Whoops, missed a day. I'm pregnant :(

I'm pretty psyched to be hosting for Gary Gullman from Tourgasm and LCS this weekend. It was Bryan Callen but you know what they say about life.... sometimes it changes.

Send the troops home and send one Hulk Hogan out to Iran to set things right "Brother"! Imagine how many leg drops it would take for them to surrender... my guess :54

Nelson, Kevin and I usally have a fun time creating new words that involve "man". Example: Mantasy, Mantastic, Manificant. Well now I've met the new love of my life: Tymanosaurus Rex. Oh, don't it roll off the tongue so well you just wanna sop it up with a biscuit.

A Child's Prayer: Dear Wolf, please kill Billy Abraham. He bullies me and makes all the girls laugh at me. Show him no mercy for he is a Tymanosaurus Rex. Dear God, please forgive me going to the wolf for a favor. I just know how you feel about exacting vengeance on one of your sheep. Amen.

I think the use of that worked out well, don't you?

Bobert Downey Jr. is playing Sherlock... awesome. Bobert Deniro is still not accepting roles worthy of his genius.... not so awesome.

Nobody will ever care for you like your mother. I used to think that was total B*ll$#!t when my mother told me that. Now I see that couldn't be more true. Never fool yourself into thinking somebody loves you more than anyone on the planet. That little lesson keeps me single, but one day.... nah, I'm gonna have to adopt. I need to dement some little kid of my own.

Stride gum does not actually last long. I clocked it at about 3 minutes.... you lied to me Stride. How could you? I trusted you. I swallowed for Christ sake. I f*cking loved you, how the f*ck could you do this to me. Get your $#!t and get out. I don't ever want to see you again. Don't grab those, those aren't yours. I bought that $#!t. All you had to do was be honest with me, I could've taken it. Sob....

My Grandpa's friend DeAnn says I'm either a genius or seriously disturbed. Sadly, my mind is so much worse than what I'm willing to put out there for other comics to judge. Some would think I'm insane, others would wonder how I could laugh about something like 9/11 (just an example, don't judge... no, it's true, judge away). Which is why I can't wait for Heath Ledger's interpretation of the Joker. If you look up the definition of a sociopath, which I had a whole blog dedicated to, you're looking at a pretty good description of who I am. I won't say I'm violent (that's part of the description) I found most of the criteria to be spot on. Take that for what it's worth.

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood.... who created this saying? Why? I imagine it was a time before television... maybe even radio. Back when people stood on stoops outside and conversed day in and day out. When condoms didn't exist (YEAH!!!) and malaria was something to be afraid of. Oh, the 60's were tough.

P.S.- I'm aware that radio and television were around in the 60's. My 8th grade teacher replayed the Kennedy assassination at least 5 times for us. It was awesome, and totally inappropriate to replay that many times. Just imagine the size of the grin on my face when all the children had enough and she rewound several more times just to make sure it was forever imprinted on our brains. "Did everyone catch that? Hmm? We'll go back and play that one more time, Mkay?" Oh, Mrs. Arnold.

If someone would actually like me to blog more about our comedy scene please let me know. I'd like to think I keep these somewhat interesting, but perhaps people are as bored as I am with a lot of the blogs these days. Seems like a lot more people are reading now than when I first started and was as excited as Justin Cousson. Let me know.

I think I'm gonna get back to work, have a merry weekend. Laughing Lizard is this Saturday so live it up, assuming you've already seem Gary Gullman at the Arlington Cinema N' Drafthouse on Friday ;)

Laters