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Monday, November 23, 2009

Meet Sasquatch

Sasquatch has been kind enough to sit down and give an interview. We have collected questions from several people online that we will ask here today among our set questions. We need not remind you that since he is accustomed to solitude, his social skills may not be what some would expect. But, no matter how it tastes, here is Bigfoot!

Sasquatch: It’s a pleasure to be here.
Tyler: Is there anything you wanted to say to those that have eagerly awaited your public debut?
S: Yeah, stop snitchin’.
T: Interesting choice of words.
S: Oh, and follow on twitter.
T: Let’s start with a fan question submitted to us online; Bobby Racter from Nevada asks “Dear Mr. Yetti, I’ve lived my entire life afraid to fly because I believe when I do you will be the captain and begin suicide bombing. Are you a pilot?”
S: That’s a good question Booby…
T: You mean Bobby.
S: Correct, Bobby you have every reason to fear me piloting a plane because I started that horror story. Truth is that I hate how long it takes to leave the airport and I wanted less people there so I ran with that story. But I’m over those days, plus flying is too expensive these days.
T: It must be incredibly tough to survive out there on your own. What are your main sources of food in the wild?
S: To be honest I eat quite a lot of people.
T: Jesus.
S: Never someone able to fight, or run. Just the sick and meek, and I’m partial to Asians. Other than that, berries and stuff.
T: When was the last human meal?
S: A few hours ago, it was some sick kid. To be honest I’m feeling kinda flu-ish like he may have had cancer or something.
T: Well, thank goodness you’re not hungry anymore; are you?
S: I’m good.
T: Then let’s see what another person would like to ask Sasquatch.
S: Bring it!
T: Kim from Miami wants to know how the love life is treating you?
S: I’m alone.
T: There’s a phone number here, would you like it?
S: Unfortunately, a relationship between a human and I is impossible. I’m a equipped like chubby elephant. One of the smaller veins along the shaft is easily more than most human women have ever seen. Look at what I’m talking about Tyler (shows him “the chunk”)
T: He’s telling the truth folks, I’m not sure what I’m looking at, but it is gross. And since you’ve unsheathed your sword I’m overwhelmed by the stink of the forest.
S: Yeah, never used soap, I’ve got a good cheese going on. I stopped smelling my skank about 40 years ago.
T: Please, tie that thing back into you’re pants like before so I can breathe again.
S: Flip, tuck, flip again… and, we’re good now.
T: Moving right along then, “Now that you’re out in the open, what’s next for the Sas’?
S: I’ve done some talking with Chuck E. Cheese’s and they seem to think that children are ready to hug on impostor me and friends. As long as the money is right, I’m good with that. I want a Bentley now.
T: We’re going to do a lightning round of questions and just give me the first thing to comes to mind.
S: Right on.
T: Favorite game?
S: Sorry!
T: Hottest woman of the last century?
S: Too easy, that Orca whale from Free Willy. She could stone cold get it. I don’t even care that’s she’s dead now, holla at me.
T: Favorite shoe?
S: Flip flops, the gays never outrun me in them.
T: Favorite snack food?
S: Midget.
T: Favorite movie?
S: Anything with Dustin Hoffman between The Graduate and Hook. The man’s a legend.
T: XBOX360 or PS3?
S: 360, be serious, come find out what my ass tastes like gamers! My gamertag is: WookieDik
T: What are your plans for Thanksgiving?
S: I’m probably going to sit around my place eating left overs. I have no family and no one wants to be my dinner for Thanksgiving.
T: Wow, well I certainly hope that some viewer that may be suicidal will spend thanksgiving with you this year. No one should be alone for the holidays.
S: Kind words; I bet you’re delicious.
T: Nah, I eat a lot of junk food. Ready for one more question before we take a break?
S: Don’t sing it, bring it.
T: Who is someone that you would love to meet?
S: Sean Connery, simply put, his performance in Finding Forrester moved me. James Bond forever man, Scotland rules!
T: Alright we’ll be back with more Yetti chat later but for today it looks like peaces. Laters…

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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