When I looked really closely at a duck near work I felt something. I’m not Buddhist, nor do I believe in reincarnation (fully, part of me wants to hope I can come back and do it again if I’ve been a good boy) but when I looked in his eyes I felt him saying “F*ck you, why am I a duck?” Then he swam off to the other side of the pond.
Why did Looney Tunes make the idea of slapping people so appealing? It doesn’t matter who I’m talking to (except my girlfriend… wink) I would find it incredibly amusing to slap them back to the moment they first burst from the womb mid-sentence. Of course I’ll give you an example:
(a man is at a urinal when another man approaches the urinal beside him)
1: Hey Peter.
2: (Good Morning) Dan.
1: Say, did you see the new intern?
2: Oh, she was dynamite!
1: Pow! Right?
2: (SLAPS THE EVER LOVING SWEET TASTE OF MAMA’S HOMEMADE PIES WITH CHERRY ON TOP OUT OF MAN #1’S CRAW WITH D*CK STILL DANGLING CAUSE THERE WAS NO TIME TO ZIP…*takes a breath*… CAUSE IF THE TIMING WASN’T FLAWLESS THEN WHY THE F*CK WOULD HE SLAP THE BLACK OFF HIS ITALIAN FRIEND MAN #1? )End.
Whew, now where were we? Ah, nowhere. Moving right along then (oh that reminds me to watch the Muppet Movie next chance I get).
Yesterday I sat down and watched Loaded on FUSE. How long does it take for people to get over beating a young pop singer until she is damn near unrecognizable? The answer: 107 days. The Grammy’s were February 08, 2009.
Squidish Love Pocket, there I’m glad I’ve got that out of my system.
Terminator Salvation kicked more ass than the Asskickatron 9000, which was built by the finest asskickphysicians, designed for style. Just remember it’s the Terminator. People keep talking to me about it like they went in expecting Pride and Prejudice and were bombarded with explosions and testosterone. Go expecting to pay more than you should to sit in an unsanitized seat. Plan on buying a soda but get the Icee because that is liquid crack. Get some nachos because you’re cheap and don’t want to experiment on the pizzas that AMC is now selling for some d*ck suck worthy price. Go grab a seat by some fat man and your good buddy ____. You’ll see some good previews, some that make you smile and whisper “I think the fat man next to me passed gas… but that trailer looks good too.” Other trailers will make you soft. And by the time the credits roll you’ll be holding a fist full o’ big black nuts wondering why you didn’t go to the bathroom during the movie. You’ll know why, because if you moved you might have missed a stern face, a Christian Bale superstar close-up or a boob… there were no boobs for those that will purchase a ticket to see one. Side note: Will Nelson and I peed, a man came up behind him and didn’t wait for him to be finished before he unbuckled and began to “unsheathe his sword.” The look on Nelson’s face was priceless, the look on mine… satisfaction. Damn that was a good movie.
Earlier this morning I had a discussion, I’d forgotten how compassionate women can be so the conversation was cut off at the knees. Rather than go on a tangent forever I’ll just leave you with a thought: I little girl has just died from a tragic accident. You are the doctor who has the task of telling her family that she is gone. Before you head out the door you glance at the name… Exodus Tyson. You look out the door and see that Mike Tyson is awaiting the news. How much do you $#!T yourself? I would personally rather wrestle with a Tiger. Nuff’ said.
It was a shorty (blog-wise) type day. Hopefully I’ll have more stuff and Lord knows I kinda feel like performing this week(gasp, I better write a joke or two).
A THING THAT HAPPENED - I don’t usually write sincere posts on here, but “here goes” or whatever “people” “say” “anymore”. And this is not about my secret Scientology past (oops!)...
2 years ago