On Friday I attempted to go on a date, but instead ended up on a weird double-non- indecisive- dating- “Thing”, it was that kind of night. It starts with a haircut and ends with a very high viewing of Horton Hears a Who. I really don’t even feel like going through the entire story so let’s do a highlight thing: When getting ready for a date with my new “Miss” , traffic was kind of a bastard and not cooperating with me at all. All I wanted to do was get a haircut and then get on with my night. I send out the text “How much time do you need to get ready?” Plans have changed now, she picked up her gay best friend because she thought I was standing her up. I wasn’t too upset, I need to pick up Mary (wink) at a friend’s house. I think that date is over so I proceed to plan a guys night… she calls back and still wants to work out plans. I really didn’t want to wheel along for the gay version of Three’s Company, but I actually like her so… I grab my Nelson and head for Fairfax. Nelson is not gay but a friend willing to shield me from some of that while I get my mack on, oh slang. I’m very down with people being gay or anything they want to be, doesn’t bother. They thought I might be homophobic since I fought coming out a bit. I’ve seen plenty Sex and the City which makes me hip, and perhaps that pretty show with pretty people got my mind in the wrong place. I was expecting a gay man that could possibly turn a straight man. But that fairy tale was shattered and raped when I saw a very unattractive man with boobs standing next to my date. I almost felt gay because I judged him quicker than most women probably judge men, and felt bad that he wasn’t prettier for Nelson. Not in a gay way, but I did bring the Asian out and “for that?!” The place we all met at was pretty “Skeevy” so we booked it to a place I’d heard of… Fast Eddie’s. I thought that this place was going to be the Chuck E. Cheese’s of pool halls but “OH” I was mistaken. We were greeted by a hostess that anyone would kidnap just to spend time with. She walked us back to our table where skinheads were playing on the table next to us. A Filipino, a black TRich, black woman, and her gay-UGLY-chubby black man friend… I could smell confrontation even though it couldn’t be seen. Fortunately, I was wrong and they allowed us to play untouched by a fist of judgement. On several occasions I saw “the gay friend” dance: Beyonce’s Put A Ring On It, I’m every woman (Capella), Britney Spears (a song I’m not familiar with), etc… needless to say, I was pretty focused on the actual pool game. Did I mention I suck at pool? Found out my new woman-friend is not an alcoholic, one drink and the grinding begun. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. At some point they wanted to go “clubbing” which is not really my thing. They both got really excited when the idea got brought up and threw the energy ball over to me. I killed the energy ball with a blunt statement:
Woman: “You wanna go to DC and hit up some bars and clubs?”
That was it, and I had to turn and whisper to Nelson not to burst into laughter.
Sunday I went to Ben’s Chili Bowl, appearance aside, that is the best damn chili dog I’ve ever had in my life.
24” rims… just thought I’d remind some of you what ballin’ starts with.
Last Friday my section went out to Red Lobster. A woman in my dwindling little group was telling me she always wanted to try lobster, I told her to jump on it, we had the perfect opportunity to try something. She didn’t want to waste her meal, she proposed I give her some of my lobster. I told her, flat out, I would not be sharing any of my food. I don’t even share/ eat after/ split my plate with my mother, I’m not even considering anyone else’s germs. You want fries get fries, get it? The whole meal (and I had the ULTIMATE FEAST, so it was a long meal) she made cute comments about how great it would be to have some. I laughed and stuffed my face more. Someone tried giving advice on how to eat Snow crab legs, she used the phrase “if you wanna let me get one I’ll show you how I do it…” I replied “Oh, no thanks, I got this…” The story took a twist when Secret Santa came around. The first woman who wanted the lobster was my Santa, she got me everything I asked for and spent more than the limit we set for everyone in the group. I felt like a d*ck, cause I was one. I tried offering some Cheesecake, but it was too late.
Today, I am at work. I have never wanted to roll over and go back to sleep so bad in my life. I’ll make it, we’ll make it.
Tropic Thunder is the most quotable movie of the year. As an example I simply bring up that the Fowlest and I have been texting quotes from the movie for over a week now. “I’m a lead farmer muthaf*cka!”
Favorite Line of the Week:
“We should call in sick tomorrow, you can stay in bed. I’ll come over and cook for us and then we can go back to bed and you can show me some movies. We’ll run around without clothes and take your dog for a walk… What do you think?”- Woman talking to TRich.
You have to know the response: “Hmm, oh you were serious? I’ve already got a lot of leave being used over the next couple of months so I can’t. Sorry, maybe in February…”- TRich , a spontaneous gentleman
Babygirl, from the summertime, is back… and gained weight. Thanks Jesus!
Kevin bought Nelson and I “DAS BOOTS!!!” like in the movie Beerfest. It took a six-pack to fill Nelson’s boot. I had to work today so declined to get alcohol poisoning on a Monday night. Nelson was completely wasted by the time that boot was half gone. He finished it, and passed the f*ck out. Merry Christmas Nelson.
February, Richmond Funnybone… thank God.
Today was the first time I had to say this in my life: “I can’t come over there just yet, (why) because I was having some memories that were a little graphic and I need a minute...” Not that I should have to say why I couldn’t stand up, but I was thinking of getting a good JOB done… on my wenis.
I think for someone with wandering eyes like me it’s best to fake astigmatism early into relationships. I can’t stop looking at asses. I’m like some wolf that’s thin and starving, all I want to do is bite something. (Howl’s at the moon from his cubicle)
In case I don’t get to say it, Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays to everyone! Peace and happiness are all I wish for you guys and let’s see what 2009 smells like. Bet it smells like Beefaroni…
A THING THAT HAPPENED - I don’t usually write sincere posts on here, but “here goes” or whatever “people” “say” “anymore”. And this is not about my secret Scientology past (oops!)...
2 years ago