Yesterday was the first time in years I have thrown up from drinking. I did get some damn good sleep right afterwards. Praise be to the wolf.
A man in the gym was very kind to me on Saturday. He spoke to me a few days before that and I smiled and quickly ran out the door. I suppose I ran for the same reason I’m ashamed to speak of this man. Because it seems slightly gay to me. The next time I saw him he just gave words of encouragement while I ran. “GET IT!!! Whooo, look at him gettin’ it!” While these things did make me smile, I have nothing to say so it becomes me looking at another man and smiling for a second only to realize I’ve held eye contact too long and look back down. Does this behavior sound familiar to anyone? It should, this is how couples in the 50’s acted while the man was “courting”. How paranoid do you have to be to brand yourself gay?
Nelson and I had Sonic Drive-Thru on Saturday night, I won’t go into any gross detail. I’m a yogurt machine and this was Nelson’s text to me yesterday “idk if Sonic did this but im super gassy and my shit smells like eggs”… thanks Sonic!
The older the dog the more his d*ck stinks. If you don’t believe me get down there get a good sniff of Yeller’s taint. It’s madness… My supervisor has been on vacation for a couple of weeks now and it’s been magical. I only wish it weren’t all coming to an end tomorrow. Please magical beast, hear my voice and make this vacation last forever.
Bebe Winans just ran through my mind. He was being chased by the angriest 9 foot WASP you could ever see. I’m tired and these are the foundations of my semen soaked daydream. Enjoy.
It’s been mentioned in the news all weekend; Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother (maybe it was a sister, I don’t care) shot to death. A child is missing because of it, their offering $100,000 for the child’s return. Hasn’t anyone leaned in and whispered “You know he’s dead don’t you? They can’t bring him back cause physically he’s face down in a ditch with his pants still off and mentally he’s tap dancing with Jesus…” I would, but I’m also terrible in situations like that. Would they still pay up if someone sent them that nephew in a box? “You may pay me the same way I’ll send you the precious one… in installments” It can’t be too soon for that cause it tickles me so…
ABS- The African booty stench. This is a term that soliders in Lybia refer to the locals with. A friend spent the summer there and told me that people had Jordans on that had not showered in weeks. You could see a woman as fine as Halle Berry but careful, cause once you unleash her body you’re certain to find the ABS. Listening to someone says “ABS” makes me laugh. Why is it so easy to make me laugh? Well, easy for everyone except you Arthur (the aardvark from the popular children’s books and PBS show, I never cared for his personality).
I have a friend that specifically goes out of her way not to watch Morgan Freeman. She’s never liked a role he’s played. Insanity….
A gay man with a horrible Mohawk always tries to make eye contact with. Perhaps the next time I’ll try “the slow jerk” on him in the bathroom. Hopefully he’ll think I’m creepy and not f*ckable in any way.
Jim Carrey apparently does not like sequels, but willing to put his name on Liar Liar 2.14 or The Yes Man. Ace Ventura 3 darnit! If I’m going to see you suck at least let me see you suck something familiar.
All that talk of sucking made me hungry. “F*ck it, who wants some Krispy Kreme?!” Neighborhood children: ME!!!!!!!! (the children stampede Tyler’s Corolla and he lures the kids to 7-11 to fill their stomachs with dairy…. Never to be seen again) Whoa, that was a morbid way to end the blog. How about a funny pic to smoothe that over with…
Laters, mamy!
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