The plot thickens

What’s a Friday without a kick in the groin? For those of you that said blissful… you’re wrong. That’s like saying peanut and jelly would be great if all that peanut butter weren’t getting in the way. That’s why when I get home the first thing I’m going to do is kick off my shoezens (zapatos) and grab a nice thin pair of socks. I’m going to roll up the right leg of my jeans and hide in Nelson’s closet, using his dirty clothes as camo if need be. When he comes home I’m sure he’ll peel off his work clothes that will be soaked in nasty, no doubt. That’s when I leap from the closet shouting “Moondaba!” and crank back my leg for a kick to the balls that Kevin will feel from wherever he is. I’m gonna curl my toes to make sure that the balls of my feet change his life forever. A good kick to the fruits is always savored best when you’ve planned over it and strategized ever possible factor. I’ve drawn up Venn diagrams and pie charts to make sure that I’ve taken the best course of action and it’s settle; he’s going down.

Nothing is more awkward then trying to open a soda in a board meeting. No matter how long and careful you are, that bottle of Sprite will still “sigh” and everyone will look at you. Ah, gotta love meetings.

Little children in my neighborhood actually starting greeting me with “Hello Mister”, I’m officially an old man now. Oh God.

Dear Wolf, please reverse the aging process and allow me the opportunity to take some lessons back to middle school. With the knowledge I have now, I could have any girl I wanted back then. Never listen, treat’em like $#!T, wear cologne and don’t talk. I’d be a pimp. Praise be to the Wolf!

Eli’s blog tickles me, and it shouldn’t.

The List: Seaton, Erin, Justin C., Chris Hayes, Haywood, Bryson, John McBride, Barylick, Travis, Tim (I’m not calling him ____ ), Aparna & Hampton, Doo Doo, Sampson, Sean Ellis, Jake, Molberg, Kyle Martin, Atif, Tyler S., Eli (I was gonna put him earlier but I don’t want to reveal my crush…. Oh, that’s gay), Mumma, Schlegel (he can’t stay away), Poon, Andy Kline, Jay Hastings, Nick Turner, Mike Way, Weems, Courtney. I know I left people out but no intentionally, I just wanted to see exactly how many people I could name off the top of my head. It’s quite a scene though isn’t it? Wait…. Why the f*ck aren’t I on this list?!

A lady who reeked of cigarette smoke coughed profusely and gave me a dirt look for having cologne on. When she left the elevator I could hardly breathe cause she left a cloud of second hand smoke. Karma, right?

A little less conversation a little more action… I don’t really think that song gets played enough. Does it ever get old enough that your feet aren’t tapping? Of course not, sing that $#!T Elvis.

I just ate a retarded and deformed chicken. That is all. Oh yeah, it had a hair in it. Let that thought soothe you right into a coma. Cause that’s what bad chicken leads to.

Laters, see you tomorrow at the ex-Laughing Lizard (I can’t spell the name of that place to save my life)…