Black son of a b*tch...

Finally getting out of the light-less shack I call my bathroom, to the Arlington Cinema n’ Drafthouse. Should be fun, then Saturday I’m filling in for someone at the Comedy Factory… I’m happy. After such a staycation, it’s going to feel good to get some quality time alone with a stage and a microphone. I’m going to oil that mic stand up nice, then I’ll probably sit the microphone in the corner and make it watch while I do things to the stand. Oh, oh my God that’s naughty for a regular ol’ Thursday, but boys will be boys.

Men tend to fight around women, not to impress them, but because when a woman you’re sleeping with is around you feel invincible. That is, until some giant man that smells like a cheese factory is stomping on your hands trying to pry them from your jeans. Screaming “You thought you were a big man, well we’re about to have a little rape fight”, those words haunted me throughout the 10th grade… Rape fight.

Today is my supervisor’s birthday, no one has said happy birthday nor does anyone have anything special planned. She was supposed to be out of town but changed her mind. That’s all, just wanted to slow whatever was going on (hopefully chuckles over the words “rape fight”) and tap the snare drums.

Nelson actually stepped on George Muresean’s foot… and lived to tell the tale. It all started when a child traded a cow for a sack of jumping beans.

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I keep waking up with different bruises and cuts on my hands and “places”. The childish part of me wants to believe I’m secretly fighting crime at night. Which would explain why I never feel rested even when I go to sleep by midnight. Ah, it’s too hot today…

It’s so cold upstairs that I almost want to wet myself just for some soothing relief. Nah, maybe I’ll just go hug a fat girl. Just as warm, like getting a body BJ. If you have to ask, big man, you can’t afford it.

A year is not a long time, but imagine what could still get accomplished in this year. You could fall into the graces of the DC Improv, have a baby and hold it for a couple of months before 2010 or even die. How are you hoping your year turns out?

I wish they still made Binaca. How does the world’s second most popular brand of mace go out of business? The breath spray wasn’t bad either. But when I asked about where it was hiding in 7-ELEVEN, everyone laughed at me and made cruel jokes.

Perhaps five sausage links was too many… I wreak of swine. No Muslim would touch me like I am.

“Well, Simon’s taken all of the kitchen knives… oh God, he’s probably visited all of the local pet stores by now. It’s Arizona all over again!!” – The villain Killface

I’m doing a terrible job at fighting this sleep that has set in like wedgie… I’ve been caught by everyone but people of authority.

That’s today’s hoot, but I think I’ll make it two days in a row. No matter what there’ll be great fun to discuss whenever we speak.