This condom burns.... oh, it's not on...$#!T

Well, the Laughing Shaunessy's showcase was pretty cool. Keith brought a lot of the crowd, and like a d*ck, took them away the moment he was done onstage. He went 3rd.... yep. I went first so had the pleasure of performing to a "fuller" room. I feel like it went okay, but the highlight of the night was a new sport that I'd like to introduce. I'm sure many of us have played without knowing, I'm just going to throw some "order" into the vat. Ready, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me explain. It is no secret by now that Hampton & Aparna are happily coupled, I was next to them for about 20 minutes and don't think I've ever felt so single and alone. It's not their fault no one loves me, but they weren't helping, "Love you guys!". If you pay attention, doesn't even have to be close attention, you'll notice the love when one is performing. No, not Hampton, Aparna wears a look of normalcy and neutrality when Hampton's on. But I'm sure she wants her "Bubby" to do well (that's not a nickname between them, just a suggested nickname). But oh, when Aparna takes to the stage there is nothing as priceless than sneaking a peek at Hampton. It's the exact same face that we all had when Christmas morning finally came and our parents said "Go ahead, we'll be down in a minute with the camera". If you've seen him then you've also probably made eye contact with him, cause right when you're staring, admiring the love in his eyes, he's looking right back at you. I've noticed several times, so here are the rules for "Hampton Fishing":
5 points- If you see him blink (he doesn't, so feel accomplished)
10 points- If he slaps his knee
15 points- If without saying anything to him you make eye contact
20 points- If you laugh when he looks at you so he doesn't tell Aparna you were a d*ck and weren't paying attention. Instead of listening to her genius, you were focused on another guy the entire time a woman was performing on stage. Admittedly, this game is slightly gay... but that's okay.

When you're done tallying up your score, take it to the other comics and compare. See who was really paying attention, then show Hampton. This could be an awkward game should they ever break up....

Did anyone notice that Carmen Electra never aged. She might be a little slimmer but really she's still the same naked body I looked at in my first porno when I was in the 7th grade. Whew, that was one hell of a run-on sentence huh? Anyway, it got me to thinking that maybe she found the secret of eternal youth.... Dave Navarro's d*ck. I know I know, she banged a lot of people like Dennis Rodman, but that's just gross. I say anyone that wants to be young forever join me in front of Mr. Navarro's mansion and demand our share. (Don't write a joke to that, for once I thought I'd preview a premise in a blog... kill me)

Entourage returns to HBO the first Sunday of September. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia returns in September.... Why do we spend all year waiting for the summer only to have the television remind us that Summer sucks.

Some times I wonder if my blog was as angry (at times) as Justin Cousson's when I first started this farce... to Justin's credit, he has yet to have a title like "Kevin Lee is a f*ckin faggot"... you know what? In hindsight, I still like that title. Some things will never change.

Where the hell is Jeremy Hotz?! I fell in love with his stand up special on Comedy Central back in high school, even my mom laughed and she hates to laugh. I miss you, please Google your name and find this beacon from a true fan. Please Mr. Hotz...

I didn't go to work today, cause I felt like sleeping. It's allowed me to see a lot of what goes on at home during the day. Other than masturbation, it's silent. I'm watching Comix Remix on Comedy Central and there is some Andy Dick stand up from the early 90's. This is before "some" people got his bi-curious humor so it's just pretty creepy. Like Eli Sairs, I just can't figure him out.

Well sir, I'm gonna go. It's about time I jump online and slaughter the children of the world in a video game. You know that creepy speech Jim Carrey gives in The Cable Guy? It was 100% correct.

Laters, by the way, does this kid look like he could be my son?