Is it Colombus Day yet?

Saturday:
Random group of douche bags comics make fun of Tyler for “being drunk” (in reality I wasn’t I was just in a good mood). What happens next?
a) a b*tch slap that shuts everyone up is tossed out to whoever laughed first.
b) Tyler unzips his pants while the jackals laugh at their lame jokes and pisses towards peoples feet… what? It’s a sign of disrespect. They hurt my feelings.
c) Pecker slaps Eli and tells Becca-Lou “you’re better than that”
Or
d) Does nothing and plays through all these scenarios in his mind

If you said D you were correct, I just wish that I’d done B or C. I don’t need to say their names cause “that would be small of me”…. ;)

I was not at Spy Lounge last night even though I had every intention on going until Saturday night. Why not recap exactly why I didn’t make it, or as I like to call it “The Longest Saturday Night I Can Remember”!

When I left O’(fill the rest-o-that name in here) on Saturday I went straight to my lover’s house, Wendy’s. I got loads of food cause I was happy and had plenty of _____ in stock. As I get within about 10 minutes of getting home I drifted a bit. I didn’t hit the concrete barrier that was next to me but apparently something very jagged was right next to the wall. I hear “POW!” and then the wheel flaps and pulls to let me know its blown. I roll my eyes because I forgot my cell phone at home. I kept grabbing for it prior to any trouble and thought “Oh great, I hope nothing happens” but who ever really expects something to happen? I pull over and realize that there is nothing within a short walk. So I decide that I’m going to attempt to get to the left exit across from me on 95 and walk somewhere from there. There were cars flying down 95 while I attempt to cross the road like Frogger, but in a car. I eventually get there. Time to walkies…

I still have the slightest of a buzz going on, and we’re walking. Next thing you know I’m walking up some hill and heading towards bright lights and thumping music. This is not the dinner theater restaurant I thought I was heading to. Luckily a man was nice enough to let me use his cell phone rather than make me use the company phone. Trouble was, the music was BUMPIN! And I didn’t want to walk out of his sight (quite simply, a, BIG, DUDE) and get the ever loving sweet crap kicked out of me. So my insurance company and I struggle to hear each other and get things straight for about 20 minutes. “Have fun calling Japan?” That was his response when I eventually got his phone back to him. I had 40 minutes to get to my car and wait for the tow truck driver. So far, the night had not completely pissed me off.

While walking down a hill that didn’t seem so familiar to me (my buzz was now gone) I began to question which way I came from. I went down a hill that was steep, luckily paved, and it took me about 3 minutes to run down it. Here comes the tiring part: I ran down, looked left. Second guessed myself, ran back up. Turned around, ran down, looked right and shook my head. Ran back up and started walking back into the bar. I had no watch and started to feel like I was going to miss the tow truck. It’s about 1 something in the AM. Once I felt like I’d wasted all that time, I gave up and just wanted to get to my car and sleep. I run down the hill and turn left. After walking left for awhile, I didn’t think it was the right was so I turned back to try the right. I got back to the bottom of that hill where you have to decide, and changed my mind again. This time I was going to walk left until I hit something familiar. By this point I’m drenched in sweat and can’t breath cause I never run, but that night I ran my @ss off. I walk left for about 2 miles. When I was buzzed that walk felt like 10 steps, but coming back I understood that I used time travel to get to that bar but now I’d have to use my legs.

Back in the car I slept for a little while then woke up to knocking on the window. The flashing blue lights let me know that it was not the tow truck. The State Police Officer (smoking hot woman) wanted to know what I was doing, aside from sleeping. I explained how I found out that I didn’t have a spare when the tire went and on all nights I left my cell phone at home that night. I told her I was waiting for the tow truck and she told me she saw a tow truck checking out some car way back. She leaves to go find him. About an hour later she showed up follow by the tow truck driver.

He looked like Lil Wayne with a Freeway (he was a rapper for those that don’t know) beard. And scary, did I mention he was scary too. He made the most dead pan jokes and never really laughed at them to acknowledge they were indeed jokes. He would be my worst nightmare in a prison cell. I’m too “smiley” for prison. Plus I hate the taste of cockmeat sandwiches, don’t ask me how I know. I just know. He took me home after we dropped out off the car and he took me home. I picked my car up this morning… someone very short was driving.

I’m watching Harold & Kumar 2 on the iPod right now… life is good.

For those that are unaware, http://www.imdb.com/ now has free television shows and movies. I forgot my iPod yesterday and that saved me from suicide. That, and http://www.pandora.com/

Yesterday’s Quote of the Day: “I could never commit suicide, no matter how much money I lost in the stock. I would turn to a life of crime before I’d commit suicide” – Kevin, I completely agreed with him

I watched Kimbo Slice on EliteXC yesterday, but it was nothing compared to seeing him fight terrified BIG ASS MEN in the streets on YouTube. Sometimes you have to shot people before they get too strong. I'm definitely in favor of grabbing an elephant gun and laying that big black man down. My momma is out there...

Boobs… I typed that out of love.

Laters