Get you hand outta my POCKET!!

I read something, for once, that grabbed attention cause it was a topic of discussion. Almost like back when the anonys had their say on things and (perhaps) it got a little out of control. I will say that sometimes they had some very valid points. If you read DCCOMeDY4Now’s post yesterday about the DCComedyFest how could you not make it the bottom without nodding your head like “Yeah? Yeah Darn it. Shenanigans…” Lord knows I couldn’t, I only hope that most of the profit and money to keep it running is from packed shows and what not. Because it there was a moderate amount of money to be made from all the submissions from within the heart of the city where you chose to put “your” comedy fest, that is SO wrong. For a second I got to thinking, maybe we could put on our own festival with nothing but acts from within the area to finally shine some light on what other scenes should be jealous of. But no, there are way too many other factors: Media, money to reserve venues, headliner and feature acts that will draw a crowd, publicity, elephants… long story short, it is a little too much for someone like me to even begin to piece together. I guess we have to make due with what we have. I’d love it if whoever runs that blog would put up this note though. I’d like to think I can be fairly easy to get along with (unless you’re ____ T) but when I called to ask a question, respectfully, Ms. P was about as rude as they come. I can only imagine what the e-mail looked like when she wasn’t holding back. C’mon put up that letter, it’s f*ckin’ Wednesday man…

I can’t really move my arms right now, it hurts to type. Allow me to explain how I started my work day with a grunt. As soon as I got to my desk at 8:03, yeah I was late but it doesn’t count until 8:15, Babygirl showed up and wanted to go downstairs. I’m thinking we’re going to grab some breakfast or coffee like normal, but instead she needed to get some printer paper from the supply room. Of course, it wasn’t in the closest supply room so we walk down to the other supply room on the 1st floor. Not there either, which takes us to “Ground Zero” cause everything can be found on 0 floor. I asked a man if he could point us in the right direction and couldn’t understand one word out of his mouth while he told us which way… but he pointed so there you go. We laughed at the fact that neither of us understood him and then pressed on. When we reached the area that it looked like he was talking about, there is a little room off to the side. People I had seen before (a Filipino woman who went off on her “then” boyfriend after he did something. The argument ended with these words “Where are the KIDS?! You just left them?! You’re a monster, what kind of person are you” those were his words to her in the cafeteria at breakfast time. We forget many things but never the truly great awkward moments…. Back to my story) but never knew where they worked. I tell a chubby white guy that I’m looking for printer paper and he tells me to fill out a slip and he’ll grab the crate. CRATE, when I said I was looking for paper I meant about 200 sheets. If I had to guess, I’d say I walked about with thousands. Babygirl and I were a good five minute walk away from my desk. When he put the crate in my arms I immediately knew this was going to be one hell of a walk. Try not shake, don’t sweat, don’t sway, keep conversation, smile, don’t breathe too hard, check out that @ss, look her in the eyes…. It was a long walk. The box wasn’t so heavy as it was awkwardly shaped there was no good way to hold it. When we got back I put it down gently and walked away. When I got back to my desk my shoulders just died and I realized I was spent. Oh the things we do for…. Babygirls.

More than just getting a lot of hits, I get misty eyed seeing that most of the people reading this dribble are in our community. Not for a picture, not for song lyrics, I dig that because, you see…. I’m an ego-maniac. I fear that one day it will develop legs and arms and leave me meek and timid. Let us pray that does not come, because I am the only thing controlling my ego’s cannibalistic urges, with my rhythm. Should we separate it will surely go on a killing spree and the children…. Who will save the children? Psst…. My ego is racist too, I don’t know where it gets it from.

Sarah D. is at the bottom of Damone Miller’s top friends. I just find that hilarious. Maybe I’m just ol’ fashioned…

Orange Tic Tacs taste like $#!T. White Tic Tacs taste like d*ck. But a Black Tic Tac tastes like rhythm… stereotyping.

My friend Jessie Thomas from Richmond and I were talking yesterday. He gave me more information than I ever thought I would need, but just enough for me to hope he never has children. In one phone call this is what I found out about him: Steve Byrne is a beast and cupid rolled all together, he loves the Dark Knight because he is a living human with skin and bones, He hated the Lord of the Rings Trilogy because he is evil and made up of not-so-niceties, He is one with the Devil (yeah, I stuck that in there because the Lord of the Rings was the greatest Trilogy ever), He touched a kid…. You heard me (yes, that’s a lie too), high fives Adolf Hitler’s picture every time he comes across it, doesn’t include Die Hard 2:Die Harder in the Die Hard Foursome but really… who does?

Jessie is also the man who at a party last December, walked right up to a kinda hot-ish slutty looking woman and said “We should f*ck..” even though she was an ex-stripper she told him she was celebit. Moments like that echo through time, when Bold met Pathological Nancy, hey that’s a love story!

I will probably never feel comfortable with the woman who is behind me sitting where she is. Maybe it’s because she’s from Iraq, maybe it’s because she looks white. No, I think it’s because when people say “shifty eyed” they are speaking her of exact facial expression. Plus she has a limp with no explanation for it… hmmm.

I had another dream of being in Akira. For the geeks who know what I’m talking about, I’m always Tetsuo in my dreams and just like him, as soon as I realize I have powers I start killing anything and everything. Another reason to rejoice, Akira is in production (I believe they started already) for its live action movie. Don’t drool at work, it’s unbecoming.

You could go to youtube.com but instead go to Ryan Conner’s blog and watch the video of Mike Tyson’s best quotes. Feel free to let me know what your favorite was. My favorite is when he said “I’m a f*ck you in the @ss til’ you love me f@ggot!” Oh Mike Tyson, you terrify me in every possible way. I was afraid to embed the video on my page cause you never know. What happens if a million people read this one day and Mike catches wind of me embedding the video. You can’t run far enough to feel safe when a man like that has you on the brain. Run Ryan…

I went down to get a soda and a King Size Twix, but my arms are still shot. The soda glass door slides and normally is tough to get open so I end up slamming it open then gliding shut. I almost had to use two hands to get the door open, luckily no one was around. My friend Cassaundra thought it was hysterical and was about to help me. Now I know what it’s like to be without legs. You something to happen and it just won’t.

If you can’t acknowledge that Justin Timberlake is a talent performer by now, you’re hiding a crush. It’s that simple, sing that $#!T man!

I guess I’ve blog until I can’t blog anymore, I pray that everyone on earth (or at least or little community) writes a new blog that I may read and chuckle silently to at my desk. Oh what a Wednesday that would be.

Laters