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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

The Jankees!


State Theatre show on November 13, 2009. Doors open at 8, show starts at 9. Tickets are $11.00 and can be purchased online at http://www.thestatetheater.com/. The show will feature Will Hessler, Eli Sairs, Seaton Smith, Tyler Richardson and Jermaine Fowler! What would Jesus do?

So Keith (the comedian) and I went up to NY for this year’s Stand Up for Diversity auditions. We had a blast out there meeting new comic friends from all over and here are a few highlights from New Yawk City:

- Almost every woman in Manhattan was attractive, I say almost because there was the occasional midget. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
- The guy in line directly in front of me was wearing a turban. It took less than 10 minutes of arriving for the terrorist jokes to start, I did not partake. Too easy…
- I walked two miles (there and back) to enjoy Chipotle’s
- For (probably) the second time in my life, I drank a cup of coffee. It was free.
- Not only did I not enjoy the coffee, but it combined with the Chipotle and made me realize that I was going to have to make “stinky” in a public bathroom hundreds of miles away from home.
- I saw a bum literally chased out of McDonald’s by a manager that was more than ready to fight. She was about 5’3, pure rage.
- The same manager would kick it with TRich and Keith later and was really cool. Some people just know how to rub others the wrong way.
- A man in McDonald’s was really upset by rappers with fake jewelry. His friends would list rappers like: Fabolous, Young Jeezy and so on; he followed every name up with “Fugazi! Give me another one!” He was so angry I thought he might swing on one of his friends. It was interesting to watch.
- Back to the “stinky”: I wait in front of the bathroom door for what seems like an hour, it was probably 5 minutes, I had to drop something though. A woman comes out of the men’s bathroom, there was no one in the women’s bathroom. She was clearly dying her hair in the bathroom because she had fresh violet streaks in her hair. I go in the bathroom only to discover that she urinated all over the seat! I’m supposed to sit down after this?! So I grab the handi-bar on the wall, that is 1 inch away from the seat so I had a weird angle to hold myself at. I kept trying to reach out and touch the other wall to balance myself but that wasn’t going too well for me. When it was all over my thighs were as tight as a marathon runner and the place was a mess.
- About four Irish guys, middle-aged and pretty “portly” were walking drunkenly down the street. They walk past about 20 ethnic people, a lot of which are black males, and shout “Get out of our city N____!” Everyone was blown away by their boldness but no one is risking getting arrested over them. I still feel ashamed that no one crippled those bigots. Oh well, maybe one of them choked on a bad biscuit.
- A couple of homeless guys (they were nice to me so I don’t want to call them bums) approached a few of us while we were in the middle of talking. They ask Keith and a comic from Atlanta for cash, and got none. Then they turn to me and start casual conversation. They figured that we were all comics and immediately wanted me to tell them a joke. I give them this party joke, which I give to anyone that asks me to tell them a joke. They cut me off half way through and say “Wow, you got a beautiful voice. I bet you can sing can’t you?” I told them I think I can a little. They tell me that I can and then one of them starts singing “Doo Doo Doo Doo…” it went on for a little while at different octaves. Then he tells me to hold that note. I say that I don’t think I can. They step in my face and I notice Keith and the other guy move out of the way and now they are behind the two homeless guys. Not in a protective way, in a “I’m not getting raped beside him” type way. They start to touch my arms and I’m nervous. Then they demand I sing something and I ask other comics in line if I should. Then I sing an old Musiq Souldchild song “Reallove.” They liked it, one demands I sing “love” after that. I decline because the end is too high for me, which is true. Then, staring into my eyes, one of them begins to sing to me while they walk down the street finally leaving us. They continued to sing all the way down the block and stopped at the corner to finish the verse. I came within a cough of rape. Why I’m so irresistible to homeless men, I’ll never know.
- I had Popeye’s chicken. It was delicious.

The urge to move to NYC is strong, such a beautiful place, even at it’s ugliest. In the mean time, I’ll see whoever is at Hot Broth tonight. I’ve been writing a lot of new stuff lately and can’t wait to get it off my chest. Hopefully I can eek out a chuckle, it’s good for my self esteem. Snoogens.

Peaces

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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