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Just as good as a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Monday, December 14, 2009

You can't dance like that here; because you don't have pants on.


And here we are fresh off the weekend. There were a lot of new comics at the drafthouse on Saturday night. It was nice, so was the crowd, if you missed it then you missed everyone busting out into the Macarena. There was pie and punch…

I’m a writing machine (please pronounce that like you are Argentinian) lately, perhaps its all this Christmas spirit going around? Maybe it’s all of this recreational “yogurt” I’ve been enjoying. Whatever it is, I hope it has a Christmas gift for me. I’m thinking I’d really like a whole troth of Chitterlings. If you’ve never seen Boomerang, just go.

I bought a Snuggie for a White Elephant Christmas party on Friday. The Snuggie was supposed to be for me, I don’t care what people say, I want one darn it. But, since the only design they had was a leopard print (think cougar walking through a seedy bar) I decided some lucky girl could have it. Still felt judged when I put it on the counter for the cashier. To make my purchase more masculine, I added a pack of Stride gum. Mmm, now that’s manly.

I saw some of Robin Williams new comedy special. Who am I to talk about a legend? So we’re going to end this right there; “I saw it.”

Women are pretty predictable. It’s a time of year that people like surrounding themselves with friends, family and loved ones. So at times like Christmas, Valentine’s Day and birthdays they come out of hibernation and sift through the men they haven’t spoken to in awhile. Suddenly the phone is ringing and old names pop up in our phones. Sigh, the mother of my children is out there somewhere, I hope she’s reading a bible right now…

Uh oh, when is the last time you heard Feel So Good by Ma$e? Thank you iPhone, you knew just what I need to dance my way downstairs and get some grub.

I finally have the entire series of Seinfeld, my favorite show ever followed closely by Curb Your Enthusiasm. I started getting them about 4 years ago and slowly (even though I meant to get them all when they came out) I’ve finished something I started. It feels, phenomenal.

I have a new superstition. If I am incredibly silly before I go onstage things seem to go better. I’ll continue testing out this theory and report back with further findings. If I bomb I’ll have to come up with something else. Dear Wolf, please…

Quote of last Week: “Hey, that lady can walk! She’s a walker” I saw a woman coming out of CostCo on a rascal. She was swinging her legs and then seemed to be about to get up and walk into a van. Luckily she turned and laughed while most people were alarmed that I started yelling in a crowded place. It didn’t occur to me until we got to the car that she might have been slightly disabled and needed the rascal. But, like I said, she laughed.

Call me Mr. Jetson, I can drive you spacey. I guess it’s worked better with the Flintstones. Point taken Young Money/Cash Money Records, point taken.

Someone told me that they should be a part of my act last week. They’ve never seen me perform, for all they know I’m a mime. I should invite them along someday and show them why you don’t invite yourself places.

I’ve given miming onstage some thought in the past but what happens if people are against me from the start? Why does everyone hate mimes so much? They just want to make people happy at a low volume.

Old man is going to Switzerland, heavens why?

Am I the only person so excited for Avatar’s release on Friday that I can’t stop having nightmares?

Alright, well I’m going to get some good ol’ fashioned work done now. That’s right, I’m picking cotton today. Relax, they’re paying me to do it, they’ve learned that slavery was wrong.

Peaces

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I blog during work to keep from sleeping. Unless people from my job are monitoring this, in which case "I love my job; I have a family". My dog Max is the man too. Other than that I think reading this blog gives a pretty good idea of what I'm about. Red Jell-o, need I say more.

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