A Case of the Mun-days...

I hate the way Coke makes my teeth feel like I have sugar coated on them. You know, perhaps I should say Coca-Cola, cause that could definitely be taken the wrong way. I don’t do drugs… just ____ (I can’t incriminate myself at work, c’mon).

I spoke with Eli and maybe I’m the last to know that no one should hit on Becca ever again. Let’s recap the conversation at its most interesting:
Eli: Hello Tyler, I wanted to talk about some of the e-mails I’ve seen coming from you to Becca…
Tyler: Eli, that’s not how we say hello. What are you wearing?
Eli: Now is definitely not the time for that!
Tyler: If the robots attacked tomorrow I’d die without a decent image to stroke to, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!
Eli: (sigh) a brown paper bag over the junk with a string around the back. Now can we talk?
Tyler: Proceed…
Eli: Stop sending Becca the nudes of you walking around your home doing chores. It’s gross man and she’s spoken for.
Tyler: You’ve seen those?
Eli: Yeah, moving a rug with nothing but sandals on… gross, it haunts me. Who is taking these pictures? Nelson?
Tyler: Eli, I can’t believe that Becca betrayed my trust like that. It doesn’t matter who took the pictures, they were for her eyes and she ruined the sentiment…
Eli: Look I don’t want this to get any weirder so we’re done with the nude chore pictures right?
Tyler: Scorpion Woman! Yeah, yeah we’re done. So now that she’s spoken for maybe you can answer a question for me…
Eli: What dude?
Tyler: Did she keep the baby? God I hope she believes in abortion (fingers crossed), I mean I’m not really sure that we did it though. I had this really lucid dream thing and I swear I don’t remember putting on a condom and oh God, I’ve got a bit of a drinking problem. What’s my mother gonna say? She thinks I’m gay and now…
Eli: I think that was a dream man.
Tyler: Oh… cool then. Hey Eli…
Eli: Yes T-Rich (cause that’s how Eli says it)…
Tyler: How’d that one picture look where I was baking a casserole and turned around like I forgot I was naked? Money right?
Eli: Umm, God. Uh, yeah man, totally money. I’m not lying either.
Tyler: Can’t wait to see you Friday at Homegrown Comedy. It’s at the DC Improv right? Tickets still $10? Let me make sure I have the line-up right: Tyler S. (you teased me last Saturday, Black Son-of-a-B*tch. I loved you once), Will-the freak master-Hessler, Adrian, Nora, Jake Young, you and I? Right? Hampton’s hosting too isn’t he? Gonna be fun!

I ate so much Gumbo last night I drove to work with the fear of a flood. A pants flood… but God that Gumbo was off the chain. How do you do it Granny, how do you do it?

Yesterday I woke up really early and began a movie festival that would surely dry up a woman, so I guess I’m lucky I have no love in my life. Here is the list: The Man who Wasn’t There (B+), The Seeker: The Dark is Rising (A) and porn (A+ cause it featured Brazilians with greased up really big behinds. That’s right, I’m an ass freak)

To elaborate on that last “ass freak” line, I don’t like anal or watching someone do that. Seems gay to me, cause everyone has one and if you’re into that I’ve always seen that as being one tough decision away from crossing sides. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

Yesterday my mother called me, before noon no less, and wanted me to come help sign up people to register to vote and lure them towards Barack Obama. I met that request with a hardy “NO”. Love the woman, but I’m not gonna go door to door selling democracy. Anyone that plans on voting in VA knows that today is the deadline and let’s hope more republicans decide to sit in. It does disgust me to no end that so many woman are siding with Palin just because she’s a woman. She is hot, no question, but were you listening to what she said and more importantly DID NOT SAY at that debate?! LORD. I wish I was a resident of MD or some other state that isn’t full of retired old white men and women. VA always gives its electoral votes to the republican candidate, but I’ll still get out there and vote. I’m not gonna shower for three days, that way I put all those McCain voters (and by accidental proximity Obama voters) in a horrible voting line. It’s the little victories…

I was an hour late to work today, traffic was a big smelly fat woman that hugs you for way too long. I saw not one dead body nor did I see an accident that would bring that along. Terrorists, I understand.

Not really, I just hate traffic. And freedom.

Praise be to the wolf.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall was terrible. I will say that I only stayed awake for about 40 minutes of it, Nelson tried telling me that it got better later on. Unless the movie is a 4 hour epic, I think it disqualified itself as good. If the last 40 minutes of a movie a little less than two hours are okay, “It Stinks!”. That quote was provided by Jay Sherman (The Critic, which is available on DVD and iTunes). To be honest I’m not sure it’s available on iTunes, but that show always makes me fart… from laughter.

I saw a stunningly beautiful woman trip today while getting my breakfast. Thanks God, if I can’t have her beautiful let’s make her land on her face next time and I’ll getting while she deals with reconstructive surgery. Lowered Expectations…

Why is it that I always get more compliments from woman at work when I feel I’m “slummin’ it”? Could it be that I’m not as attractive as I know I am? Oh… My… God…

When I’m getting out I never write jokes, when I’m not they flow like water… but how do you know if these new thoughts are funny then? Hmmm…. Sorcery.

The time is 12:59 and I’ve finished all my work for the day, now for EuroTrip, what? It never gets old to me.

Laters