Tyler Richardson on Facebook

Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Hello everybody

It has been a little while since I stopped by to chat for a few seconds. How are you? (fine) great, and how was your Christmas? (fine and thanks for asking, how was yours) as expected it was pretty awesome and I spent a lot of time with family. My mother who has been divorced for most of my life, recently got engaged. It's a little weird for me to picture because it's been me and her for most of my life, but on the flip side he does have a lot of money and that combined with the fact that she's not doing too bad herself make me very happy. Happy for them, but mostly for my sister who is 10 years old. She gets to be one of those rich black kids that I wished I was all the way through high school. I tip my hat to that. Me, on the other hand, I'm just the older son that he really won't have to put up with. But, he did get a 24 pack of Miller Lite for me at a party they threw before Christmas, so I like him. Plus, he got my mother(who is perfectly content with a 32" TV and basic cable with dial-up internet) to get DirecTV and DSL internet, and now there's talk of LCD screens in the future. I love this man. Now if I can just get him to let me borrow his Corvette for the weekend, I'll call him Dad. For that weekend.
How are you comedians these days. I haven't been out too much the past week or two. It's been busy, but I imagine that most people have been running ragged. Thank goodness that it's over now. And, I really look forward to the possibilities and opportunities that this new year offers. I really hope to achieve some goals, comedy wise, that make me a better comic, and get work. Who knows, I might even give running an open mic a try. But, I want to make sure that I do it right if I'm going to do it at all.
I had a big bowl of Gumbo last night, and let me tell you that it's calling. Let me satisfy this beast and we'll do this again sooner than later. Like Monday. Laters everyone....

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

At last.... my love has come along.

At last my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Ohh yeah yeah
At last
the skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream, that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Ohh yeah yeah…
You smile, you smile
oh And then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
for you are mine....
At Last

Just felt like I should finish the lyrics. Well I finally got a video of newer material on my computer. Hope it makes a few minutes better for you. And, if you hate it, cause it's your right to... that wasn't me.


Monday, December 18, 2006

Lizards aren't just for kids...... anymore!

So I did the Laughing Lizard on Saturday and it was cool. Not one of my better performances of the last couple months but it was okay. Interestingly enough, I was talking about how at the last time I had to pick an order number I picked first(Improv Feb.06) and then as I laughed in retrospect... I drew 1st again. Took it like a man. Tried to rock it like a sexy man but these things happen. So, the coolest part was probably just all the cool ass cats hanging out there. Let's go through a list(drum roll please):
Kojo Mante
Larry Poon
Andy Haynes
The Beautiful Tyler S.
Marshall Henry
John McBride
Jacob Young(with the sexiest hat known to man)
and Tyler R.(yeah, I threw myself in cause the list was looking slim)
So where to now? Don't know, I guess I'll see where the wind blows me. Let's see now... Last week was Kazaam night so maybe I can be sexy at Soho tonight, maybe. We'll see what Gears of War has to say about that. Laters....

Friday, December 15, 2006

Buffalo Wings!!!

So, last night I went to Herndon. Saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a while since I stopped going to Wiseacres. I bombed I guess; I only use I guess since there were comedians sitting in front of me and everyone else was at the bar talking and certainly not giving me the time of day. I'm not the kind of person who passes off not grabbing attention just because there are nothing but comedians in the room. I find that even comedians are people and they should laugh if your funny enough. So it doesn't really matter who you are, if the person on stage has done what they came to do, you laughed. Did not happen for me last night though. Perhaps I was just having an off night. Plus, I got lost for about a half an hour before I got there. But I left really early just in case. To give a good example of someone who did perform at a level I wish I had let's use Seaton Smith. He came, did what he do, the walked off the stage a conqueror. RESPECT.
On a different note: Last night I had the opportunity to talk to Clay Miles after a long time of not speaking. Not really important if you don't know what happened, but he was a big man last night and I respect that. Not everyone can forgive, so it kinda caught me off guard. Oddly enough, we were conversating on working through bombing right before I got onstage and went Ass to Ass. Destiny maybe. Oh, by the way I had some sex last night... moving on. Saturday will be hopping over at the Laughing Lizard, man that was corny but you get the picture. Just go, it doesn't even start til' 10pm-ish. Let's just say 10:30-ish... Just go. Maybe the drunk girl will be there foaming at the mouth with date rape drug and gimmesome. Could happen... Laters

Thursday, December 14, 2006

It starts...

Well, it's Thursday and here we are again. I have the pleasure of going to the Buffalo Wings House(I think that's the name, but I could be off by a word or two) and it should be fun. Rob has really done this whole open mic thing pretty well I must say. Locations seem nice and ready, I repeat, ready for comedy. And that my friends is what is most important to me. They say that a paid show and open mic audience are completely different and laughs will always be harder when they paid to laugh; probably the truth, but I'll take a crowd that's damn close to it. I'm looking very forward to 2007, it should be a cool year. One thing that I need to change is my need to drink when I'm out at a place that serves CERVEZA. It's denting the pockets and now I find myself budgeting for said beer. That's a sign of alcoh... know what, no it's not.(Denial) Don't know what it is but the milk shakes from McDonald's give me horrible... well you know what they do to people who are lactose intolerant. Only problem is that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not lactose intolerant. Problem. I've finally thought of what my website's name will be and feel free to let me know what you think www.funnynegro.com, I like it and think that quick line gets my sense of humor across in a very blunt way. Well, I gotta go, but stay sexy people. Laters...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Monday at Soho...

Well, in keeping with Murphy's law, I went to Soho on Monday and it was Kazaam night. Well... I did get to soak up the free comedic stylings of Doug Powell, Andy Haynes, Rory Scovel, Jay Hastings, Kojo Mante, Chris Barylick, and any other comic who's name escaped me. But then it got really cold so I went home. Nothing happened on Tuesday, but tomorrow it's off to Rob Maher's new room in Sterling. We'll see how they take me and I'll report on Friday. Just to get it in everyone's mind, I'll be at the Lizard on Sat. and so will Poon, Tyler S., Marshall Henry, Rory, and lots more. Be prepared people, be prepared....

Monday, December 11, 2006

Determination.... and Christmas Time!

Determination in the title of the blog is cause I have to get off my ass and go to Soho tonight. I put it off week after week, but today "I'm there".

Okay, so I had a Christmas party for work on Saturday night. It was interesting. Very lonely though and probably cause this was the first time that I've been to one alone. I can't say that I recommend it. I did get hit on by the loveliest young woman, but that's not what I came there for so I did the bitch thing and walked away.(don't care if you believe it, cause it happened) I did have a lot to drink though. Like 10 beers and 3 apple martinis. Oh the appletinis! I had one in my hand the entire night. Like a black slightly more attractive Dean Martin. Love it, cause it takes a strong man to drink what he likes when everyone who sees him breaks into laughter and homophobic jokes. But, you know me, I'm not gay so they bounce right off me. All in all I had an okay time and then proceeded to get smashed even when the party was done. YOU KNOW! Okay let's do the rundown of the week: Go! Tonight-SOHO...Thursday-Rob Maher has a new room in Herndon, there should be Buffalo Wings or their name is completely misleading...Saturday-checking out the Lizard cause Tyler S. runs it, and this will be the first time I'll have gotten to see Rory since coming back. Laters, and I hope to see you all around...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

So this is Thursday, huh?

Hello... it's been a while. Let me get serious on you for a minute. I saw Freedomland and feel compelled to get people to see it. I think that in a time when missing white children get so much media attention and little black children get so little, we needed a movie like this. It's eye-opening because it's so true to life. I just watched it because it had Samuel L. Jackson and Jullianne Moore, but was quickly drawn in to the story. Just watch it people. Just watch it.
If I may I would like to introduce the world to song lyrics that are of a caliber that you really don't see these days...
Well, it was one of those days -- not much to do
I was chillin downtown, with my old school crew
I went into a store -- to buy a slice of pizza
And bumped into a girl, her name was mona -- what?
Mona lisa (what? ) *singing* mona lisa, so men made you..
Youknowhatimsayin? so I said, excuse me, dear
My gosh, you look nice!
Put away your money
Ill buy that slice!
She said, thanks - Id rather a slice of you
Im just kidding, but that's awfully nice of you
The compliment showed she had a mind in her
And when I smiled (ping!) I almost blinded her
She said, great scott! are you a thief?
Seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth
Ha-ha, hah! had to find that funny
So I said, no child, I work hard for the money
And calling me a thief? please! dont even try it (right!)
Sit down eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet
She almost got cut short -- you know, scissors
She tried to disrespect who? ! the grand wizard
Me! well whats your name, son?
Mc ricky d, but not to be so harsh I said to mona li-hee
Im.. sorry and I know thats low class (uhh, yeah)
Please sit, and tell me a little about your past
She said, well I got courage, and I dont like porridge (uh-huh)
Ive never been to college, but Ive got crazy knowledge (uh-huh)
Over eighteen and my eyes are green (uh-huh)
I wear more gold than that man on a-team (uh-huh, uh-huh)
Trim, slim, (yeah) and Im also light skinned
Best believe monas a virgin
A virgin? ! honey needed a slap
She tried to tell me shes a virgin -- with her yea wide gap
I said, it dont matter, see, Im not picky (word)
Let me spell my name out for you, its ricky:
R -- ravishing
I -- impress
C -- courageous; so careless
K -- for the kangols which Ive got
That I wear everyday and
Y -- why not?
To fights not right that I recite and im..
Quite polite like walter cronkite
Well, just about then, trevor my friend came in
He said, hey rick, dont you know playin with these snakes is a sin? !?
He grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me right out the store
He said, I dont want to see you playin with these lowlifes no more!
Now come along, we have a party to attend
With some real mature women and some more of her friends
He hailed down a cab and he waited for a minute
And as the cab came, he thrusted me in it!
And as we were leavin and drivin along
I could hear a melody as mona sang a song

(excerpt from walk on by [d. warwick])
If you see me walking down the street
And I start to cry.. each time we meet..
Walk on by.. walk on by..
Foolish pride
Thats all that I have left, so, let me hide
The pain and the hurt that you gave me
When you said goodbye..
You walked on by..

If you've never really heard the man rap then you have no idea what this whole genre called HIP-HOP is all about. Don't be afraid to get on Limewire(or pay for it) and get some tracks. If even one person listens then I feel I've done my job as an avid Slick Rick fan. If you grow to love it too, JUST PAY IT FORWARD! Show the world that people need to stop leaving him off their lists of the greatest rappers of all time. KRS-ONE is the only rapper that I've seen on television that remembered and put the man in his list.
Back on Comedy for a second... I will be at ROB MAHER's Buffalo Wings open mic next Thursday. In January I actually got a spot at Soho(so I'm actually going, I just can't stand always going and never knowing if I'll get on, so kill me). Gotta send out my tape for consideration of the DCComedy Fest 07'. Let me repeat that when I sent in a tape this summer for the Drafthouse competition, they told me that there were too many big names that entered. To that I have to say "There is no way your telling me that 30+ people in the area are that much funnier than me. Tyler Richardson should be somewhere on that list damnit. He's Tyler." I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have somewhat of an ego, come on folks! But, I will tell you that one of the more humbling moments that I had all week was when a co-worker looked over my shoulder as I was reading Danny Rouhier's blog. He asked why I was reading and I said "this guy's big in the area and I like to see what he's got to say." They replied with "Look at all the people on his list of links, why aren't you on there?" .... That was about all I could say. Humbling. Laters Folks.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A play on Saturday...

Well, Saturday night I went to my good buddy Nelson's play at Marymount University. It was pretty awful. I love him and he entertains me without really having to say anything, but wow was I eager to leap out of a window.... but there wasn't a window. The part that upset me most was that people were pretending to shot themselves in the audience and sleeping. Then some of them started to get up and leave, but the thing that upset me most was that as they walked past me, I was still there. It was about an hour and a half of some chunky girl and Nelson READING from the script. They got away with this because the whole play was supposed to be them reading letters from each other throughout their entire lives. While they did skip some years, everyone found themselves hoping that these two character would just die already. But, instead of one of them getting hit by a bus or something we had to wait for the female to commit suicide. But, most of the fun of the evening took place after the show...
I was told that there was a guy that Nelson hated. Nelson has gone into graphic detail expressing how badly he would like to hurt this man, but you can kind of shrug it off since Nelson always goes into extremely graphic detail about anything he doesn't like. He's a little(more like a lot) over the top that way. But I still love him. I'm not perfect. Back to the bad guy. So, Nelson told me that there was this 21 year old guy that did the play with him and this kid was apparently a DOUCHE. But, the worst part was that this kid had the worst hair line I've ever seen. It was kind of sad, but Nelson did a pretty accurate job of describing this monstrosity before I even got there. Let's just say that when he's older he's either going to have the worst comb-over on the planet, or he'll have enough laughter in his direction that he'll shave it and become the UBER dork that God meant for him to be. I pray for the first one. When the play was over and everyone mingled, I made it a point to loudly bash this man's appearance. Not because I had to, but Nelson told me in advance that the kid needed to hear some serious shit talking and I'll do anything for a friend. But, when the cast went back to take the stage apart, the kid's family took my breathe away. The told him to pose and the made a yelp that you would expect the Jihad to make before a sacrifice. It was awkward and everyone who could hear it left the room immediately. Seriously. It was one of the weirder moments of 2006 for me. Oh, by the way, I di not go to New York, so no story there. And as for yesterday, well if you own Gears of War.... you understand.
I have to quit smoking. I got to work and was standing(not talking to) next to this guy when I noticed that his breathe was horrible. It really smelled like a man with shit on his feet was just dancing away in the back of his throat. So, minutes later I couldn't help but notice that I was still catching whiffs of this hideous smell. Then the truth sunk in. On this day, that bad breathe must belong to me. I just brushed and Scoped, how can this be? Doesn't matter, cause I guess that ciggy that I had on the way to work crushed that good breathe feeling and then had sex with it's girlfriend. So, now I have to go to the store and get more gum than any man can chew. I'll be damned if I'm gonna be that guy.
Congrats, to Erin Jackson. She not only deserves to win Baltimore's Funniest Comedienne, but she was the first person who I asked advice to and she had no problem reaching out to a newbie and giving some incite. So kudos to her and I'm sure there are much bigger things to celebrate in her future.
Well folks, that might have to do it for today. Laters....

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I don't need instructions to know how to ROCK!

That's just a quote from a good show. If you currently aren't watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you might wanna "sheck it out". Sorry Joe. I've become something of a God in Gears of War.... that is all.
Sunday I head off to New York with Sampson and Chris Barylick. That should be fun and I won't be making the same mistake of buying New York Style pizza. Here is my problem with that type. In New York, the pizza that everyone won't stop talking about is thin and large. But, more importantly than that, it's hard on the bottom. As a child, I remember watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:the movie and it always looked so delicious. But it looked soft all over to me. So imagine my surprise and dismay when I bit into the pizza and discovered HARD BOTTOM. It was one of the sadder moments of my life... that day... and I bought a CD for like $20. So, instead of paying for this pizza that does not appeal to me, I shall got to a McDonald's or Sbarro. Tim Miller teased me the last time I went to New York and bought from Sbarro, but the stuff is good folks. You know that already though, why did I bother to try and defend them. They need no defense. Their offense is too strong.
For those that care about my schedule, I have a pretty bleak looking December but who am I? I don't expect to get a paid show every month, but one can always hope and keep picking up that phone, right? Right. And one day I will conquer this beast known as The Jokes on Us comedy club. Oh, it's gonna happen. I have tape of Saturday at the Hyatt that will find it's way online very soon. I would love to have a tape I'm not ashamed of that was at the Comedy Factory or the Improv, but I'm not Improv ready yet(I'm trying out this modesty thing) and guess I have to wait til' next time to get a tape at the Factory. But, it is important to me that people know I'm doing different material than that old stuff. I've written it off and it's dead to me. But then again, Kwanzaa is right around the corner now. Rob Maher has a new open mic, and for once, I'm gonna be on the first list of a new open mic. It's just an open mic, but every new guy has seen a list of a new open mic and noticed that "the good guys" come rock it right away and then over the course of a month Newbies get to come rock it. Well now your good buddy Tyler gonna gonna get to slice that cake up before everyone's gotten the good icing. It's a start, and next thing you know, maybe I'll open a room. Seriously, I would like to run a room but a) who would come out cause I asked them to? b)I'm not that responsible yet c)What if I all the sudden bitched when people wanted to get on my list, and then developed a super ego that destroyed the quality of jokes that I lay before you. And C) is the one that scares me the most. I peed a little just thinking of that Tyler Richardson. He should be shot. Scratch that, just slapped in front of on-lookers. It's still embarrassing. Well, I must be going but you'll hear from me soon, and you know what I'm gonna say, right? Laters...

Monday, November 27, 2006


Why do we do this thing called comedy? Is it because we enjoy the criticism that comes from strangers who don't find us funny? Do we enjoy traveling long distances for as much time as it takes to smoke a cigarette? Do we like watching our peers ascend to heights that we may never reach? Are we just sick of our day jobs? Have we just been longing to repeat jokes we've heard on television in real life to see if that will make us famous too? If you don't know the answer to these questions then I don't think that you know why your doing this. But, as for me, I think I got it.
I had a blast at the Hyatt on Saturday and I look forward to seeing whoever will be there on January 6th. For the record, I don't think I had a rape joke this time around so maybe that's why I get to come back so quickly. Who knows, it certainly wasn't because I turned that bastard sideways with laughter. I give it a 8.8, but remember I'm very bias when it comes to Tyler Richardson's performances. Andy Kline was hilarious as usual and so were a lot of comedians I saw. There were a lot of new people there but I think that everyone got their five dollars worth. They call the popcorn there GOURMET. Just wanted to point that out cause I thought I was going to choke to death from one piece. Oh it was dry baby! Loved it and so did my friend Rob that came with me. Completely unrelated, but I'm(for once) very happy with at least 15 mins. of my material now. I couldn't always say that and I feel like I've grown since I now have an amount of time that no matter what, I feel like I can rock any crowd with. That's a big step for me and hopefully as I continue to write I will get to ad to that time. No rush though, those jokes came to me when they were supposed to and so will future comedy gold... I guess. Well, tonight I hope to go to Soho, but honestly I never get written back saying that I can get on, so it's pretty easy for me to talk myself out of going out on Mondays. But, then again, the only person who suffers from that is me. So, maybe I need to get my ass out of the house. We'll see.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A great Thanksgiving

Well I have to say that I had an awesome time last night. Let's go through the line-up:
Jim Elliot
Leo Goodman
"The Great" Bird Knight
Jessica Paquin
Jared Stern
Rob "The man" Maher
Ayanna Dookie
Will Hesler
Hampton Yount
and more... including myself!
I had a great time and now to get through this holiday with the family. I won't be able to play my 360 for pretty much the whole day. That pisses me off the more that I think about it. Grrrr. Hope you enjoy the new video. We do. Til' Friday, I bid you a fond and fair good morrow. P.S.- If your bored on Saturday or your in the line-up, I'll see you at the Hyatt.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A late night snack...

Here is the latest work of the Riding with Strangers gang:

Be sure to hit up Ned Devine's tonight if your bored. Show starts at 9pm. See you there.

Monday, November 20, 2006

No tape no glory...

So, we have a lot to catch up on don't we? First, let's start with Friday night. It was cooler than I thought it would be. I was just filling in for someone and would be hosting the shows that night. Unfortunately... I got there a little late. It was unavoidable but for any new comic out there, just know that if you think you might need to take the day off at work to get there on time, take the day off. I rushed and was about 12-15 min. late. I basically ran into the show and onto the stage, and the show began. Not sure if they secretly wanted to pelt me when I got there but everyone at the Comedy Factory was still nice and seemed understanding, I did come a little ways. So, that show was a little weird but I did some time here and there(as I was told to) and it went great. Coleman Greene was the feature act and he was a great guy. Even off stage we just sat and talked like civilized people do. I will admit that I didn't get to speak to Angel Salazar all that much, but he was really nice and crushed with every performance. I did not get a tape of any of the shows due to(in this order) 1)getting there late 2) not being ready to film the second show 3)not having the tape rewound before the lights hit. But I will live. Well, in my own honest opinion, I did really well the second and even the third(the dreaded Friday night late show) show went really well. The laughed where I wanted and seemed to enjoy the jokes as much as anyone could hope for. I give the combined performances a 8.5, and I'm proud of that. As any comedian in the Baltimore area can tell you the staff at the Comedy Factory was just great. I enjoyed them last time I did a weekend there, but I really got to talk to everyone this time around and I have nothing but great things to say about everyone there. Rock on! And thanks for having me you guys.
So then we have Saturday night... I was a stupid person and told this pretty strange guy that I work with, that I would go to his house on Saturday night. I had no idea that he wanted to play video games until 4 am!(the man is like 50) But don't get me wrong, I left at 11 pm. Let me explain, but in order. I will list(as they happened) the series of strange events that lead to my exit.

1) I got a little lost finding his house
2) I see one of my bosses going into the house so I know that is the place I'm going. Mid-conversation with a friend, I just opened the door to his house to find his wife about three steps away from the door. I immediately said aloud "Why did I just do that?" Then apologized for 5 minutes.
3) Saw the mansion that he lived in and felt ashamed.
4) Did not eat the first 5 times it was demanded cause I was still drinking my beer. He demanded some more.
5) He played 10 minutes of Audioslave louder than the band does when they're really jammin'.
6) He played the guitar for me and some co-workers and used the word "serenade", and meant it. It was awkward.
7) He stopped me and a few other people from playing video games with the phrase "In a minute, everyone can either play Edgar and I, or you can go find something else to do!" That was the sign it might be time to leave.
8) While playing the game, I was going to drink this Margarita set out. I thought it was set out for me but then he asked me if I took it. He saw it in front of me so clearly he said that to let me know it wasn't for me. But if someone sets 3 Margaritas in front of you and one other person, wouldn't you assume that one was for everyone. My mistake, but then he tells me to go ahead and have it. So, I was letting it sit so I could finish my beer. Apparently, I was nursing the beer cause he kept making remarks about how I was basically wasting that drink. Then he tried to reach in and get the apple. I'm a germaphobe so I was not having that. Then, he made a few more remarks once I finished the drink about how the apple was going to waste, so I shoved that in my face to shut him up.
9) He started up Outlaw Golf and within a couple minutes he angrily got up and switched the game. When asked why, cause he seemed pissed, he just said that he'd rather play the sequel. OKAAAY, so he does that just to show everyone how his character leads along a gimp with a chain. We weren't really that amused. Desensitized I guess.
10) Someone says "Well, we'd better get going." I look up and three of the five of us still there are leaving. Then, Edgar says he's gonna just get a ride home with them. I was like "nah, I'll take you man." Then Stu looks at me and says "Hey Tyler, could you move your car, your parked behind me?" So this was my chance. Everyone was giving good-bye handshakes and damned if I was gonna stay behind. I got up and stuck my hand in the mix. He then looks at Edgar and I and called us out. "You guys are leaving after only 2 hours?!" That was horrible, but I told him that I wasn't gonna be able to have sex if I didn't leave right then. That was pretty much the truth though. So then on our way out, the host made a couple of joke with the loud words "get out" in them. Not funny. Point taken. He kept trying to play it off though. SO we left.
11) In the car, we laughed at everything that ust took place and then it hits me. I look in the back seat cause I don't think I took my game out of his XBOX 360(by the way, he handed me a printed out inventory of all of his games for XBOX and 360, let's just say it equaled a few pieces of paper). So now it's either we go back or I get it on Monday. Edgar had to pee so we went back. I called to let him know, and he sounded a little pissed but told me to come around back.
12) When I got there his son was now home. Nice guy, I said my pleasantries and then made my way to retrieve my game, and smooth this bitch over. Edgar went to the bathroom. When he got back I felt the urge to go to the bathroom too. So, I did. When I come out of the bathroom the first thing I see is that for some reason this guy's son is now shirtless. And he was a BIG BOY. Jelly big, not sexy big. He was showing off his ARM tattoos, so he took his shirt off. That was all I needed to see though. I made for quick compliments and then a handshake and we were outta there like a bat out of hell. All praise to Meatloaf! So that was my Saturday, plus I went home and had sexin's. That too, was beautiful.

In one of my earlier blogs I gave out my gamer tag. It's Devo2021 in case you weren't reading, but someone finally made contact. I will not say who cause I haven't actually conquered them, but you all know them quite well. When the day comes that he feels my chainsaw, I will plaster his name and hopefully a snapshot of me killing him with it. But, all in the name of love, I hope he'll give me an equally brutal tongue lashing if he comes up the better man. And, there's a good chance he'll be better.
Well people, it's off to Soho for practice(hopefully) and then to God knows where. VIVA LA TYLER! Laters...

Friday, November 17, 2006

Baltimore Comedy Factory pt. 2

Well if your bored tonight, and wondering around Baltimore, and you owe me $20 bucks... then come to the Comedy Factory tonight while I do a few shows. The debt will be forgiven, trust me. Also, I saw Over the Hedge. Damn good movie, but isn't anything that stars Bruce Willis. Well folks, I'll be hitting that dusty trail here soon so I will report on tonight tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll do well with my newer stuff and get a good 10 mins. on tape. Laters people...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Video games.... the anti-accomplishments

Well, I apologize for my absence but WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 came out on Tuesday and I've had to get as much of it out of my system as possible. I've gotta get back on the ball cause I feel a void where comedy used to be. No amount of weed amounts to that high so I have to get back on the road otherwise I'll just die. Not literally, but I will transform into a beast the has lost the ability to control his urge to kill. Just as bad by most people's standards. Did I mention that the beast would have metallic skin so the military won't be able to take him down... yeah cause that's one of the scariest parts. And missiles for arms. That's all.
For anyone out there with an XBOX 360: my gamertag is Devo2021, come find me. Then come get some. Gears of War, Smackdown, Madden, etc. I gets busy.
Lovely rainy day we're having, always better when you can enjoy the evening knowing that there's nothing to do, but sex up whoever is closest to you. I hope Nelson has the memo on rainy days, cause if'n he don't, it gonna be sex by surprise(aka rape). Okay now that was a rape joke but I've investigated and if you call it sex by surprise, people get less offended cause it takes a minute for them to realize that your speaking of the love that bears no passion.
A stranger tried to sell me drugs while I was exiting a store the other day. this might be a regular occurrence for some of you, but that doesn't really happen to me. For the first time in my life I felt like an adult cause I wanted to call the cops on him. Instead, I laughed all the way to the car, cause his only line was "What's up lil' homie? I got dem DUBS if you want em'!" Oh, he was classy. But, his lack of showmanship combined with the fact that he's the most obvious drug dealer I've ever seen kept him from a sale. And, I already had my drugs and I think he could tell from the look in my eyes.
Ned Devine's this Tuesday!
Don't have a whole lot for you guys today other than an impromptu poem that I'm all too happy to share:

If I could pick one moment in my life to go back on it would be one magical July night.
The year would be 2001 and the mood was just right.
I was driving around on a rainy day, and stopped to admire the scenery of a local neighborhood.
Not that I hadn't done this before but tonight was extra special.
Cause I got blown in my car that night.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Here it is.....

Here is the video that I've promised for so long. I hope that you guys like it. I'll have the outtakes and deleted scenes(for a good reason) ready by later today. Later...

Monday, November 13, 2006

a Sunday to remember

Yesterday was an unusually good day for me. Mostly due to the fact that I played Gears of War for the entire day. Emergence day was exactly what it was made to be... FUN. At 12:01 am on Sunday morning the killings began. At one point a guy that I'm guessing isn't all that great to talk to began his tirade about white superiority and that was the first time I have ever given someone an online tongue lashing. I didn't respond with shut the F up or anything but instead gave him 3 minutes of "How sad is your chapter of the KKK, that they have you playing games online in hopes of recruiting soldiers for the movement?" Eventually, cause I was on a roll, a teammate had to tell me to calm down and let it go. I never really yell, and didn't then, just calmly expressed that it's pathetic he has to share those views with a bunch of guys relaxing and little children who are in between homework. You can't change anyone, but you can hold their face an inch away from feces and make them a punk for a second.
I hope to go to Soho tonight, and as a matter of fact... I think I will. Not that I stand a chance of getting on, but I miss you guys and it's been like a week and a half since I hopped on a stage in our area. That should not be! I keep getting these E-mails for a myspace account that I deleted like 5 months ago. I don't understand why I'm getting them but it looks like a lot of that stuff is coming from people that I don't really speak to. OH WELL. Bethesda should be fun on the 25th, and do you know why? Cause I will be trying my best to hump that place in to submission. That's right, the whole damn town. But, for those that want to see the humping, I plan on starting in the Hyatt and working my way outside after I'm done with the comedy show. I still don't know who else in on with me but I'm sure that it will be a line-up that will shake the world. The world. Maybe if I'm funny enough Curt will e-mail me back about other things. I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed. And let me give you a little history about the Hyatt and myself. In July I went there to do a little 10 min. set the week before I was supposed do the 20 min. ACTUAL set. The hotel (people) had already seen a tape of me and O.K.'d it. But, apparently there was a little too much mention of rape and they didn't want me. By mention of, I mean I said it once, and yeah I find rape hilarious and try to end at least half of my sentences with a zinger involving rape. So, I layed low like I was asked and now I can come by and do this thing like I couldn't have back then. And no, I have no plans of joking about rape when I go back.
Since this is my blog, allow me to pose a question. I don't want this to sound wrong, so please know that I hold anyone who runs a room or has started one in high regards. "Does running a room mean that you now have the right to be as rude and condescending to anyone you feel?" Here is why I ask... I read Danny Rouhier's blog last week and he had a lot of nice things to say. I love Curt, and we all know that he's never gonna answer his phone, we just live with it. This is not about him, the question is for us all. I do not have or run a room. Everyone's response to a gripe about a room is generally "then why don't you run a room!" Why is that the response to any situation. There are rooms that are run very well in this area. But, whenever I here someone throw out the phrase, it makes me think less of them. Why be such a dick(referring to anyone that has used that) cause chances are that if you threw that phrase out, someone told you something you didn't like and that was the quickest thing you could think of to shut them up and win that battle. No one is perfect, but I've seen many a time when someone was wrong and used that to blow it off. Take an example from Rendevous, the one contact that I've made with them was smooth and easy. " Do you have room for me to come by on..." And you know what their answer was... It was yes. If it was no, all that people need to say is "I've got room for you..." See how simple that was. Rooms are started for the best of intentions so keep it that way. "You want me to know my entire schedule at the drop of a hat?!" No, whenever your sipping coffee on your schedule, at your convenience, get back to me. How simple is that. It would be great to know that when I left the house, it's not a crap shoot. And shit happens, yes I know. My point is simple, I'm not telling people how to run their rooms cause I don't have one nor do I know every aspect of what they do. But, there is a reason that not everyone is running a room. I can't so I don't. If someone is considering starting one, and you actually care about anything that I've said, I have a few suggestions. They're gonna seem crazy but stay with me.
1) Answer your E-mails within a weeks time
2) Be friendly(why I have to point this one out, I have no idea)
3) Keep your frustrations hidden, cause that comes with the territory
4) Be fair and keep personal opinions out of the picture
5) We all start somewhere, but somehow you have to make it a room that COMEDIANS flock to and people wanna go have a laugh.

Your mission is not an easy one by any means but that is why not everyone does it. Have fun with this stuff. And like I said, this was really about no one person. Just a series of stuff that I've seen over the past year that all came tumbling into the blog as I struggled fill a page. Feel free to comment and let me know how you feel. I love everyone and I will talk to you all in the morrow'...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Mission: Un-do-able

That title is honestly the cheesiest attempt at a play on words that I hope anyone ever has to see from me. But, moving on...(and now for those of you unfamiliar with the dual personality monologue, say hello!) I'm well. How are you? I'M FINE. Been a while. YEAH, TOO LONG. Did you turn off the television before you left home? YEP, BUT I DID NOTICE THAT YOU LEFT YOUR COMPUTER ON. Did you get it? NAH. Dick. Britney Spears just filed for divorce and - NO ONE CARES, ESPECIALLY ME. NEXT SUBJECT. Fine, I just thought that since the world seems to care I would mention it. WELL YOU DID AND I'M A LITTLE MORE BORED BECAUSE OF IT. I'LL PICK THE TOPIC: FIRST 3 FEMALE DC COMICS THAT POP INTO YOUR HEAD. GO. Erin Jackson, Jessica Paquin, and Aparna. OKAY, ANY REASON FOR THOSE THREE. They're funny and I see/talk to them more than any other female comics. I should mention that Cassy(hope that's her name) is BEAUTIFUL. Please don't cut me off, but yes. OKAY, SHALL I PICK AGAIN. Go ahead man. OKAY, LET'S DO SOME QUICK WORD/NAME ASSOCIATION. okay, go... Cassy- FINE, Justin Schlegel- TOO FUNNY NOT TO BE THE ANTI CHRIST, Rory Scovel- COME HOME, Mumma- ROCK STAR REINCARNATE, Aparna- TOO GOOD FOR US(OH< BUT ONE DAY...), Andy Haynes- BARNEY'S KID THAT GREW UP AND GOT BITTER, Jim Elliott- EFFORTLESS HILARITY, Tyler S.- A DO-ER, Ryan Conner- BLESSED, The Great Bird Knight- SEXUALITY, Joe Robinson- R RATED MOVIE WITH A PREVIEW THAT'S PG, Jessica Paquin- COOL GUY, Jermaine Fowler- SURPRISE, Jimmy Meritt- TEACHER, Leslie Cooley- TOO FUNNY TO BE JUST BE MRS. MERITT, Erin Jackson- LOOKS LIKE MOM, Seaton Smith- ME, IF I WAS COOLER?, Marcus Brown- TOO FUNNY FOR ME TO CALL HIM DOO DOO, and lastly, what do you think of Tyler Richardson- ...GAY? I DON'T KNOW I'M YOU. And, no, I'm not gay. I KNOW. Aren't you glad that Gears of War will be out later today? OF COURSE, WE HAVE EVERYTHING THAT WE'LL NEED TO GET A GOOD TIME GOING TONIGHT. Beer- CHECK, Weed- DOUBLE CHECK, smokies- CHECK, a little porn- A LITTLE CHECK, and the game- CHECK BACK AT 2:00 pm. I'm gonna put a really good game photo on the blog once I do something that blows my mind. I KNOW, YOU'RE A GEEK. Well now I'm a geek who's leaving. Bye everyone and I'll hopefully have something great to write about tomorrow. See you in the future...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Evil blog #112...

Well here we are again and I'm in great spirits. Mostly cause I taped the drug thing last night and I get excited whenever people(or 1 person) watch something that I made. It's not a huge deal to them, but to think that they would blow a few of the mindless minutes at work watching something I did... it just makes me smile a little bit that's all. I saw the line-up for the DC Improv competition this month, and it had a lot of people that were right there with me in February. I'm not bitter by any means cause I didn't think I would be ready til' at least December, but I think I will have to find my way there cause I wanna see who wins. I'm not really big on competitions but one of the people that went with me could win and I can only imagine what that will be like for them. I need to see that look on their face and give myself something to reach for.
I read Jimmy Meritt's blog today( the one that teaches new people like me how to get work at clubs) and it was very educational. Even though I've gotten some work, it can only help to find out what other people are doing and see if that helps me. I can't even get respect when I'm standing right in front of people let alone when I'm on the phone. Not with this high pitched voice.
Gears of War came out today. I did not get my copy. Not my fault. Apparently, a shipment that was supposed to go to the store where I pre-ordered it, had a mistake. So now I just wait til' tomorrow and pray that I don't die of anxiety. It's gonna be close. Now I have nothing to look forward to today and thus, there will be Taco Bell. It helps when you're feeling down. By the way, I recently had a MALE break up with my friend Bill. He is the subject of a couple of my sets about a friend that has done way to many drugs to function in society. This break up has given me yet another set to get to work on. It was very awkward for me, especially since he's a guy, but everything reminded me of a couple splitting and it was very hard to hold back laughter. Won't give too many details that way I might surprise you with what direction I take this in. That's the goal for me... I don't want to shock, but I don't want people to think that they can finish a joke of mine without hearing the whole thing. I believe that one of the few compliments that I can give myself is unpredictability. Maybe, just maybe, when I do get to step onstage at the Improv again, I'll be able to walk off with something more than slumped shoulders.... like ummm pride. Yeah. Later people.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

A public service announcement...

There will be a blog later but let me show you the photos that I took. There is a video to go with this that I need to finish editing. The Roomies are now expanded and thus deserve a new name... Riding with Strangers. It wasn't my idea, but we hope that you like the video anyway. Here are the photos and when you do see the tape you'll understand what your looking at a bit more.

Monday, November 06, 2006

With a weekend like that.....

Well, I had a great weekend and I'm buzzin' off that right now. Let's start with Saturday night. I went to the Laughing Lizard with my Nelson, and my Kevin. It was cool and thank you to Tyler S. for allowing me to jump on the stage and get some more of this new shizzy off my chest. I keep writing lately and can't wait to see if it's funny. Plus, I was going to 9:55 and wanted to see if this stuff could fill in some of that time I would be doing. The response was(by my scale) a 8 maybe even 8.5, and hopefully once I've done the material several times I'll get it just right. There were a lot of funny comics there so let's roll through the list:
Seaton Smith
John McBride
Tyler S.(the ringmaster)
Leslie Cooley
Marcus Brown(I'm not gonna say the other part of the name)
Zach T.
and the man with an ass like "steel".... Chris Doucette
so it was a lot of fun. If you were there, you got a special glimpse of the waitress that normally comes in. You know the one that looks like she's 10. Well apparently she was high on PCP or something cause she came in there and cackled her way through the better portion of the show and made it a little weird. A first it was hilarious and then after like 25 minutes of her laughing harder than any person should, I pitied her and wanted to tell her things that would change her life around. I did not because, "I don't know that girl". But it was sad. I hope she makes it to 21. Let's move on to Sunday shall we...
So yesterday I set out to Richmond and was featuring at the 9:55. It was cool and the crowd was exactly how they were last time. They were open to what I had to say and I was able to tell a couple of stories that strung together very nicely. They listened and were right with me the entire time. I dug that and I got the chance to do some more of the new stuff and a couple bits that I dusted off. I had a ball and kicked it around there for a little before driving back home. I met a great comic named Neil Constantine who's material was great. I really dug the fact that he looked like a beatnik. I think that somebody's got to wear the look, and damnit, he did it well. Allow me to share some of the happenings while I was there. I was in this Diner which was literally around the corner from where I used to live in VCU. I had never been before and was meeting my buddy Jason and his ambiguous F*CK buddy. After sitting down and chatting I look to my right and see a young asian guy sitting at a table full of young men who happens to be applying lipstick and I stared hard. My mouth was open and I had a look on my face like that whole thing was new to me. I don't know why I looked like that but when I focused my eyes on the world around me I noticed that the whole table was looking at me.(Whew that was a long sentence) They were kinda giving me the same look I was giving him and then I noticed that now Jason and Caly were looking at me too and so... I closed my mouth and turned around. It was awkward. That is all. I ran into a group of young guys that were dressed in Blue Blazers, I shit you not. They looked straight out of a Docker's ad, and when I saw them this is what I said "You guys look like your ready for a fight!" They instantly knew I was joking and we talked our way across the street into a 7-Eleven. It was a coincidence that they were headed there too cause I was getting some cigarettes. We talked for a while and then I left my new Docker's ad friends. And they were actually pretty cool and funny guys. My guess is that they were pledging. Well then I got home at about 1:45 am, and had one of the worst pee incidents ever. I didn't have to go to the bathroom until almost the second I stepped out of my car. When that happened, I felt it hit and knew I wasn't gonna make it. But I tried, and had my arms full of stuff. I got to the door then had to literally pinch the top and drop my stuff. I bolted up the stairs to my apartment and when I let go of my top... I was peeing. It was completely out of nowhere and in my head it was like an action film cause I really didn't want to pee on myself but for the first time sober, there was a good chance that this could happen. Well, tonight it will off to Soho. I hope to see you guys there and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Gears of War in just two more days...

Friday, November 03, 2006

As the drama unfolds...

My anti-drug campaign will start within the next day or so( just problems with hetero mate Nelson's schedule) but until that begins, allow me to dazzle you with a tale(I'm going to TRY to make this rhyme{in my head anyway})...

On a mountain made of sand and stone sits a very peculiar lion. His name is Gob and he's 20 years old with a mane as black as I am. On this good day he decided to stay, and let the others go hunting. He'd sit there a while, and gather a smile cause it's easy to catch a monkey. Laziness was Gob's only friend and his role in the pride was fading. But he had a plan to get it all back and maybe more than he came with. See while the pack hunted he knew of some humans that set up camp when the rain hit. So Gob went on over and with naughty intentions to take over the throne of the lions. First there was a meeting, with power and points and lots of talk that means pretty much nothing. Then a bargain was reached and humans set out with the help of a devious lion. The pack was so tired they could harldy hear Gob as he loaded his .38 snub. Cause if they had they would have ran, but still gotten taken out bub. Gob saved the leader of the pack for last cause that's what great villains do, just to catch the last look in his eye. And when it was time, Gob plucked out his eyes and sent screams into the night. Gob took his throne but still wanted more so politics were next on the menu, "If you don't agree with one of my decisions.... I'll kill you" and he hopes he can depend on you.

I was bored. Work with me people. Sunday Richmond. Monday Soho. Wednesday Gears of War. Thursday Topaz. See ya around.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Well Thursdays are for thinking...

That means absolutely nothing. But it was the first thing that came to my mind and so, as I do everyday, I went with it. Last night was not the night it should have been for me. I was supposed to sit in rush hour traffic and get to the Richmond FunnyBone for the open mic that they have there. But, I called and they told me that I was still an alternate. I called a couple of weeks ago and someone told me that I was getting on, but luckily I decided not to trust them and check again. He was wrong. So I had to skip that trip. Still doing the 9:55 club on Sunday though. I really don't get to hold a microphone for more than 15-20 minutes when I'm on a stage so I'm looking forward to pacing myself and exploring things. Part of me wants to spend the first five minutes silent and see how well I can do off facial expressions and the pure comedy of an awkward silence. Gotta love those. The highlight of my day was when I found out that I no longer need to mail back videos for blockbuster online. Apparently, now you can take them to the store and it works just the same as it did before except no waiting two days for your movie. I love that and I still get my free in-store movie rental every week. Priorities people, priorities.
Thinking about groveling at Topaz tonight but maybe I'll venture to one of these new open mics and see what all this hoopla is about. Gotta be something to it. I've decided that every week I will be giving my own award for: "The dad with the best genes AWARD!" Basically means that there'll be an intermission in one of my sets where I find out the name of an attractive girl's father. Should be a treat for the world... the world. Fathers who produce an exceptional product rarely get their dues' and it's about time that we should them we appreciate the sap that drops from their waist. Thank you. Laters...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

And Tuesdays make everything feel like Friday...

Well here we are in another typical Tuesday. For some reason today was the day that people are reading my blog so I decided to give them something fresh to remember me by. *Also stay tuned this week, cause I'm doing my own version of a war on drugs that will hopefully make you laugh. The video should be ready as of tomorrow but no later than Thursday.* I'm looking forward to going to Richmond tomorrow. I have a lot of friends down there and since I went to VCU I know the campus very well. Little Caesars here I come! I've missed them.
Well, I heard that Rascals is dead. That was just for anyone who hadn't heard. Moving on...

I've been thinking to myself about what would make my comedy better. Can't reach perfection until you see what your doing wrong. One thing that I don't have down at all is what I'm going to call "the mentality of a performer". Stay with me if you will. So, in my mind, I think that when a performer thinks about going onstage it's different than when a normal person does. The performer thinks of themselves as one, thus they don't even have to think of their material cause it's embedded into their system. A person who is performing( like myself ) might have to think about what comes next. Not only that, but I think that when I'm in that zone I'll no longer see myself as a person doing stand-up, but as a comedian. There is a difference; at least to me there is a difference in saying that I "do" stand-up comedy, and I "AM" a stand-up comedian. Not so much a status thing, it's more of a mentality. And since I'm in no rush to achieve greatness, when I call myself a comedian it will be a marker that I set for myself and crossed. Yes, anyone who gets on a stage is a comedian cause they entertained with laughter.(we are assuming the world is perfect and that same person got up and killed) But, for me, being a comedian will come when I feel like I'm always putting forth the best set(no matter how long) I can. No use in being a comedian, if I'm not going to be known as a funny one. I think you'd all agree. So here's to rockin' people's socks off!
Emergence Day is coming. November 12th. Gears of War. If you don't know what that means, then google it.
I'm interested to see what this open mic at the Richmond FunnyBone will be like. I was there when that FunnyBone first got built cause I went to school there. It seemed like a cool open mic, but that was like two years ago and we all know how things can change. Let's just hope they give me a chance. I've been off stage for like 4 days and it feels like I haven't performed in a month. But, oh. Oh, D.C. comedy scene. When I come back I will have genitals dipped in gold... or at least a refreshed attitude that will hopefully help me enjoy myself to the fullest when I hop up onstage. I had sex last week in case I did not mention. That's just a fun little fact.
It's a shame that Rascals closed down, cause I would have liked to Rocky 2 that place. Movie buffs will understand. Even though I was more like Tommy Gunn than Rocky Balboa. But F*ck it, even Tommy Gunn deserves a rematch. IN HELL! Cause he's got AIDS(don't worry about that being too soon, cause he's had AIDS for a while now:) Well, I guess I'll be going and I will write back when I have more juice tomorrow. Peace and love people, and live it up tonight. Halloween only comes once a year. So, take it your bedroom and butt f*ck this holiday like you won't see it again for another year. Remember last time you saw it... you don't.

Friday, October 27, 2006

A New Day

Well today is a lot more peaceful and happy day then yesterday. I got over the bitterness of what happened shortly after getting that last blog out of my system and moved on. I wrote a lot last night and it continued into the morning. I'm very excited to share it with everyone....Eventually.
When I think about writing I sometimes battle with originality. Not that I can't think of something original, but that I try so hard to talk about something different that I miss the basics. I would like to be able to tell a story that flows like when the greats do. In my mind I don't think that fame is the reason that people can tell a story and get non-stop laughter. There is proof of it all around this DC/VA/MD scene of comedy. Sometimes you have to touch on a similar topics and if you never allow people to see that you actually live, then your missed something. I see that now and am trying to steer my newer bits in that direction. And then there's the subject of who, exactly, I am. My mother told me that she didn't see any of me in my performance at Rascals. She might be right. We all have routines that we believe help us to succeed. Whether they work or don't, or are illegal, they are what we do to feel confident enough to perform at our top level. I strayed from a lot of things and when my mindset was different so was my delivery. I didn't have one sip of beer(little significance), left my lucky black hat at home(cause Nelson wanted me to match and wear a brown version)(and yes, I have more than one version of the hat at my disposal, I like the Black ONE), and most importantly, I had no weed(huge difference in my chi). I am not proud of these but they are what I do. They are what puts me at ease and hopefully we all have something very similar. Like a lucky pair of draws that are now just a string that goes from the taint almost all the way to your right testicle. You know?.... moving on. I now feel like rather than relying on better improv skills, I'm trying to blend improv and actually writing my material in my natural voice. We'll see. Well, that's all for today and I'm sure that Saw 3 will rock when I see that tonight. Sunday I'm trying to get on Comedy Spots stage to test this mutha out. I gotta make a good tape at something soon. Otherwise, I might have to find out I didn't get in to the DC ComedyFest again this year. And, while I have a video of the Factory, I want something more recent that I feel really sums up my act to date. Later everybody....

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Terror in Baltimore?!

Well, last night I went to the Rascals showcase. It was quite the experience for me. I can't say that I enjoyed it and let me go into detail as to why. I hope that I haven't forgotten anything cause it was such a "Piece-o-SHIT" that I don't want to mess this story up. As you can see I took it a little personally.
I got there and immediately noticed that I didn't know anyone there. With the exception of Mark Burnette and Jon Mumma who was hosting. I was like "who the fuck are these people and where do they come from. It's almost like there are 300 "comedians" who come out of the woodwork whenever something is going on in Baltimore. There are actual comedians but a lot of these people clearly have done comedy like 3 times in the last 4 years and are still calling themselves comedians. It's not fair to the people that are out there at the open mics honing their skill to drop bombs. So.... back to me and the other 20 generic Def Jam wannabe comics. Don't get me wrong, there were a few that I saw that I like but I'm too bitter to dwell on their skill right now. The audience was mostly black but the problem was that they are the type of audience that has always intimidated me and I always fear what might happen if I got on Comicview cause of these people.
I went up to the stage with confidence since that last couple of weeks I've done alright for myself. Did not matter. The second that I opened my mouth these people didn't like me. They actually heckled me. A lot. I have a tape but I did not put it online cause it wouldn't help anything and it would just piss me off the more that people watched it. Might be the only thing people that actually gets viewed on my site though. My mother was there(not that I wanted her to be, but it was a shitty bringer show) and had to watch these inconsiderate fucks that actually came with comedians berate me. I wanted to ask what comedian brought these hecklers but was too enraged. I give myself 5 stars for professionalism though. I did my time and dealt with them a couple of times, but kept my cool and moved on. Their behavior was so unacceptable that I can't even find the words for it. The crowd wasn't interested in what kind of joke writing I might have brought to them. As even Mumma said, they just like masturbation jokes and the dirtier the better. And, they want slang. They got neither from me, but the thing that kills me it that it was not a competition. If they didn't like me then they could have shut the fuck up but instead they turned the whole night ugly for one young black comic.
So, then they boo and cheered when I said that I was getting off for the icing on the cake. So, of course there's no handshake from Mumma on my way to the seat that I had in the back. One audience member decides to be a rebel(and yes, he was white) and tell me that he loved my jokes and tried to make me feel better. Luckily, he was seated pretty close to my mom so she might have heard that the whole crowd wasn't a victim of the dreaded G.E.D. A comedian that I did not know gave me the typical "good set" but at this point I was in no mood for making nice with anyone. My mother left and checked to make sure that I was okay. That hurt only cause she had to witness that, not cause I bombed. I was so embarrassed for her. I pray that she doesn't have to see me perform again for a long time. So, that was my experience, and I didn't have any weed that whole time. As you can imagine I was extra pissed simply cause I was sober for the whole thing. My mistake though. So now I feel friendless and alone but you know what.... I don't care. Can someone make it in comedy without making a single friend? I really don't know but I imagine that it would be hard. To do that you would have to be undeniably funny and I'm trying hard to work at that. Making forced friends isn't me and to be honest, I'm an asshole. I'm sure I'll feel better when I've performed in Richmond over the next week. Tuesday- Open Mic at the Richmond Funnybone(why not right?), and Nov.5- rippin' the 9:55 club to fuckin' shreds. Laters people...

Monday, October 23, 2006

And when the room was silent enough... I farted.

Hello to the three or four of you bored comics that decide to read bloggings of your peers to pass your time. Last night I set out to write some comedy then perform at the Comedy Spot. Both weren't that hard a mission to accomplish, but I treated them with respect anyway. I wrote with Jermaine Fowler and it actually went pretty well. I got some good bits written down since I had to wait 45 minutes before Jermaine graced me with his presence. He was on C.P.T but I still love him anyway. He's one of the funnier new people that I've come across and I hope that others will agree if they get the chance to see him perform. My set last night was, as usual, riddled with new things for everyone to point and laugh at. They did... a little. I give it a 7.5. There was definitely room for improvement but the crowd was thin and the audience that was there was cool but it's hard for 5 people to make someone feel like they've killed. But, if you did kill in a room full of 5, you either are the man, or your lying to yourself. I try my best to honest with myself, otherwise I'd be impossible to live with. With ego comes muscle, and a witch told me that one day, if I allow my ego to get too big, that I would destroy the world with my hulk like strength. I don't want to kill people, my modesty is the only thing keeping this society together. Modesty, and the Loch Ness Monster. But no one must ever know of Nessy's good deeds. Last night I had Coldstone Creamery Ice Cream for the first time. Like when I first penetrated, I'm sure that I'll never forget that moment. I knew that I was in for a good thing when she asked me if I wanted my three scoops to be mixed. I was like sure, and she went to work like she was making a pizza. I could tell that they put love in their ice cream and that would be the difference. Unfortunately, I may be lactose intolerant. At least that's what the car ride home lead me to believe. I couldn't wait to share my "new cologne"(fart joke) with my roommate when I got home and luckily there was still a couple of sprays left when I walked in the door. He was pleased, and disgusted. Jerry Thomas and I have started a merger and it could be deadly. The NEW Ebony and Ivory. But he's dressing up in black face and I'm gonna put powder all over myself and that's how we'll rock the house. It may never happen, but if it does, look out for a hate crime. Aparna was lovely enough to host last night. Patricia Berrigher must have been sick because she and Jimmy are the only ones I've seen host there. But Aparna is the woMAN, and dance that microphones clothes right off. And we all got to watch. Plus, she called me her friend when intro-ing me. We all do, but I always knew that deep down, way under that act of being too cool, and quips, she likes me too. I was planning on going to Soho but looks like I'll be passing on that one tonight. By the way, tomorrow night, check out Ned Devine's. I dug it so much last week that I just might have to come back and check out the show tomorrow. Wednesday is the dreaded bringer showcase at Rascals. I'm trying to be positive and just focus on rockin' the mic. Little hard though, considering I'm probably wasting time. We'll see I guess. Laters.....

Friday, October 20, 2006

By the way, we're at Blog #103 now!

I forgot to celebrate a little while ago so better late than never. Love it. Well, today is the day that I go out. I'm very paranoid just cause I know what type of situation that this is gonna turn out to be. Right off the bat yesterday I found out that I'm the only guy from work going to this thing. I like how everyone acts like you should have known they weren't gonna go when you ask them about it. "You going tomorrow?" "Nah, why?....oh, your going?" And that is where we pick up. I know that since I don't know anyone I'm gonna be quiet and something will go horribly wrong. Like I won't be able to get to my car when I'm ready to leave. Or I lose something or get in trouble. That's just my luck people. I did not get the chance to go to Topaz last night. No time for me. That's cool though. I'll just have to bum-rush a stage and take that bitch hostage. Don't know when, and definitely don't know where. But I will. I love to make sentences that are only like 3 words long, in case no one noticed. I know that I do that and wanted others to know that it's on purpose. I'm not retarded. There it is again. Three word sentences are blunt and very to the point. Redundant. I'm really enjoying this new Dolce and Gabbana cologne that I bought. It's about as close to the real AXE effect as your gonna get. Men, that was a tip for you. Buy it....NOW. Fridays Fridays Fridays, I'm actually turning into quite a big fan of Mondays. For no apparent reason. I feel a little less respect for myself for doing another Bringer show. No legitimate person is doing them. But, if this is the road of shame I must hike to get someone to notice me, then damnit, I better smear honey on my body so they never forget seeing the guy who got eaten by a bear when he walked the road of shame to get someone to notice him. Whew.... the last sentence was an exercise. Breathe, Breathe, Breathe. I think that might have spent me so let me go live a little bit, and on Monday all 3 of us can catch up on what the other people are doing. See you two readers later.... and hey, thanks for stopping bye ;)

Thursday, October 19, 2006


For fun I was just visiting people myspace pages and leaving comments and messages. I don't normally do this, but today I remembered how glad I feel whenever see that I have a message or a comment. I like friend requests too but that's not the point of the story. So once all my messages had been delivered I looked at my top 12( now it's 8). I decided it was time to refresh that and keep stuff current. I found that with the exception of my two ace "Homies", no one had me in theirs. In the most immature of ways this can hurt your feelings. It feels incredibly stupid but it's the truth. So what can you do other than take them off yours and replace them or continue to be pathetic. So I took em' off. But since they took you off theirs, that means they will never know they weren't on your top list anymore, cause they didn't like you in the first place. It's a vicious circle. I have some serious issues with making one true friend in comedy. Everything feels so forced that even if I wanted to hang out with someone, it would be awkward and so I stand alone. "God please, send me just one comic, who I can have as a friend. Let HIM be funny, almost exactly like me, but with a different approach onstage. And let him be well liked so that all the cool kids will shit themselves when they realize what a good thing they missed." Okay now that I've dealt with that like a 3-year-old I can move on. I still mean it though God. I still mean it.

And the chicken left behind was stew....

Just seemed like a creepy title, if you think about it, it's kind of sad. But that's life. Yesterday I did nothing as usual. But tonight, it should be good fun at the Topaz. Drinks, smokeys, women(maybe 2), comics, it's gonna be a ball.
Tomorrow night it's off on an adventure. I really don't get out much and honestly don't have much interest in clubbing, strip clubs, or bars. Unless there's some comedy going down inside. Strip club comedy has got to pick up more of a fan base. So anyway.... Tomorrow I'm going out with several people to limo ride around and visit club after club. Never done it before but now that I have no girlfriend, I lost the good excuse that came along with her. I used to just tell people that I was doing something with her, which was generally the truth. After a while you get used to saying no. Not that she was controlling, I just like to sit at home. But now whenever someone asks, I realize that I have no reason to say no. So I'm definitely getting out a lot more lately. I'm really just happy to be getting out and on stage a lot more lately. The last week has been good and full of performances. And I guess that's the way that it should be. I felt alive getting up that much in a week. And that's what I've read is average for a comic starting out. I had a few good, and I definitely bombed like Hiroshima at Topaz last week. But, I'm trying to make that right as I continue on my quest of chuckles. I have to say that I think the goal of finding my true voice onstage is not far off. I felt probably the most comfortable I ever had talking on Tuesday at Ned Devine's. Just felt right. Now I just have to capture that on a completely separate occasion to make sure I can control this beast. What good is having a fucking Comanche' Tiger( a.k.a. skills on the mic) if you can't get that bitch to rip somebody's arm off at will. Gotta go, but from now on when I get onstage and scream "Get that bitch Sheeba" you'll know what I mean. Laters......

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Ned and I had a good ol' time...

Well, last night went well. I took a ride over to Ned Devine's where it was a cool atmosphere. I walked in and this is the list of cool ass folks that I me:(in order of appearance to me) Marshall Henry, Sean Gabbert, Jay Hastings, Jared Stern, Jessica Paquin, Erin Jackson, Kojo Mante, Norm Wilkerson, Hampton Yount, and the one the only Rob Maher. It was cool. The crowd at most was like 20 or so but it looks a lot smaller cause the place was actually a really good size. When words gets round' and people fill that place it's going to be a really hot place to perform. I dug it and tried to take advantage of the enormous space that was laid in front of me. I'll give my performance a 8, why not...8.5. I had fun and I got laughter in the places that I wanted it for the most part. Doesn't matter how big they are, just that they laughed. It was great to see a lot of those guys perform since most of them had completely new stuff since I heard them last. I dug it. Drank a lot and tipped my waitress huge cause it was a good night and the Miller Lites always tasted as they should. Like Miller Lite. After the long drive home I decided to go pig out on Wendy's. Always feels good when a single person can spend $15 at Wendy's without trying. It's all in the right combinations. You should see how creative I can get at Burger King. I hate their fries and so I always have to go around them. Where you might get a meal, I get 3x 4 Piece Chicken Tenders and a Whopper with cheese, no onion, add bacon, large with a Chocolate Shake instead of a soda. That can get expensive. Especially when you toss in some Rodeo burgers just for fun. I smoke a lot, what can I say. Other than going to the Rascals BRINGER next week, I don't think I have a lot going on til' November. So now is the time to hit up the open mics. I'm really liking a lot of the new people I've met since diving back into this swimming pool we call DC Comedy. And for the record, I say that as comics we let respect knuckles take over where we once used to shake hands. Forget about how corny it can look and think on the 5 second too long struggles that you've mustered into a hand shake. Just think about it is all I'm saying. Talk to you guys tomorrow. And Aparna, since you wanted your time, I hope you appreciate this. "I saw Aparna at a store the other day while I was just driving around the tri-state area. She left a DSW and went behind a apartment building. I saw her conversate with a couple of males that would catch any security guards attention. Once they had exchanged DAP and Aparna turned to walk away, she turned back around and I saw her shot both of them several times. She stood over the bodies and reloaded yelling expletives and emptying out the clip. She spent the rest of that evening taking the pieces I saw her chop up, out to a lake in Waldorf, MD. The moral of this story is that what I saw that night gave me just a small glimpse of what this woman is capable of. Stay on her good side folks cause Aparna is no woman to be crossed. She is PURE EVIL! Fear her.
P.S.- She knows I love her.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

A Stranger from out of town....

So last night I went to Soho to do a little time. It was good and there wasn't huge audience so it was intimate. You have to admire how I worded that last sentence, I could have just said that there was a small crowd. It started okay and since I was third I got to soak up a few of the chuckles that were on their way home when others took to the stage. I give myself a 7 but there's a lot of bias behind that vote. I could be wrong. Maybe. Let me jump on Andy Haynes nuts for a second. He had a set last night that I enjoyed but there was one bit in peticular that I can't shake. His bit talks about the expressions "The shits about to hit the fan" and "I hate to beat a dead horse". I wrestled with trying to quote him in this blog to let everyone know, but ultimately I think it would only be done justice if you heard it whenever you run into him. I dig it, and I was saying it to myself during my mid-day smoking/go over set that I plan to do tonight break. I'm incredibly jealous and wish that I had thought of the joke. Right on to Andy.
Now about that stranger that I alluded to in the title. I happened to meet a comic from Detroit last night. He was there on a vacation/scope out the scene visit to D.C. He was cool and if he's reading, "What's up." But he criticized our scene and took some things away that bothered me. He had a pretty bad set and there wasn't a lot of audience there. He got upset when the comics weren't laughing and assumed that our cliqu-iness(boy I hope that's a word) was responsible for his laughter. Now while there is some problem with the grouping I think that he blew it out of proportion. He basically belittled our scene but out of respect and the fact that I'm non-confrontational, I played it down. It was interesting, that's really all I can say I guess but I'm under the assumption that if I went to another town I would be the most modest and complimentary person you'd ever seen. Just so that when I left people wouldn't have anything remotely bad to say. I think I speak for anyone that shared more than a moment with him when I say that if he was a guest in my home and he behaved that way, I would stab him. But my home is a little more personal than an open mic. I'm just saying he was a little rude.
Well tonight I'm going to Ned Devine's and hopefully I will rock that mutha. Coming off a good performance can't bring me anything but good juju. We'll do this thing tomorrow and who knows..... Something could happen.

Monday, October 16, 2006

2 more blogs til' we have something to celebrate...

Well if you guessed that we have two more blogs til' the magical 100th blog that will help usher in a new age of visual excitement. I have recently discovered a new formula for a sentence that will literally make you smell chalk. *Read this sentence aloud* "I accept Satan(Thank you Steve Drumm for correcting me cause I had Satin posted there for about a day or so), and all that he is responsible for. Hail Him!" Okay, that was stupid; I already knew it would be but what the F*ck right?
Tonight on the menu, there will be a feast at Soho. A performance is due and they shall have it. I was talking to a friend the other day and he told me that I write the exact same way that I talk. I was pleased to hear that(I guess) until he made a comparison. He told me that if his sister wanted to, she could write some very intelligent "400 year old woman". Those were his words. And while I knew what he meant, now I could only assume that I don't talk or write very intelligent otherwise wouldn't he have made that statement about me. It's hard having the world revolve around you but if you take the time, eventually there will be flying cars. At least there would be if the world revolved around me. I took that comment a little weirdly though cause I still don't think I do a great job of letting people hear me. I feel like people might think I'm out to shock or gross, when that is effortless and completely opposite of what I'm really trying to do. So I'm taking my time and trying to find my voice. By the way, it takes me like 15 min. (sometimes) to write this and people are really reading it in about 35 seconds. That seems incredible to me. Okay so maybe it's like 5 to 10 minutes but still. I gotta be going but remember..... nope, nothing.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

"Some of the best sex I've ever had was by surprise...."

Need I say more...Rape is funny to me. Moving on I guess. Yesterday I got down on some of my XBOX360 for a little before I went to bed. A guy started talking to me while I was playing billiards online. I didn't really have much to say to him cause he was a stranger. (Thanks for that lesson Mom)So I tried to stop talking to him and squeeze in a game of Madden before nighty night. What do you know, now he friend requests me. So I say yes. Then he invites me to a private conversation where, you guessed it, he also owns Madden 07. Great. I got stuck talking to a stranger, and more importantly, getting the crap kicked out of the Washington Redskins by the Chicago Bears. He also had quite and extensive knowledge of anything football. Which for anyone that knows almost nothing, can be a conversation killer. That's like when I start rambling out WWE wrestling, and you can see the person your talking to is looking around the room for something to jump chest first into. It's awkward is what I'm saying.
Tonight I will be hosting at Topaz so we'll see how that goes. I'm looking forward to it, mostly cause it's one of those occasions that I get to grab a mic and jump on a stage. But also cause being the host will allow me to go off page and just work the crizzy a little bit. That slang in the last sentence was for the word crowd. Now you all see why I make a horrible thug. Threatening phrases lose something when they have to be translated. Or maybe... maybe I just shouldn't explain it and then they'll be frightened cause I'm a gang member who's practically speaking Spanish while robbing them. I'll have to do some field work on that and get back to you when I have firm results...
This is a little short so let me see if I can muster up enough magic to bring this bitch on home. (Cough) (Cough) "If I had gills, I think it would be cool to hide in swimming pools and wait for someone to pee in the water. Right when I smelled, tasted, or felt the warmth of the urine I'd sneak up behind them. Before they were done I would take my thumb and try as hard as I could to shove it in their butt. It would be cool cause I'd never have to come up for air." That's the best thing that I could muster, tomorrow is a whole new bitch. But for today, let's treat this one with respect.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Call me happy...

Well yesterday was a bit of a weird day. But I'm happy to report that almost a year after some people experienced what I've called "Heaven", I have finally joined them. I'm not dead.... but I did take ownership of an XBOX 360 yesterday. Oh, the great feeling that you get when your killing zombies(Dead Rising) to the soundtrack of T.I. and Coldplay. People, I just can't shake this feeling of bliss. As you can imagine, this has made coming to work today very hard for yours truly. Well, I suppose that I should attempt to talk comedy for a minute.
Things will hopefully go smoothly as I go up at Topaz tomorrow. My new stuff has been going, pretty much, exactly as I would have hoped. And, I think that I'm getting better at not using my material like a script. Gotta be off the cuff sometimes. And, I'm finally going to get on stage what I would consider a decent amount of times, this week. It's been a while since I got to do Soho, so I look forward to Monday for that, and hopefully I'll get to hit Topaz, Comedy Spot, Ned Devine's, and some unknown Wednesday night open mic. Going back to what I was semi-bitchin' about in what I believe was the last blog...
I'm at the one year mark now and it's a little hard to judge where I should be right now. Many people that are where I would love to be say that the first year or TWO are just for making sure that your material is solid and most of all "as YOU, and as FUNNY as you can be!" But then, of course, everybody wants to get work and be in front of the real crowds that pay and give the big laughs for stuff you think is alright. Maybe that's the thickheadedness of all new-ish comedians. I certainly hope it is. People that are not part of THE ELITE, let me be a familiar voice of hope and realism. Yes, there are people that are(certainly for the moment) blessed and are either ridiculously talented and that got notice right away, or that got their foot in the gold plated door while you shoved yours in the door to the crackhouse. It's okay. I look at the Elite and see a goal. Not to belong, but to get as much out of this scene as possible. We all want to work the Improv and hopefully more of us will then we think. As long as there are weekends they might need someone to host...right? Then there are the comedians that are not in the elite but are still handling their business. Marshall Henry and Jimmy Meritt are the first two that come to mind. And this is a personal thing of mine....
I am not into bashing someone nor am I into hearing someone be overly critical of themselves. (As far as comedy goes) There has to be some level of confidence to this artform. No one wants to come out and call themselves the second coming of Sam Kinison, but realize that there is nothing modest or shy about getting on a stage and believing that you can make a room full of strangers laugh. I would like for anyone that's read this to do something for me: If you think you did well or killed after a set, paid or open mic(if you really think you've done some damage), walk past me and as you do...
1) Give up the respect knuckles. Cause all this handshaking is confusing and takes forever. I can throw out some respect knuckles with the quickness though. WORD.
2) Lean in and whisper "If your going up there tonight I can call an ambulance." I would be tickled and I think a little arrogance is missing around this fine corridor of the mid-Atlantic. Don't be afraid to get a little cocky and let your ass show a bit. We're supposed to be having fun right? Let's have some...Later.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Rock this Mutha!

So I'm going to take the arrogant road and say that I had my first victory at the Laughing Lizard. Not like I killed but I was pleased with the reception that I got and a little proud of my new stuff. Previously I gave myself a 1-2 and now I have withdrawn that victory. So the score was 0-3 and now I'm 1-3. Thems odds that I don't be needin'. But I will accept that number for now and watch it change as time goes by. For those that were there on Sat. night, I think it was a good show and the performances seemed to flow and go over pretty well. Yeah the crowd was a little mute but damnit they came, they came. As usual I was told that I was a little soft on the mic. I realize that this is a problem for me, but for some reason I've always gotten comfortable and just started talking like I'm having a conversation. I will fix this problem soon though, just have to keep telling myself to speak up. That'll work.
What would a good blog be without someone stepping on a soapbox for a second. If you are a comedian and you feel the urge to talk about other comedians, you should do it in a place of solitude. Several occasions arose that I've seen this in public and it makes the vibe a little awkward. I don't judge those who judge but it's weird to hear that and try to pick the conversation up with a "so....where the babes at?" That's all I'm saying. And it really makes the insecure boy inside me wonder if people dog me the same way. The man in me says yes, cause that's what people do, we all do it. But, I've accepted that and what can I say...I guess til' someone brings something to your face then you shouldn't let it bother you. So let's not. Let's all share this friendship balloon and ride that bitch like a fat girl that you don't respect. HARD and violent.
I did talk to the two young groupies that were there last week and yet again, I regretted that. Very nice girls but I mainly dealt with the blonde one with the face of a 15 year old. I did not go over there with the intention of hittin' on her. I went over cause she thought I might be able to help her find hash. I couldn't and once I explained that we made meaningless conversation for the next (I don't know but it felt like 45 minutes). Strangers have the weird tendency to spill their horrible stories with people, why? I don't know. But I get it a lot so I'm assuming that other people do. Cause I know that it can't be that I just have one of those faces. Most of the time I have the same expression on my face just so that I can throw people off when I don't care. But when I tell you that this girl lived a drama-action-feel good comedy of the year type life, believe it. Unless she just lies to be cool, this girl was a little messed up and hasn't said no to very much. Very much of anything. Then I made a break out cause my dog was cold and alone waiting for his general to get home. Well, tonight I'm taking it easy and tomorrow it's off to Sterling to check out Rob Maher's new open mic. I'll just be watching for all the other people just there for support. But next week, I'm up in the that bizzy. Later ya'll...

Friday, October 06, 2006


It's a new song b Xzibit and I kinda dig it. Just wanted to throw that out there. For those of us that are hooked on video games, you should know that I will be buying my XBOX 360 within the next week and to watch your backs when your online. My warning is not that of arrogance, but a warning of mercy. You've been warned. I'm excited about the Laughing Lizard tomorrow cause I know I'm getting on and I can't wait to grip that iron dic once more. Yes, I spelled that wrong on purpose. Simpleton. Kidding. Getting back to the subject, I notice that there are some that have been reading this, to you I say, "thanks". When I looked and saw that I got bumped down the list, I have to admit that it hurt the old pride for a second. I can't control the ego, all I can do is live with it and pray that it spares peoples lives. It's a monster,and that was a pretty fierce kick to it's groin. I liked that blog yesterday. I see that I'm the only one, but it tickled me and when I read it aloud I began to like it more. I hope a least someone else felt that way.
Last night I decided to stay at home and have some needed me time. It was good and I watched Lucky Number Slevin for the umpteenth time. I never get tired of a good Kansas City Shuffle. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you need to go watch this movie so you can begin to live. Live in our world. The strawberry yogurt is free in our world and we need your help eating all of it. Doesn't that sound good? Go rent or buy the movie then.
I think that a video blog would do some good so that's exactly what I'm supplying for Monday's entry. Perhaps more of my humor would go high-fived if you could see me saying this, as opposed to possibly offending. I'm looking forward to it and now, maybe you are too. See you in Alexandria if your there. And with all the names on the list, you probably will be. LATERS........

Thursday, October 05, 2006

If a smile could kill...

If smiles could kill I'd let my joy rain down on everyone.
I would walk down the street and keep my hard face on, until I saw a pretty person
Then let my happiness peel the skin from their very face.
Ah, what a magical day that would be.
If smiles could kill I'd smile for two,
But when mine starts killing, I'm smiling at you.
Let your smile forcefully take the clothing from a fellow inmate
and when he's nude, let your smile penetrate him without love or respect
Don't be afraid of this smile.
When he begs to be killed after your smile has had it's way with him,
Let your smile grant his wildest wish.
Take the very 9mm of your smile and set the barrel right behind his ear...
Then SMILE, smile his brains all over the new copy of X:3 that your never going to watch because of how they butchered the comic that I SO LOVED..."Sigh"
I smile at them too!
Let that be the message of the day, and hey, I love you...

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Hardest Part....

Well, I really don't have too much to report except that I went to Nanny O'Briens on what I am calling the closed for business tour. Yet another time when I've gone somewhere and they have told me that there was no reason to even get out of my weed-smoke filled apartment and drive down there. I have gotten a pretty keen sense of D.C. and that is a plus to all this "touring". I haven't gotten lost once in the past few weeks that I've been on my own on the road. October and Novembers schedule gives me hope since I know that I'm going to be performing certain nights, cause this shit is a crap shoot. Really. I must find some way to make myself stand out. Perhaps a vicious scar going down the right side of my face. But then there's the problem of wanting to sexy when I'm in my ordinary day to day tasks. Well...there must be sacrifices...right? Oh God it's too late... THAT WAS FUN, BUT BACK TO MY BLOG.
I will be seeing those of you that decide to go to Topaz tomorrow and who knows, maybe Curt's in the mood for a good BJ. And maybe, I'll find the cheapest hooker I can afford to give it to him. Ah, to live in a world of maybe. Saturday it looks like it's gonna be Ryan Conner, Bird Knight, Brandon Ivey, Lance Smith, and of course...yours truly. So far, I'm going to be nice, and say that my score at the LL is 1-1 but really it's probably more like 0-2. But, I'm giving myself credit for showing up like in the SAT's. So, I'm hoping that I'll rep-it-right and walk away with one of the comic groupies that were hanging out after the show. Ask Jacob Young, Tyler S., Tim Miller, and Herbie(Johnny) Gil. I think they can vouch for the grade of underage beauty that I'm referring to. Picture a cute 16 year old that just told you she's 20. You should just about have it. By they way, I'm kidding about the groupies. For those of you that know I'm no longer with who many would refer to as "that hot blonde girl". I'm enjoying time with myself. Not even temptations of the flesh can mess with that...for long. Well, I'm off to my package dealer's house. The world awaits....

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A little late

Well last night I went to Soho and got there a little late. {Excuse Me, I have to share what was indeed the gayest moment of my life) So Justin Schlegel was at the Laughing Lizard and I was so excited that he spoke to me that I got a little carried away. He tapped my arm and I did some kind of barely-miss-his-penis good luck tap. It was awful and we both paused like "that had to be an accident". It was awkward. It ran through my mind several times today, and all I can do is laugh. Moving on...

I got there late and had to watch so I got to see a lot of newbies from the DC Improv class. It was okay. There were a few of them, whose names escape me, that were quite funny to me and Chris Barylick rocked the house in rare form last night. By the way, he smokes the slowest cigarette I've ever seen. Love ya Chris. So, I left a little early with my hetero partner Nelson, and went to pick up my packages from my package dealer. Mmmmm... sorry. I didn't mean to have Nelson there for so long cause the situation is awkward enough, but we ended up being there for several hours. But seeing as the package dealer has a room decorated like a 10 year old still in love with Dragonball Z, Nelson was able to achieve comfort. And the second hand smoke probably helped him too. Just a feelin'. Today it's off to Cafe Japone, I think. Unless I fall in love with the idea of sittin' on my ass. But, last week I drove up there only to find out by two Japanese bartenders laughing at me, that there was no open mic. Hopefully all those issues have been resolved, cause I'm dying to get on the mic. All this watching just makes me really anxious to see how my new material will be received. Time will tell, but for now.... Later.

Monday, October 02, 2006

My handicapped joke got cut off at the knees?!

Well last night was a time for reflection. I came to the stage with nothing on my mind to talk about and said, "I'll just wing this shiduzie!" That's exactly what I did. For a while, the comedy spot crowd showed some pretty hardcore love. But then I left room for judgment and cast out a joke that they threw right back to me. Boy that room got quiet quick, I just thank GOD that it was my last joke of the night.
Overall the night wasn't too bad. I saw some great sets from comedians that I knew and ones that were a rather fresh face for me. Congrats and shout-outs to Jimmy Meritt/Leslie, Aparna, they other black guy that went right after me(who was extremely funny to me), Jerry Thomas and all the others. I almost wanted to get a copy of the show so I could see my set again. I threw myself against the black(what appears to be a wall)wall but that was an optical illusion made by Curt Shackelford. That makes the score 1-0 CURT. We'll see how the game concludes...with DEATH! or maybe not. Feels good to be getting these thoughts down on blogs again. I've missed the strange inner dialogue that proceed my sentences. No hears it but me, and it allows for a thought to grow to a set like every good thought dreams of at the end of their LIFE(?) Well I'll write back tomorrow cause I plan on swingin' by Soho on this quest for acknowledgement within a group of my peers. Plus, it felt really good to get up there last night after many attempts that ended in me watching. Well folks, til' tomorrow then....

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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