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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

My eyes are up here sir.


My weekend was very fun, and filled with suspense… not really. As always I enjoyed myself in Baltimore and felt the sting of its lack of Chipotle’s. If its there somewhere I’ll find it, or die trying. Marc Simmons was very cool, as was Larry XL who allowed me to get a lot of my comic book/ movie thoughts out there and into someone’s ears. Highlights would have to be the snow, boobs and most importantly, I got to make a difference in some child’s life. That’s right, I gave him his first jacking. I took everything but his pubic peach fuzz. Remember me always little man, or I’ll find you.

Somehow I always find myself in a debate over whether rape is funny or not. It’s generally agreed that women do not find it funny, even though there are probably a lot more men getting “all they can handle” than women at some point in time. Men will generally laugh at a rape joke if a woman isn’t around. With that said, isn’t there some couple that may have started out that way and ended up in the throws of passion? Kinda like the Watchmen and how the Comedian was kinda forgiven when he got to have consensual relations the second go round. The first time was pretty rape-ish. “You’re honor, I could’ve sworn one of those screams was a pleasant one… but I guess I was wrong.”

Dear John Legend,

I think you’ve made us wait through enough R&B artists’ albums, we would like another helping please. Don’t make me find you. You da man.


I’ve been listening to Gucci Mane’s album for the past two days straight. Sadly, it’s still funny to me to hear him say his name, or “Burrrrr!” I don’t even know what that means. Oh well, “GUCCI!”

This gay guy with the Mohawk has got to get another job or a promotion. He gives off such a vibe it changes the room temperature to negative 30 below. I mean that, he frightens me.

Apparently iTunes has a free Christmas CD with 20 tracks. If I could find it I would tell you the name of it. But now you get to go sleuthing for the answer. Good luck detectives (the answer is below)…

It feels like I should still be in bed wooing Winona Rider right now. What? While the rest of the world has forgotten her, I’ll swoop in and grab a primo sugar mama. Plus in my dreams she transforms into a hydra with faces of Hollywood’s hottest starlets right before I explode. Mmm, I’m still tired.

It’s almost Christmas. All year I wait for this time of year and once it’s here life seems way too busy to really sit back and enjoy it. I suppose since I’m not a child anymore things will only get busier during the holidays. Still the best time of the year though, wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I think I may stop smoking (cigarettes) soon, my doctor told me when I’m serious to come by and she would give me some drug that will stop me. From then on, when I’m bored I’m going to sing a song. It’s not a perfect plan, but it’s all I’ve got.

Why are social networking tools bad? Because when people see that someone “follows” (twitter) someone else but not them, it makes them do petty things. Not proud of it, but I just unfollowed someone for that very reason. Why am I looking at who they follow? I couldn’t even explain that one if I wanted to. Why unfollow them? Because, when they look at their number of followers I don’t want them to see my number included in their grand total. Sometimes you have to stand up and say “you’re a bad friend and I wouldn’t share kiwi fruit with you no matter how much you begged.” Yep, I’m childish and happy that way.

Is there anything more annoying than having to say “Good Morning!” to the same 40 people everyday. Didn’t we just do this yesterday? Let me die slowly in peace.

Wow, someone is in a good mood today, just look at the negativity of the last couple of rants. Let’s say something positive.

It makes me smile when I think of a big tittied woman giving me a big ol’ hug and pressing them against me. Except if it’s my mom; because that’s just terrible.

GUCCI

My sister is 13, would it be wrong to give her birth control pills for Christmas? I would put them in a time capsule but by now she might be the freakiest 8th grader that ever lived. Maybe I’ll just throw hot grits on her and scar her face. Then no one will want to plant their seed in her. I’m a good brother.

I know less than 5 women that do not have children. WTF happened to the world.

Okay, I’m going to Subway to get this lunch monster lulled to sleep. Hope to see many out at Hot Broth tonight.

Peaces

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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