Chris Brown: Posterboy for a new generation

Maybe it’s just me, but has anyone else had the urge to listen to Chris Brown now that he’s “in deep $#!T?” I can’t get enough, who is the one person who benefited from that beating (other than Rihanna, who I’m sure will have a song about being strong and getting bit the f*ck up while R&B’s prince reigned down thunder) … that would be Michael Phelps. He’s not in the papers anymore, perhaps now people and companies he is endorsing realize that he could have been doing worse things than holding a bong. Snoogins.

Off the Wall tonight in Queen Anne’s Hall at UMD! What more need be said? I’ll be naked, there now will you come. Do you want blood? What more could you ask for, there will be students, laughter, hot chicks and a naked black guy who juggles balls of yarn… what? I already told you I would be naked. The rest of my juggling routine is bulletproof.

“What do you like most about older women?” Well, I like the fact that an older woman will undress a man with her eyes and make it painfully obvious that f*cking is on her mind. I don’t like to hunt, but I can follow directions.

I learned the other day that I don’t care about this blog as much as I thought I did. I wrote an entire entry, went searching for one of those priceless Internet pictures to sum it all up and deleted it on accident. I prayed that blogger saved it for me, it didn’t. I don’t save things on my hard drive at work, don’t know why because I’m definitely not supposed to type “this”. The blog (an extremely long one might I add) was lost. Breaks my heart, but I’d rather bang that crazy mom with 14 kids sans rubber before writing that again. So, I had to wait a couple of days to build the strength for this back up. I had to eat a banana this morning, “keep your potassium kiddies!”

I love Lil Wayne’s music, but looking at him (which they rarely give you a very good look, he’s generally moving or something) is a lot like looking at an uncircumcised penis in porn… I cringe every time.

Students leaving for the weekend saying “good-bye” to professor:
Male 1: Have a great weekend!
Professor: You too, thanks.
Female 1: Bye, hope you have a great Valetine’s Day!
P: You too, thanks.
TRich: Alright, give me an “A” on that paper this weekend…
(awkward look up from the professor)
P: Um… if you earn it, no problem Deaven (remember that’s my name).
TRich: I’m kidding, I just had to try a little subliminal messaging. But hey…
P: Yes Deaven…
TRich: I want that “A”.
End

I hope the awkwardness of that translated, because there was nothing charming about that moment. I think I scared my older white teacher. Hope I scared her enough for that “A”.

That’s IT! It’s been brought up many times but I need to know before I lose my mind. “How are white women getting all these curves, what did they start eating?” Somebody knows something and isn’t talking. Mary Tyler Moore did not have jiggle and shake in the back like the little white women that walk past me all day. This may seem arrogant, but could they be eating greens and getting thick because they know I’m an ass man? It could be…

For the past couple of days I’ve been going to the bathroom like the bird at the end of Scary Movie 2 (I will let those remember be included, if you didn’t see it what the f*ck are you doing with your life). I haven’t really done anything differently for the past couple of days but I have been shopping on http://www.overstock.com/. I came to the conclusion that Overstock gives you explosive diarrhea.

If you could put thought bubbles over people’s heads there is no way I would ever be able to stand within 100 feet of a fine woman. There are some Chris Brown like fantasies in there that are private… oh God, I’ve said too much.

Chris Brown v. Bobby Brown: Bobby Brown ruined Whitney Houston’s career, Chris Brown left bite marks all over Rihanna’s arm and fingers. Bobby Brown once feared Osama Bin Laden would take time out of his schedule, of running in the mountains, to kill him. Chris Brown pulled his Lamborghini over to have an argument with Rihanna, a confrontation ensued. Bobby Brown once used his thumb to help Whitney poo because she had a nug way too big for her brown eye to squeeze out (I am not making that up, they talked about it on one episode of “Being Bobby Brown”). Chris Brown has been publicly threatened by Jay-Z (which is childish, “You betta than that Jigga, you betta”) over beating seven shades of $#!T out of Rihanna. Bobby Brown is probably smoking crack cocaine right this moment. Chris Brown is sewing his asshole shut. The winner: Give it up for the “KING of R&B” Bobby Brown! (Whitney Houston did refer to Bobby Brown as the Ko&B when presenting him with an award within the last decade)

And now for your moment of ze… that phrase is taken. Never mind, here (http://www.latinoreview.com/ has the exclusive fan review from someone that has seen the Watchmen):

There were approximately 200 people at the screening.

1. No Black Freighter, although we do catch glimpses of the newsstand and the kid who reads the comic, but only briefly.

2. The ending is different, no squid. I was one of the people who never really cared about squid/no squid, but I feel the ending will work better for mainstream audiences that have never read the book.

3. They do not imply a sequel anymore than the book does...

4. The montage covering the heroes of the past is done exceptionally well, and was longer than I expected. Allows the audience to understand that this is an alternate version of the past and everything they know should be thrown out the window.

5. It is dark, but not the stark realism that fills the Dark Knight. The Watchmen reality is a little more surreal in its feel, like a dream. It really has the feel of the comic in it.

6. Look for the cameo by Snyder's son. He also played young Leonidas in 300.

7. It was fantastically close to the book; even the framings of shots were lifted directly from the book.

8. Jackie Earl Halley is the shit in this. He IS Rorschach.

9. This movie is gory. I'm a gore hound and I was surprised at how graphic some scenes were. Really had people squirming.

10. NAKED Sally Jupiter. (CORRECTION NAKED Silk Spectre)

11. Only character I didn't like was Veidt/Ozymandias. I thought the actor was weak.I have to say Snyder knocked this one out of the park. There is some gruesome, brutal stuff here that is hard to watch. The fight scenes are awesome, and, like in 300, Snyder continues the use of ramping the frame rate to accentuate the movements of the characters. I knew there was going to be some slo-mo, but I didn't think he overdid it. All in all, fans of the book are going to more than pleased with the film. For a book that was for years considered un-filmable, he certainly managed to hit almost every beat and did not compromise any of the material (except for the squid).

So there you have it folks, breaking news once again brought to you by yours truly. I cannot wait for the films release; it will definitely up the ante for comic book adaptations in the future.