II, classic), you make a startling discovery…. I COMPLETELY FORGOT MY CHAPSTICK WHILE GETTING MY FLAT SODA!!!! Now I’m working upstairs while holding a Kleenex to my face. This is my Wednesday.
I’m trying not to go buy more Chapstick since I have about 3 or 4 tubes at home. I doubt I’ll hold off, but I’d like to think I will.
Sean, I saw Fringe last night based on your comment and love proclamation in your blog. I was impressed and it couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes in Nelson said “I’m hooked”. Who are you voting for? Not that you can sway me from Obama, but perhaps you have some interesting point that will help me turn the white votes I see on a daily basis.
I had a dream last night that I can only describe as Tron with water. The only thing that upset me was that somehow during the climactic battle, I woke up. The time was around 4 A.M.
If you haven’t searched YouTube for recent Jake “The Snake” Roberts footage, do. Don’t cheat yourself out of a GREAT laugh. Crack and Alcohol at it’s best.
For the second Saturday night in a row I drove to (what used to be called) The Laughing Lizard… Son of a B*tch. The security guard laughed and said something about “No show tonight…” I was immediately pissed for wasting my time and gas, then he hits me with “Got a great band going on tonight…” All I could say was “$#!T” as I reached for my phone so they wouldn’t talk to me again. $#!T!
I find pleasure in other people’s pain, any friend of mine knows it and I would hope if you’re reading this you would know it too. My friend Mike laid a story on me yesterday that I wish I had been there for. Let me take you back…
He had a college course that centered around sexuality, can’t remember the name though. It was early and there was no other class going on in the building when his class was in session. Enough build up then, so the first day of class the professor says “Everyone, whatever is said in this class stays in this class, feel free to open up…” Almost immediately, a girl decides to share. She explained that when she is on her period she bleeds so much she becomes anemic (which is pretty gross). But she doesn’t stop there, she goes on to talk about a lot of her family problems and even that her brother was born a HERMAPHRODITE. It was right after that got dropped that Mike decided to excuse himself to the hallway. He laughed HARD, and Mike has a laugh that’s a mixture of a hyena and Elliott in the Morning. After getting it all out of his system and taking a minute to make sure he could come back in the room with a straight face Mike re-entered the room. His exact words were: “Everyone could here me. They told me as soon as I walked in the door that they heard me laughing. What do you say to that? I just sat down cause I didn’t really care. Most people in the class got over it soon after, but that girl never spoke to me. (Was she attractive?) Nah, which means I really don’t care. Even if she was attractive, hearing that she bleeds like that completely cancels that…” If only I’d been there. Kind of reminds me of our Sociology 102 class where I gave a presentation on “Male Rape” and broke into laughter several times during slides of some very serious rape facts. And older woman just whispered “finish your presentation honey” as I stood there holding my face. I had two of my closest friends in the back of the room, Mike and Bernie, never take a very serious class with your best friends. Too tempting…
If I tell you that the bathroom’s new toilet paper is great cause there’s no way your finger will go through it while wiping, and you nod your head yes; who’s is grosser? Me, for pointing out that I’ve touched my $#!T on a regular basis, or you for agreeing that it’s a common problem that happens with you too? Discuss.
Rock Band 2 is well worth the… EVERYTHING!!!! And as usual, if you feel like you wanna throw down: Devo2021 (that’s my Gamertag), somebody scrot up! Gotta have an XBOX360 though.
I’m out, Laters…
How do you start a terrible day? Well…
First you get some DAMN good sleep cause you went to be extremely early on Tuesday night. You grab a soda that you forgot about the night before from KFC, it’s gonna be flat but it’s better than when you were 22 drinking a beer to work everyday (that’s sadly true). The beer is flat but gives you something to do. Traffic isn’t bad, until you recognize a fatty (girl who was skinny when she rejected you but apparently made a new snack her favorite food) and try your best to get away from her while on the road. You do; only to find that a cop pulled someone over in the far right lane where there is no shoulder. Early in the morning, traffic sucks as it is, and this douche’ pulls someone over and blocks ONE of the THREE lanes we have to travel in. Unless he’s a TimeCop and found out that guy in a F-150 was committing some type of time crime… “Let it go!” So, right before your exit you see Paramedics coming in your lane. You can still make it to work, probably even if you pulled over for a second. Do you? Of course not, neither does anyone else. Instead it’s a race to your exit and then no one gets out of his way once off 495, hopefully whoever was in danger lived for the remaining 2 minute drive to Fairfax iNova Hospital… but I had to get to work. I laughed at the fact that the Paramedics had to go the wrong way down a road since no one moved. As you get on down the road, HOT women are everywhere. That’s the usual, but it never gets too old to mention. As you almost run a red light, right behind a cop mind you, a school bus is stopped about 100 ft. up the street. Before you get too close you see a kid running to the bus with his Dad yelling behind him, I really wanted the bus to leave him even though they saw him running. But what do your eyes catch way back in the forest? A little girl who’s got a backpack in her hand standing on a deck. You begin to pray, but then the father turned around and said something in the direction of the girl. While the line of cars behind the school bus pile back to the intersection, I watch the father put his son on the bus and go BACK for the girl. Countdown is about 5 minutes to get to work, I’m only a couple minutes away. The girl does not run, she doesn’t even jog, she walked as slow as possible behind her father crying and wiping tears from her face. While a female might look at this with some amount of pity (“aww”) I was enraged. It took everything I had to keep my window up and not give the father and Scrappy Doo a good piece of my almost-late-to-work mind. The father clearly knew how pissed all of the people stuck behind the bus were, I’m pretty sure I sat there for about 4 minutes. Finally the bus moves onward with the journey to hell. When I turn down the street I work on, there is another school bus… no crying little girls but it did make about 3 stops that further twisted the knife of anger into my @ss. While jamming to Lil Wayne (Tha Carter II, classic), you make a startling discovery…. I COMPLETELY FORGOT MY CHAPSTICK WHILE GETTING MY FLAT SODA!!!! Now I’m working upstairs while holding a Kleenex to my face. This is my Wednesday.
I’m trying not to go buy more Chapstick since I have about 3 or 4 tubes at home. I doubt I’ll hold off, but I’d like to think I will.
Sean, I saw Fringe last night based on your comment and love proclamation in your blog. I was impressed and it couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes in Nelson said “I’m hooked”. Who are you voting for? Not that you can sway me from Obama, but perhaps you have some interesting point that will help me turn the white votes I see on a daily basis.
I had a dream last night that I can only describe as Tron with water. The only thing that upset me was that somehow during the climactic battle, I woke up. The time was around 4 A.M.
If you haven’t searched YouTube for recent Jake “The Snake” Roberts footage, do. Don’t cheat yourself out of a GREAT laugh. Crack and Alcohol at it’s best.
For the second Saturday night in a row I drove to (what used to be called) The Laughing Lizard… Son of a B*tch. The security guard laughed and said something about “No show tonight…” I was immediately pissed for wasting my time and gas, then he hits me with “Got a great band going on tonight…” All I could say was “$#!T” as I reached for my phone so they wouldn’t talk to me again. $#!T!
I find pleasure in other people’s pain, any friend of mine knows it and I would hope if you’re reading this you would know it too. My friend Mike laid a story on me yesterday that I wish I had been there for. Let me take you back…
He had a college course that centered around sexuality, can’t remember the name though. It was early and there was no other class going on in the building when his class was in session. Enough build up then, so the first day of class the professor says “Everyone, whatever is said in this class stays in this class, feel free to open up…” Almost immediately, a girl decides to share. She explained that when she is on her period she bleeds so much she becomes anemic (which is pretty gross). But she doesn’t stop there, she goes on to talk about a lot of her family problems and even that her brother was born a HERMAPHRODITE. It was right after that got dropped that Mike decided to excuse himself to the hallway. He laughed HARD, and Mike has a laugh that’s a mixture of a hyena and Elliott in the Morning. After getting it all out of his system and taking a minute to make sure he could come back in the room with a straight face Mike re-entered the room. His exact words were: “Everyone could here me. They told me as soon as I walked in the door that they heard me laughing. What do you say to that? I just sat down cause I didn’t really care. Most people in the class got over it soon after, but that girl never spoke to me. (Was she attractive?) Nah, which means I really don’t care. Even if she was attractive, hearing that she bleeds like that completely cancels that…” If only I’d been there. Kind of reminds me of our Sociology 102 class where I gave a presentation on “Male Rape” and broke into laughter several times during slides of some very serious rape facts. And older woman just whispered “finish your presentation honey” as I stood there holding my face. I had two of my closest friends in the back of the room, Mike and Bernie, never take a very serious class with your best friends. Too tempting…
If I tell you that the bathroom’s new toilet paper is great cause there’s no way your finger will go through it while wiping, and you nod your head yes; who’s is grosser? Me, for pointing out that I’ve touched my $#!T on a regular basis, or you for agreeing that it’s a common problem that happens with you too? Discuss.
Rock Band 2 is well worth the… EVERYTHING!!!! And as usual, if you feel like you wanna throw down: Devo2021 (that’s my Gamertag), somebody scrot up! Gotta have an XBOX360 though.
I’m out, Laters…
2 comments:
First off, you're grosser. I could be just nodding in polite assent while secretly wishing you would stop saying gross things. (But you and I both know it's not true. . .you just get the "grosser" label because it's the downside of courage. A gross badge of courage, if you will. . .do you suppose it would be brown?)
And secondly, the aforementioned anemic sister of a hermaphrodite had no right to be angry at your friend. So he laughed really, really hard. . .at least he excused himself and went outside to do so. What more could she expect? Politely nodded assent? Nope, sorry, my brothers are definitely just males. . .anyone else?
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My cell-piece.
Four things that could save you the time and money it takes to find out there's no comedy happening at the fmr Lizard!
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