Last night I had a nightmare that about a woman that I have only spoken to once. This is the definition of a single, lonely man. Oh, but I did have Steak’Ums… and more Gumbo.
I wore new cologne today and I keep catching whiffs of myself. I’m beautiful…ah. Oh no, erocktion. (that last word was a mixture of two great things erection + rock)
Macaulay Culkin is the man, why? Cause he was smart enough to snatch up Mila Kunis years ago and never let go. Congrateys, now that I finally finish Forgetting Sarah Marshall (not f*cking bad) I can appreciate that she is damn near perfect.
Why do erocktions smell like almonds?
My stomach feels funny, I can’t help but replay footage from this morning where I picked up these two sausages that I questioned the moment I laid eyes on them. Mistake.
What is a grammatical error, if not the only weapon that we have against the terrible Wizard of eloquence. We have to keep him at bay.
I could swear I smell feet right now. God, I hope they aren’t mine. Then again, if they were someone else’s feet how bad would they stink to catch me over here. But all the women around me don’t have shoe-zens on. (Why the f*ck do they do that, I hate FEET) Could this be the terrible inbred offspring of all the odors not wearing a condom? Iraqi, Black- Puerto Rican, African and good ol’ fashioned Black… gross.
How funny would it be to stone a man to death? Seriously.
Yesterday I went to the bathroom, Gumbo got me, and it was packed like someone made a Glory Hole. I had to seem like a man-child cause I went to a stall and closed the door. I didn’t like how close the two guys feet were to the middle stall I was in so I spun around and dipped. I have issues, I know this but can only watch as I do the things I do.
Condoms for Halloween have been done, yes. Pennies, soda, porn and even candy. Which is why I’m considering BVD underwear. Once I hand out about 12, I’m done. I ain’t spending the kind of money it would take for two 12 packs on those bastards. I’m nobody’s daddy!
My Lil Wayne fetish has caused me to download about 50 songs this weekend that weren’t on a CD. It’s pretty gay, but the music is slamming. Sigh…
My friend Cassaundra sneezed all over a bunch of papers on her desk while talking to me. The sneeze sounded like it was chunky, and angry. She WIPED the papers off and I said jokingly “You aren’t going to hand those papers to anyone are you?” She said “Yeah, you…” then she handed me a form that was necessary for me to look at… UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
Britney Spears…. Vagina…. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… Firecrackers…Pubic Hair
Had you asked me how much all of these things kicked ass at one point in my life I would have told you “Enough ass that we couldn’t carry it all back in the house”. Nowadays I’m tempted to reply back a list of better things:
Beyonce….Conversation worth having… A Slave or indentured servant… Mary Jane… Cologne
I don’t know how he did it but I actually found myself liking Kanye West’s song Love Lockdown… sigh. If anyone saw the VH1 hip hop honors it was AWESOME, finally someone paid homage to SLICK RICK tha ruler!!!! And he performed Children’s Story, does it get any better? (No, shh, no)
This morning a blind man waited on a curb tapping his cane before, I’m guessing, he tried crossing the street. This was during the busiest time of the morning and he was not at a crosswalk. I wanted to stop the car and help out, which is weird cause I’m a terrible person deep down inside, but I had to get to work. That’s all, it just gave me a second to think of how hard someone else’s life is on a day to day basis. Sometimes we take things for granted until we see someone else that has it so much harder than ours. Just look at the Do Do Bird, they’re all dead people… they’re all dead.
I hate the women who walked for Breast cancer on Friday, I sat in traffic an additional hour cause of them. Yep, I really don’t care and friend and I had a debate about Breast cancer awareness. I think we’re pretty aware, this is not 91’ and most people are aware and also aware that there is A LOT of funding for Breast cancer (notice I capitalize the “B” in breast out of respect). I honestly don’t know how many people die from it (don’t get all pissy if you’re friend’s mom died from it, I don’t even know her… sheessh) but it can’t be killing of as many women as it once did, in the 90’s. I’m not even sure they’re still chopping of women’s breasts for that anymore, except for Sheryl Crowe, I heard it looked pretty gross. Let’s get people aware of something they don’t know about like the Scabies. Keep the pink ribbons, they’re yours…
Poop. That’s funny to me.
New slogan of the day: Seagram’s Ginger Ale “Cause you accidentally kissed that hooker last night”
Huh? You didn’t like that slogan?! I put a lot of work on that. C’mon… f*ck it.
I’m gonna get some work done, enjoy yourself. Drafthouse- Thursday, Improv- Friday, Diversity- Sunday, Rule the world with the help of THE WOLF- Tuesday…
Laters
I wore new cologne today and I keep catching whiffs of myself. I’m beautiful…ah. Oh no, erocktion. (that last word was a mixture of two great things erection + rock)
Macaulay Culkin is the man, why? Cause he was smart enough to snatch up Mila Kunis years ago and never let go. Congrateys, now that I finally finish Forgetting Sarah Marshall (not f*cking bad) I can appreciate that she is damn near perfect.
Why do erocktions smell like almonds?
My stomach feels funny, I can’t help but replay footage from this morning where I picked up these two sausages that I questioned the moment I laid eyes on them. Mistake.
What is a grammatical error, if not the only weapon that we have against the terrible Wizard of eloquence. We have to keep him at bay.
I could swear I smell feet right now. God, I hope they aren’t mine. Then again, if they were someone else’s feet how bad would they stink to catch me over here. But all the women around me don’t have shoe-zens on. (Why the f*ck do they do that, I hate FEET) Could this be the terrible inbred offspring of all the odors not wearing a condom? Iraqi, Black- Puerto Rican, African and good ol’ fashioned Black… gross.
How funny would it be to stone a man to death? Seriously.
Yesterday I went to the bathroom, Gumbo got me, and it was packed like someone made a Glory Hole. I had to seem like a man-child cause I went to a stall and closed the door. I didn’t like how close the two guys feet were to the middle stall I was in so I spun around and dipped. I have issues, I know this but can only watch as I do the things I do.
Condoms for Halloween have been done, yes. Pennies, soda, porn and even candy. Which is why I’m considering BVD underwear. Once I hand out about 12, I’m done. I ain’t spending the kind of money it would take for two 12 packs on those bastards. I’m nobody’s daddy!
My Lil Wayne fetish has caused me to download about 50 songs this weekend that weren’t on a CD. It’s pretty gay, but the music is slamming. Sigh…
My friend Cassaundra sneezed all over a bunch of papers on her desk while talking to me. The sneeze sounded like it was chunky, and angry. She WIPED the papers off and I said jokingly “You aren’t going to hand those papers to anyone are you?” She said “Yeah, you…” then she handed me a form that was necessary for me to look at… UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
Britney Spears…. Vagina…. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… Firecrackers…Pubic Hair
Had you asked me how much all of these things kicked ass at one point in my life I would have told you “Enough ass that we couldn’t carry it all back in the house”. Nowadays I’m tempted to reply back a list of better things:
Beyonce….Conversation worth having… A Slave or indentured servant… Mary Jane… Cologne
I don’t know how he did it but I actually found myself liking Kanye West’s song Love Lockdown… sigh. If anyone saw the VH1 hip hop honors it was AWESOME, finally someone paid homage to SLICK RICK tha ruler!!!! And he performed Children’s Story, does it get any better? (No, shh, no)
This morning a blind man waited on a curb tapping his cane before, I’m guessing, he tried crossing the street. This was during the busiest time of the morning and he was not at a crosswalk. I wanted to stop the car and help out, which is weird cause I’m a terrible person deep down inside, but I had to get to work. That’s all, it just gave me a second to think of how hard someone else’s life is on a day to day basis. Sometimes we take things for granted until we see someone else that has it so much harder than ours. Just look at the Do Do Bird, they’re all dead people… they’re all dead.
I hate the women who walked for Breast cancer on Friday, I sat in traffic an additional hour cause of them. Yep, I really don’t care and friend and I had a debate about Breast cancer awareness. I think we’re pretty aware, this is not 91’ and most people are aware and also aware that there is A LOT of funding for Breast cancer (notice I capitalize the “B” in breast out of respect). I honestly don’t know how many people die from it (don’t get all pissy if you’re friend’s mom died from it, I don’t even know her… sheessh) but it can’t be killing of as many women as it once did, in the 90’s. I’m not even sure they’re still chopping of women’s breasts for that anymore, except for Sheryl Crowe, I heard it looked pretty gross. Let’s get people aware of something they don’t know about like the Scabies. Keep the pink ribbons, they’re yours…
Poop. That’s funny to me.
New slogan of the day: Seagram’s Ginger Ale “Cause you accidentally kissed that hooker last night”
Huh? You didn’t like that slogan?! I put a lot of work on that. C’mon… f*ck it.
I’m gonna get some work done, enjoy yourself. Drafthouse- Thursday, Improv- Friday, Diversity- Sunday, Rule the world with the help of THE WOLF- Tuesday…
Laters
1 comment:
The only problem with Mila Kunis is that she starred in American Psycho II: All American Girl. William Shatner is in it too.
I'll save you the time and tell you now it was a terrible movie.
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