A true story...

Gather children, for the story you are about to hear is completely true. You might notice that I have removed names from last week’s blog that way I can share a story about this weekend completely free of guilt. Our story begins on Friday night during the last show of the evening…

The headliner wants to do a shot, everyone raises their glasses and “cheers” were all around. Then came time for the second shot, I do not know if it came from the staff or from one of the many black people that he joked with. You see, even though he made a lot of stereotype jokes the black people all loved him; all but Jerome (that’s not really his name, but I don’t know it and I wanted to give him one). After the second shot things got pretty bad, I’m sure we’ve all gotten a peek at someone too drunk onstage and seen what it can become: Slurred words, forgetting jokes mid-joke, disorientation and even moving from conversation with the crowd mid-sentence. I can’t say it wasn’t somewhat enjoyable to watch but still, we’ve seen this before (some have even been the drunk… this guy). At one point he pulled his pants down, to his shoes exposing tighty whiteys, and I decided to get up go pee then. When I came back it was business as usual, but what blew me away was I felt like the only one that knew he was drunk. No nervous eyes darting around, no one really whispering “This guy is drunk” or anything like that. Then, somewhere around the time he should have been coming off, Jerome snapped and had enough. I’m going to put this in quotes but I’m paraphrasing; “Man you suck, this is terrible and you gay as f***!” This comment was met with “What do you do for a living?” Jerome didn’t care to answer that question though, I can only assume it’s because no one paid to see him do his job that night. The more they shot back and forth, the more Jerome said “YOU GAY! And you not funny!” which only made the comic say gayer things. I believe his response to “I’ma stick this bottle up your ass!” was “Oh yeah, well sing to me while you do it.” Sadly, that did make me laugh, it still does. A little more back and forth and now things are getting really awkward. Suddenly the headliner gets really upset and tells Jerome he doesn’t like him and sticks two middle fingers high and screams “F*** you!” The crowd goes wild and I was shocked they were still with him but that was the most noise they had made in a half an hour. Then he says that it was a case of a black guy trying to intimidate the little white guy on stage but that wasn’t going to happen. At that point several of the black people that were in love with him looked in my direction; I shrugged my shoulders, I didn’t know him. I was getting that feeling like a fight might go down because neither had anything better to talk about and sure enough Jerome says “So you want to take this outside then?” The comic tells him “No I don’t want to fight, I’m gonna talk $#!T up here and probably go run to the Hyatt and hide.” I laughed, and so did the crowd, because though Jerome was not a big man he was winning the fight (physically) in everyone’s minds. I believe it was late so I’m not sure about this part; there was an attempt to move on by the headliner. If that happened it was only for a minute or less, but then things got worse. Drunken anger can strike pretty quickly and suddenly a penis came out, that is when Jerome threw a full bottle up onstage and the comic bolted out of there. I was sitting next to the stage as the lights went up and the comic raced past me. The crowd was not moving, so I went up and gave a little “thanks for coming out… uh, have a good night.” It was the most awkward experience I have witnessed yet, I’m sure there will be worse along the years but for now that takes the cake. I want to thank everyone that played a part in that funny memory I get to hold onto forever, from the person who bought the shot to whoever gave Jerome his Amstel Light.

Well, after that little diddy I think I shall work and do this blog thing again for real tomorrow. Daddy’s got a new card now so I should be getting around a lot more, at least enough that I don’t have to introduce myself to every comic when I see them. Tee hee.

Peaces